


Once in Forever

by tmtcltb



Category: The Last Ship (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 63,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26336578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmtcltb/pseuds/tmtcltb
Summary: Five years after the successful vaccine trial, Kara Foster struggles to come to terms with all that she lost and move on with her life. AU. TW for discussion of miscarriage.
Relationships: Kara Foster/Danny Green
Comments: 21
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: hello all! I know that it's been forever. Hopefully you are all doing well and hanging in there throughout this difficult time. My original plan was to write a "fix-it" extension for season 5 but, quite frankly, I disliked season 5 so much that it was difficult to get inspired. So, instead, you are getting an AU story where I took broad liberties with pretty much everything. This first chapter is a little heavy (see the trigger warning) but I promise you a happy ending (eventually...) and hope that you will stick with me. xoxo - tmtcltb.

Chapter 1 - Memories

x

x

"And there she is! The woman of the hour - one of the Vaccine Six herself!"

Commander Kara Foster took a sip of her drink, before allowing Bryson Wells to draw her from the bar towards the small knot of people standing in the middle of the crowded ballroom. Not that she was particularly interested in talking to the Alabama Senator, but the man had been a staunch supporter of the restructured military since his election two years ago, and therefore was not someone that Kara could risk offending.

"I don't believe that you have met my wife, Addie."

As Addie reached out to grasp Kara's hand between both of hers, Kara was uncomfortably aware of the tears shinning in the other woman's eyes. "I can't tell you what an honor it is to meet you. I don't know if Bry has ever told you, but our son Travis was on death's door when the cure arrived. He was our last child. I don't know what I would have done if... Well, anyway, none of us would be here without you."

"Amen." Bryson Wells wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulders and Kara felt a spark of compassion for the man who annoyed her more often than not.

"I was only doing my duty for my country, the same as you, Senator," she demurred, the words rolling off her tongue smoothly. Idly Kara wondered when she had come to be so comfortable in the sphere. Circling the room with the Navy Metal of Honor pinned to her dress uniform. Chatting up senators and foreign diplomats and celebrities with enough clout to be invited to the President's anniversary ball. The Navy's go-to person when it came to obtaining critical support or supplies, the person behind the scenes who always got it done, the woman with the connections.

"Duty or no duty, I doubt many people would have volunteered to be deliberately injected with the Red Flu," Senator Wells replied, earning himself a round of nods. And all Kara could do was smile politely, accepting the unwelcome praise graciously and wishing that she had something far stronger than sparkling water in her cup.

xxxxx

_She woke with a start, every inch of her body throbbing, the agony unbearable. Then Danny's face swam into focus through layers of protective gear, and despite the sweat pouring off her, Kara felt a chill._ _There was only one reason why Danny would be here._

_Noticing that her eyes were open, Danny leaned forward, gently cradling his hand between his. "Please don't leave me, Kara. Please."_

_A vague sense of deja vu suggested that this was not their first time having this conversation, but Kara brushed away the thought, instead reaching a trembling hand up to the plastic that covered Danny's face, wishing that she could touch him one last time. "It's okay. You'll be okay."_

_His head bowed, eyes closing. "I can't do this alone."_

_"Yes, you can. You will. You don't need me." She was fading again, her eyes closing involuntarily as her body began to shake._

_His hands tightened on hers. "I love you, Kara."_

_She never knew if the next words made it past her lips._ _"I love you, too."_

xxxxx

Drawing the conversation with the Wells to a close, Kara circulated through the room, shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries, but never lingering. Her role as one of the survivors of the successful vaccine trial mandated that she appear tonight. The failure to do so would be noted, and annoying the sitting president was generally something to be avoided. But despite the jovial tone of the evening, Kara had to force the smile to her lips. Tonight, the five year anniversary of Doctor Scott's successful vaccine trial and the development of the cure, was an evening of celebration. But for Kara, tonight was also the reminder of a much more private loss.

And if that was the reason she abruptly ducked into the restroom to avoid a certain hazel-eyed, sandy-haired Navy SEAL, so be it. She was entitled to a moment to gather herself. So she could stop thinking. Stop remembering. Stop wishing...for things that could never be.

xxxxx

_The cramping - incessant, unending cramps that had her curling up into a ball - started three days after administration of the cure. But from the moment that Danny told her that she was pregnant, his eyes shining with some combination of relief and happiness, Kara had known that she would never hold her baby. Never even know if it was a boy or a girl. That even if, for a nanosecond, she had held life within her, that life was long gone. Burned up and attacked and destroyed, a final victim of the Red Flu._

_As the others began to recover, they took turns sitting with her when Danny was elsewhere. Holding her hand. Talking to her. Telling her stories. Kara learned that Rick had never met his father, the man taking off before he was even born. She discovered that Tex had a child, a daughter who he hadn't seen for years, although he rattled off her pre-pandemic GPA with pride. Andrea revealed her own losses, four in all prior to Lily, her practical knowledge of what was happening to Kara's body unexpectedly reassuring. Even Russ shared a few memories of his daughters. In a way, Kara's loss bound them together more solidly than the trial itself._

_But slowly each was released, until only Kara remained, waiting for Doctor Scott to run the final tests, to confirm what she already knew._

_"_ _I'm so very sorry." The woman's eyes glittered with unshed tears. "I'll give you a few minutes alone."_

_Next to her, Kara could see Danny rubbing at his face, eyes red and puffy. Yet all she could do was stare at the bulkhead, wondering what it meant that she was the only one who hadn't cried._

xxxxx

After taking a moment to splash water on her cheeks, Kara exited the bathroom, relieved to note that Danny was nowhere in sight. Instead, she spied Andrea Garnett and Tex Nolan standing with Mike and Christine Slattery, apparently discussing the difficulty in obtaining a babysitter for the most desirable event of the year.

"How is Liam?" Kara inquired, still somewhat bemused by the relationship between her mentor and the Nathan James' favorite hitchhiker, who could best be described as a loose cannon.

"Teething," Andrea replied, sighing. "Kat agreed to keep him for the night. Bless that girl. We booked a room here at the hotel in order to take advantage and get some sleep."

The way Andrea stressed the last word left no doubt that Tex had alternative plans. Kara suspected that he would get his way. As part of Sasha Cooper's team, Tex was gone more often than he was home and, although the engineer said little, Kara knew that Andrea missed her husband.

Christine Slattery laughed. "I don't miss those days. The twins are finally sleeping through the night and there is no way I am starting over again. Although teenagers do have their moments. Last week Shaylyn asked if we would let her get a nose ring."

That drew a flurry of laughter. Following their return from the Arctic, Mike and Christine had decided to make up for lost time, and were now the parents of four girls, including three-year-old twins. At seventeen, Shaylyn, their oldest, was apparently pushing every boundary. Mike took a swig of his beer. "I have to give her credit. She put together an entire presentation explaining why she should be allowed to make her own decisions and express herself in appropriate ways."

"So you agreed?" Kara inquired, bemused by the idea of Slattery being bamboozled by his teenage daughter.

"Hell no," Mike sputtered. "So long as she lives in my roof, there will be no piercing or tattooing or anything of the sort."

After a few more minutes of chatter, the group split, each knowing their role tonight. Mike, along with Tom and Russ, were on the hook for speeches. Tex, Andrea, and Kara were spared that requirement but, as members of the Vaccine Six, as the media had dubbed them, they were expected to shake as many hands as possible.

_No matter how painful that requirement might be._

At least Tex and Andrea had each other. It was true that Sasha Cooper was a taskmaster, her team constantly flitting from hot spot to hot spot, but somehow they never failed to make it home for the ball. Eyes drifting towards the front of the room, where Admiral Chandler stood with his wife, Kara wondered whether Tom was really the one who made the decision to recall the team, as was the official party line, or if Sasha simply made it happen. According to Tex, Sasha had no problem disobeying orders that she found unnecessary, especially when those orders happened to be coming from her husband. Either way, Kara was thankful that, tonight, Andrea wasn't alone.

Hours passed before the crowds finally began to thin, and Kara made her way towards a familiar group of uniforms. She had seen Tex and Andrea sneak out the doors thirty minutes earlier and - despite Andrea's exaggerated yawns once the clock hit midnight - Kara doubted that they were sleeping. Hooking her arm through Carlton's, she leaned her head against his shoulder, once again cursing her height, or lack there of, and the need for three inch heels.

"Long night, baby girl?" Carlton teased, but his arm snaked around her to pull her closer to his side. Providing the comfort, the support, that she so sorely needed.

xxxxx

_"You don't have anything to prove, Kara."_

_Kara continued folding - or to be honest, re-folding - her clothes, wishing Carlton would go annoy someone else. "Yes. I do."_

_"Nobody cares about that shit with Green," he continued doggedly._

_She ignored that, recognizing bullshit when she heard it. "You put your name in, didn't you?"_

_Carlton shuffled. "It's different."_

_"Why?"_

_He paused. "Because there are 218 people on this ship and 199 them are men. Doctor Scott wants three men and three women. You do the math."_

_Kara finally glanced up, seeing the strained look on Carlton's face, realizing that this was his awkward, exasperating, but endearing way of showing how much he cared. "I know. But...I have to do this, Carlton. You know that."_

_She could see the conflict on his face, and then he nodded, reaching forward to hook her into a sideways hug. "Just promise me that you'll be okay. Okay?"_

_Silently_ _, Kara blinked back tears. Knowing that was a promise she could not make. Because she had done the math. Nineteen women. Four of whom were in essential positions, not eligible to volunteer. Six who had pre-existing conditions that excluded them from Doctor Scott's very exacting parameters. And, of the remainder, only one was a white women under thirty._

_Kara wasn't putting her name into the draft. She was volunteering to go._

xxxxx

Kara sighed, eyes closed. "My feet are on fire and the Speaker of the House felt me up in front of his wife."

"He wouldn't," Eric Miller began sputtering, somehow the only sailor in the Navy who managed to hold onto that farm-boy innocence, only to be cut off by a gravelly voice that Kara knew only too well.

"He totally would. Everyone knows that Hamilton is a pig."

Eyes popping open, Kara found herself staring directly at Commander Daniel Green. He nodded, his eyes piercing her as though searching for the answer to an unspoken question. But tonight she was too tired, too emotionally worn, to figure it out. Closing her eyes again, Kara fought to keep her breathing steady. As though Danny were no different than any other man here tonight, as though she hadn't spent the entire evening dreading this very moment.

xxxxx

_"You're early." His voice rumbled against her ear, the only warning she had before his arm slid around her waist, pulling her back against him._

_"You're late," she retorted without heat, eyes closing as his lips began a slow decent to her neck. One hand held her hip, as the other one slid under her shirt. Her head fell backwards onto his shoulder and she pressed her bottom against him more firmly, feeling more than hearing the resulting hiss._

_"I'll have to make it up to you. Any suggestions of how?"_

_His hand rested on her stomach for the briefest of moments before sliding north to cup her breast, thumb grazing her nipple at the exact moment his lips hit her collarbone. She gasped, body arching, already aching for more._

_Kara whirled, wrapping an arm around his neck. "I might have an idea or two."_

_"Oh yeah?" He brushed his lips across hers, the teasing touch driving her insane._

_Slipping a hand between them, Kara managed to unzip his pants, enjoying the way Danny jerked as her fingers slid inside. "Oh yeah."_

xxxxx

Forcing herself to focus on the present, Kara turned to the willowy blonde standing next to Danny, his arm looped casually around her back. "Laura, how are you tonight?"

"I suppose you get used to these events after a while, but I'll admit that I'm dead on my feet," Laura replied with a slight laugh.

"I don't think today could ever feel normal." The words - too real, too honest - slipped out.

"Of course, I'm sorry." Laura rushed, her eyes darting between Danny and Kara. Because she knew. Of course she knew. Everyone here did. Even Courtney must know, Rick certainly having told her at some point. "I didn't mean to suggest..."

And that was the problem with Laura wasn't it? Even if Kara did want to dislike the woman - and, really, why would she? - Laura was just too damn nice. A third grade teacher who lost her husband during the first stages of the Red Flu, she was the perfect Navy girlfriend. A partner to keep the home fires burning while Danny traveled. A companion to join him at official events. Someone to drop off homemade cookies for the team. And never, not once, had Laura ever been anything but kind to Kara.

xxxxx

_Danny buried his face in her hair, shoulders shaking. She squeezed him as tight as she could, her own eyes empty._

_"I could picture her."_

_The words were a surprise and Kara pulled back. "Wha..."_

_"The baby. I could see her. I even had a nickname picked out. Jellybean."_

_As a nickname, it lacked originality, but something about the fetus having a name broke through Kara's detachment. Her voice cracked. "Danny, I can't...I can't even think about that..."_

_"Shhhh." He pulled her back to him. "I know. I know..."_

_Breathing shallowly, almost gagging, Kara fought the urge to vomit as the truth hit her like a punch._

_She hadn't just killed her baby._

_She had killed his._

xxxxx

"Please, don't apologize. I'm simply tired. It's been a long night." Kara kept her gaze firmly on Laura and away from Danny. Pretending that she couldn't see the way his jaw shifted, teeth grinding together, arms folded across his chest.

Courtney reached for her husband's hand. "I'm thankful that I can be here tonight to support Rick and to remember Maya's sacrifice."

Carlton raised his glass, and they all drank. "To Maya."

"No Stephan tonight?" Courtney inquired a moment later. With anyone else, Kara would have been annoyed by the question. But between Eric's naïveté and Courtney's own natural optimism, they tended to view all of Kara's boyfriends as permanent additions.

She shrugged. Stephan had been an experiment in dating civilians. A political fixer, Alisha had suggested that he would be the perfect window dressing for Kara's career. And that had been fine, until Stephen started hinting that window dressing required a wedding ring. "We aren't seeing each other anymore."

"Sorry it didn't work out." Danny spoke quietly, and there was something about his voice. As though she wasn't the only one struggling to keep the memories at bay.

xxxxx

_"What?" He reached for her, but she pulled away, staring at a spot just past his shoulder._

_"This is for the best, Danny."_

_"Saying that we should see other people is for the best?" He demanded, and she could feel his anger, hear it in his voice, see it in the way his hands balled into fists. But behind that was something else, something she refused to recognize. Something that made it hard to breathe. Something that made her want to throw herself into his arms and tell him that it was all a mistake._

_Better to focus on his anger._ _"Things are too complicated."_

_He threw his arms in the air._ _"And what, breaking up helps that how?"_

_Her own temper erupting, Kara snapped back. "You should know. Remember Guantanamo?"_

_The silence stretched and stretched, and then Danny turned and left without another word._

xxxxx

Carlton snickered, drawing curious glances from the group. "Captain here named the EMATT after him. Apparently the guy tried to pretend that he was bigger than he really was."

Rick winced. "Oh, that's cold."

Kara rolled her eyes. The insult was meant to refer to Stephen's ego, but trust a man to assume that everything was about dick size. Apparently noticing Laura's confusion, Courtney enlightened her. "Kara and Carlton nickname things on the Nathan James after their exes. It is generally not complimentary." The slight disapproval in her voice was amusing, as close to a criticism as Kara had heard from Courtney.

"So what did she name after Danny?" Laura asked. Kara blinked, wondering if the woman was being snarky, but she looked so damn sincere.

Fortunately Carlton broke the awkward pause. "Off limits by mutual agreement. I already know waaaay too much about Green's dick." He cocked his head at Danny. "How long are you stateside?"

Danny took a moment too long to respond, as though his mind was elsewhere. But his voice was unruffled when he finally spoke. "The boss hasn't confirmed, but the plan is a couple weeks. Enough time for everyone to get some R&R."

Laura smiled brightly. "We have tickets to La Bohème next weekend. I'm just dying to see it."

"Oh! I love the opera," Courtney exclaimed. "And La Bohème is supposed to be amazing. Rick tried to get tickets but they sold out so quickly."

"See?" Laura swatted at her boyfriend. "I told you people like the opera! Anyway, if the team gets called up, you can be my date, Courtney. Let me get your number."

As the two women swapped cell phone information, Carlton leaned towards Kara, speaking quietly. "Only one reason for Green to attend the opera voluntarily."

Vaguely, Kara could hear Courtney and Laura discussing the performance, but the words felt very far away, muffled by the pounding of her own heart. There was no reason why she should care whether Danny proposed to Laura. Wasn't that what Kara wanted for Danny? A woman who would love him, take care of him, raise his children?

_Do all of the things that Kara couldn't do?_

xxxxx

_He strode into her office without bothering to knock, as though they hadn't spent the last month avoiding each other. "You aren't shipping out with us?"_

_Kara opened the drawer to her right, pulling out a pen and lining it up perfectly with her notepad. Anything to avoid looking at Danny. "No."_

_"Why?"_

_"Doctor Scott hasn't cleared me." Damn. She hadn't meant to admit that._

_"Wait, what? Everyone else is back." He sounded so confused, and she made the mistake of glancing up. God she had missed him. Even now, the sight of him glowering down at her made her want to throw her arms around him, to take back everything, to drown herself in him for as long as he would let her._

_"My situation is different."_

_"Is something wrong?" He pressed, and she wanted to tell him everything._ _About the bleeding, the anemia, the constant exhaustion. Common side effects of a miscarriage, apparently._ _But even as the thought occurred, Kara knew that she wouldn't. She wouldn't put Danny through more than she already had._

_She sat up straight. "Of course not. It just has to do with regulations. Besides, the Admiral needs help here and I volunteered."_

xxxxx

"Carlton!" Kara moved just in time to avoid being flattened when Alisha flung her arms around Burk. "When did you get back?"

"Just yesterday." He chuckled. "So let's see that sparkler."

Without further prompting, Alisha displayed her ring, her free hand keeping a firm grip on her fiancé. Despite being relatively appropriately dressed, wearing something that looked vaguely like a tuxedo, Val seemed as out of place tonight as she always did at these events. It was a strange relationship, but no odder than others that Kara had seen flourish in the last five years. And after everything that she went through with Amy Granderson, Alisha definitely deserved some happiness.

"A toast!" Rick held up his glass. "To Alisha and Val, may today be the least happy day of the rest of your lives."

As the glasses clinked, Kara found her thoughts drifting to Danny. Wondering how long it would be before they were toasting Danny and Laura. Would he have a long or short engagement? A big wedding or small? Would the children appear immediately, or would they wait?

_How long would it be until Danny had everything that she took from him five years before?_

Because maybe then she would stop seeing the ghost of a towhead four-year-old with an impish smile every time he walked into the room.

xxxxx

_"Are you sure?"_

_Kara's blood was pumping frantically through her veins, every cell shrieking at her to leave the tent. To tell Doctor Scott that she had changed her mind. To do anything and everything to escape. To live._ _But instead Kara held out her arm._

_"I'm ready."_

xxxxx

Kara lifted her glass to her best friend, hoping that nobody would notice the tears shimmering in her eyes. "Cheers."


	2. A Change of Plan

"La Boheme?" Tex was the one to bring it up, of course, swiveling back and forth in his chair at the far end of the conference table, coffee in hand. "So you got the ring?"

Kara thought she felt green eyes flicker in her direction as she poured her third - maybe fourth? - cup of coffee, but she kept her attention fixed on her hands. Sliding in the door at 8:59, her hope had been to avoid the inevitable chit-chat and razzing that occurred whenever Cooper's team was called in to report. Still, Danny could hardly think that he needed to avoid the topic of Laura around her. After all, their relationship, in whatever form, was over almost before it began.

xxxxx

_"One more month," Kara sighed, her breath visible in the frosty air, uncertain whether she was speaking to herself or Danny. She needed to focus on something - anything - other than the overwhelming desire to press her lips against his neck, to run her hands across his stomach, to wrap herself around him until there was not a single millimeter of space between them. "It's only one more month until we are back in Norfolk."_

_His hand brushed against hers in the darkness and the innocent contact sent a flush of heat through her, taunting her with his closeness. "Or is this what you do? Have a woman on every ship."_

_Her anger ignited his own, his voice a hiss. "That's not what this is and you know it!"_

_Just as quickly as it ignited, her anger dissipated, and Kara leaned against the side of the lifeboat where they were hiding. She groaned, recognizing the truth in his words. She might only have met Daniel Joshua Green three months ago, on the day that he boarded the Nathan James, but they were attuned in a way that Kara had never before experienced. She had_ _watched Danny interact with his men, with the crew, with Halsey, and she intuitively understood the code that he lived by._ _And Danny seemed to understand her as well. Recognizing her boundaries. Never pushing her for more than she was willing to give._

_And wasn't that the rub? After years of following the Navy's rules to the letter, no matter how much a past boyfriend or two might have grumbled, she was now fighting a losing battle with herself._ _When had she become this person? This woman willing to risk her career - her life - over a man? Because no matter how much she reasoned with herself in private, one glimpse, one smile, one touch was enough for Kara to want to chance it all, the tension between them almost unbearable._

_She turned towards him, his shape barely visible in the darkness. "I know. I'm sorry. I just didn't think it would be this hard."_

_"So you're saying that I'm irresistible?" She could hear the smile in his voice._

_"Maybe. I'll think about it and let you know."_

_"Just so you know, I don't need to think about it." Danny shifted, pressing his forehead against hers, their lips so close that she could feel them moving when he spoke. "You're my kryptonite, Kara_ _. I will do anything to be close to you, even knowing that I'm going to get burned."_

xxxxx

"Yeah, I got the ring." Danny fiddled with his cup. Kara settled into the chair between Carlton and Alisha. Despite seating thirty, the table was crowded today between Cooper's team, the Nathan James' senior staff, and an assortment of individuals from Command. "Burk helped pick it out."

Kara shot a dirty look at Carlton, thinking about the betting pool he had just arranged on that very topic. Seeing her face, he shrugged, unrepentant, before nodded towards Danny. "My man did good. We followed all the rules. Two months salary got us a nice, big sparkler."

"Wait, you're supposed to spend two months salary on the engagement ring?" Rick interjected, a worried frown crossing his face.

"No," Kara replied, smothering a laugh. Courtney had been over the moon when Rick proposed. He probably could have given her a lollipop ring and she would have worn it proudly. "Women don't care about that. Do they Al?"

Alisha shook her head. "Nope. You find the right person and that's all that matters."

"Says the woman who picked out her own ring," Carlton noted.

Alisha laughed. "I love Val, but her taste in jewelry is abysmal."

"Val has no taste in anything." Azima agreed, hands waving to emphasize her point. "This American tradition is stupid. Who pays so much for a tiny stone? I would expect at least a necklace, some earrings, several bracelets, and perhaps a headband for that much money."

"You got that Taylor?" Carlton asked, Wolf flipping him the bird in return.

"Actually, I'm with Foster," Tex said unexpectedly. "You youngins' try too hard. Marriage is about finding the right woman and raising a couple of kids. Way too much focus on the ring and wedding and the china pattern. Shit that doesn't matter."

Kara focused on her coffee. She wouldn't look at Danny. _She wouldn't._ Today was a new day, one without the emotional turmoil of the anniversary celebration. And yet, despite her resolve not to do so, she glanced up, their eyes catching.

xxxxx

_"Berchem's married?" Kara laughed at the idea of the man with the filthiest mouth, and probably mind, that she had ever meet going home to a wife and kids._

_Danny grinned as he laid out his cards. "Two pair."_

_"Damn."_

_After some consideration, she pulled off a sock. Danny shook his head in mock disappointment, leaning back in his chair. Kara had to admit that this was the most fun she had ever had playing poker, even if the sight of Danny's bare chest was more than a little distracting._

_"Heading into divorce number two. I told him to skip the big wedding this time and elope but he insisted on a whole production. Pretty sure he's still paying the thing off. Idiot."_

_Kara picked up a card. "How about you? Anything you are still paying for?" Although she was aiming for casual, the question came out a little too interested._

_"No divorces. Always figured that there was plenty of time to screw up my life once I was out." Danny flashed Kara a smile, clearly amused by the question. But then his face sobered, his eyes never leaving hers. "Although I've been rethinking that plan."_

_Kara felt the flush rolling from her neck to her cheeks, fighting the urge to drop the cards in the floor and climb onto his lap. Instead she set down her hand. "Four of a kind."_

_Danny swore, then grinned, before standing to drop his pants. Which, it turned out, happened to be the last piece of clothing he was wearing. And seeing a naked Danny Green, it turned out, was even more distracting than seeing a shirtless one._

xxxxx

"So I shouldn't bother inviting you to the wedding?" Alisha asked sweetly.

Tex tipped his cup in her direction. "Hey, I never turn down free booze. Plus, that gal of yours is bound to do something crazy. We'll be there."

"Anyway," Carlton began. "Green's set. And it's a rock for sure."

"What's a rock?" Mike Slattery asked, entering the room with Sasha Cooper following closely behind.

"Green's going to propose," Tex replied. "At the _opera_."

Slattery slapped Danny on the back. "Good for you. Can't stand opera myself but the ladies seem to like it. Christine got tickets for some show going around. Told her to take the girls."

"Is everyone else going?" Rick grumbled, and Kara made a mental note to ask Mike to pull some strings and get Rick and Courtney tickets.

"Pretty sure Mike is on the same VIP list as Tom," Sasha said, apparently picking up on the situation. "I would offer you our tickets, Miller, but, unfortunately, none of us will be here to use them."

That caught everyone's attention. Kara focused on Sasha, trying to get a read on the woman. She knew her, of course, but had kept her distance, mentally assigning Sasha to Danny's side in their unspoken agreement regarding the division of friends and colleagues. Carlton liked to joke that it was as good as a divorce decree. Kara got Andrea and Alisha. Danny got Wolf and Tex. They shared custody of Rick and Carlton.

"So what is going on, Captain?" Tex asked.

Slattery waved his coffee cup at Sasha. "All you, Cooper."

"We found Christian Vargas."

At that, every eye swing to Sasha. The right-hand man to Gustavo Barras, Vargas had been on the run for almost a year, and was the primary reason why Sasha and her team spent so much time trekking through remote locations. As the last surviving high-ranking member of Tavo's group, Vargas's continued evasion was a thorn in the President's side, and his capture would be a major score. Even if the man never willingly volunteered information, his arrest would be a publicity boom to the current administration.

"Where?" Danny asked.

"And why are we here?" Carlton added, gesturing to himself, Rick, and Kara. Although the Nathan James officially remained in service, their missions tended to be more humanitarian or public relations focused, the ship opening doors that otherwise would have remained firmly closed. Kara strongly suspected that was one reason for her meteoric rise through the ranks despite the official reprimand in her file. With her in the captain's chair, the Nathan James held a double punch, and few seemed to have the ability to say no.

In any case, it had been some time since the Nathan James engaged in anything that might be considered an official operation. And even longer since she and Danny crossed paths in the field.

xxxxx

_"Six Alpha Gamma Pi Three. Requesting emergency extraction. Man down. Heavy fire. Repeat._ _Six Alpha Gamma Pi Three_ _." Despite the eight months and twenty-one days that has passed since they last spoke, Kara instantly recognized the voice._

_She stood, pulse racing. "Get the helo up ASAP."_

_"Ma'am?" The officer of the deck looked confused, and Kara realized that there had been no official identification. As if she needed one._

_Thankfully Carlton needed no explanation. "It's a priority one code. They wouldn't be using it if they weren't in deep shit."_

_"This is Mother Hen." Eyes closed momentarily, Kara recalled how Danny used to laugh at that name. "We are twenty mics out. Could you use some fireworks?"_

_"Affirmative, Mother Hen."_ _Was it just her or did his tone change after she spoke? "You got here just in time."_

_Forcing herself to focus on the immediate situation, Kara began relaying instructions as Danny rattled off coordinates. Refusing to admit, even to herself, how her hand trembled as she hung up the radio._

_Twenty minutes later, the helicopter was on its way back with six on board, one injured. Kara stayed in CIC until the last moment, determined not to go but, in the end, she found herself headed towards the helicopter pad._

_Standing on the deck as the helicopter landed, she watched while Rios exited and the turned to help someone, only to step back when Tex stumbled out himself. Leg hanging at an unnatural angle, it was clear that something was broken._

_The next few minutes seemed to take an hour as first Sasha, then Azima, and finally Wolf descended, followed after a short pause by Hector Martinez, the likely cause of the emergency. Martinez was definitely persona non grata in large chunks of the world following his last minute decision to switch sides, prompted by his concerns over Tavo's growing insanity. Kara's fists clenched, and she fought the urge to tap her toe as she waited, needing to see him for herself. To know that he was unharmed._ _Finally Danny exited, pausing to survey the deck until he found her. And then he smiled, head dipping in silent acknowledgment, a thank you for answering the call._

_And she wanted to hit him._

_She wanted to bang her fists against his chest and demand to know why he was here. Why he wasn't safe at home where she wouldn't have to worry about him being stuck in the middle of a rainforest someday when she wasn't nearby to save his ass._ _But even as the thoughts occurred, she knew the answer. Danny was here for the same reason that she was on the Nathan James, headed towards some ridiculous meet-and-greet. They were both unable to step away, to say no, not when the world was still in so much chaos._

_"Thanks for the assist." Sasha sounded almost cheerful as she and Rios passed, helping Tex down the ramp. "The Old Man here made our escape plan a no-go when he decided that broken bones were en vogue."_

_"Damn fuckers and their stupid rat traps," Tex groused. "Nobody better tell my wife about this."_

_Sasha laughed. "Pretty sure that she's going to notice."_

_"Don't worry," Danny added, having approach while Kara was distracted. "Commander Garrett isn't going to kick you to the curb when you're bed-bound. Probably."_

_He was close enough to touch, the smirk he always wore after getting himself safely out of a jam bringing back too many memories. Her fingers twitched, wanting to brush his cowlick to the side, to wipe away the streak of dirt on his cheek, to run her hands all over him until she could reassure herself that he was fine._

_"_ _Bed-bound." Tex grinned. "Now that I think about it, there might be a few benefits to breaking a leg."_

_"Oh man," Carlton groaned, as he stepped onto the deck. "Do you want me to lose my dinner?"_

_Kara allowed herself one last glance at Danny before she turned, heading back to the bridge. Knowing that Burk would handle the task of settling in their visitors. And wondering just how long it would take for her heart to stop racing._

xxxxx

"Vargas is in Rio," Sasha explained, passing out dossiers. "We have a friendly relationship with the Brazilian government, but there are those who continue to believe in Gustavo's movement. In order to prevent a diplomatic incident, and to avoid tipping Vargas off, my team will be going in undercover. We need to give the government plausible deniability should things go south."

"That's where the Nathan James comes in," Mike said, picking up the narrative. "While on your way to the Falklands Islands for the transition ceremony, the James will make a stop at Brazil. Foster and Miller will finalize a pending trade agreement and then be the guests of honor at a special celebration in honor of the five year anniversary of the development of the cure. It will be a publicity boost for President Alves's administration, and give Cooper and her team a cover story. Officially they will be your security, giving them time to meet up with their contacts and put a plan in place for the extraction."

"Miller can't go." As much as she wanted to get this asshole, Kara wouldn't put Rick's life at risk. Not now. "Courtney is pregnant. I just transferred Rick onto desk duty for the next six months."

Mike grimaced, then nodded. "Okay, change of plans. Instead of Miller I'll see if Master Chief Jeter can rearrange his schedule."

"Sir!" Rick began, but Mike simply held up a hand.

"This one is too dangerous. You know the drill."

They all did, of course. Children were precious in this new world, and official policy prioritized the protection of family units. But Rick and Courtney were also in a unique situation, given Rick's status as one of the Vaccine Six. The press went crazy when Tex and Andrea announced Liam's birth, three months after the fact. Kara expected no less of an uproar once Rick's news was released. Allowing him out of the country right now was simply too risky.

"Look at this way," Kara added. "You'll actually be able to use those opera tickets- assuming Cooper is still offering."

But Rick pressed on. "What about Tex? He's going."

"Nolan is out of my jurisdiction." Mike looked at Sasha.

"Tex has never listened to a single thing that I said. It's a good thing that the man has the devils own luck or I would have kicked him to the curb years ago." Sasha laughed. "I'll drop off those tickets tomorrow, Miller. No way Tom's going to go and Ashley is in Norfolk."

Alisha spoke before Rick could protest further. "I don't think the Master Chief will be able to make the trip, Captain. I've been going over the president's itinerary and there are several sensitive matters in play that I believe take precedence. Kara will have to handle it solo."

Mike cursed, then glanced at Sasha. "Think that the Brazilians will backtrack if we just send Foster?"

She shrugged. "Guess we'll find out."

Tex grinned, tipping back in his chair. "I would be more than happy to escort the lovely commander to these highly sensitive diplomatic meetings."

The horrified silence that greeted his suggestion would have been funny under other circumstances.

"I can do it." Every eye turned towards Danny. "The goal is to give the Brazilian government a publicity coup, correct? One that will make them willing to look the other way when we grab Vargas?"

"Something your sorry ass won't do," Carlton commented.

Sasha snapped her fingers, understanding crossing her face. "You were just featured in that magazine. All about the incident in Columbia."

Mike looked back and forth between them. "Columbia? Do I want to know?"

"Nothing bad, Captain," Danny assured.

"It was a recon trip," Sasha elaborated. "Whole thing was a mess from beginning to end. Started pouring the day we got there and Wolf and Azima couldn't get in. Then we got caught in a landslide. Couple of photographers snapped some shots of us evacuating the locals. I managed to get most of the negatives, but someone recognized Green from the James. Whole story blew up."

"How am I only hearing about this now?" Mike demanded, annoyed.

Tex laughed. "Hablas español, Capitán?"

"They speak Portuguese in Brazil, asshole," Mike replied.

"It didn't hit the America press," Kara jumped in before the bickering could escalate. "We issued an official statement that the United States Navy does not comment on the private lives of servicemen and released Danny's public file. Ring a bell?"

"Vacationing American hero saves dozens," Tex cackled. "That whole story was gold. There was even a nice shot of Laura in a bikini drinking a cocktail. Should've known Foster was behind it."

Kara shifted uncomfortably. She might have gone a little above and beyond to save Danny's cover, but that was part of her job, wasn't it? "Val fudged that one a bit."

"A lot, actually," Alisha threw in. "I saw the originals."

"I suppose that I should be thankful that there were no alien references," Slattery muttered. He glanced at Sasha. "Next time be more careful."

"Cooper was the one who got those negatives," Kara added. "It would've been much harder to spin an explanation for multiple highly ranked military personnel being at the scene."

"And now we can use it to hype Green's presence. I like it!" Sasha was pacing back and forth as she worked the revised cover story. "We'll temporarily assign Danny to the Nathan James, so his attendance will seem more natural. With Green attending the formal events, it will be easy enough to have him make contact with our informant. Wolf and Azima will serve as official security to make the cover story stick, allowing Tex and me to put together an extraction plan."

Mike nodded. "I think it could work. Good idea, Green."

"Thank you, sir."

Danny's eyes darted towards Kara and, abruptly, the reality of what she had just agreed to do sunk in. Not that she had agreed, exactly, but there was no way to graciously excuse herself at this point. She and Danny would serve as the face of the operation. He would be her escort to every official event. They would be expected to sit together, to talk, to dance, to interact. A sense of panic flooded her, and she struggled to control her breathing. She could do this. _She could_.

"It's decided then." Slattery turned to Danny. "Sorry to disrupt your personal plans, Commander."

Danny shrugged. "Don't worry about it. Not as if this is the first time that's happened."

Again, their gaze locked and this time Kara knew that Danny wasn't talking about Laura.

_xxxxx_

_"Hi."_

_Danny hesitated at the threshold of the cabin, before stepping inside and swinging the door three quarters of the way shut. Although she had been off the Nathan James for almost a year, Kara was hit by an immense wave of deja vu. How often had this happened? Danny stopping by her cabin, checking quickly for observers before making the decision to enter_ _._

_"Hi."_

_She stood, fiddling with the clothing that she was unpacking. As acting TAO until they hit Rota, she could have requested her own cabin, but Kara chose to bunk with Alisha again. No reason to get settled into the space when she was leaving as soon as they finished crossing the Atlantic._

_"I came by to ... to give you this."_

_Kara glanced at his outstretched hand, her mouth falling open as she recognized the small, velvet box nestled in his palm. One that sat on her mother's dresser for more years than Kara could remember._

_"Where did you get that?" she whispered._

_"Back when we first hit Norfolk, I talked to your mother. Asked her..." he stopped, swallowing. "Well, I asked your mother something and she gave me this. I just never found the right time to give it to you."_

_Kara barely remembered the Nathan James's arrival at Norfolk, those days a blur, the joy on her mother's face when Kara found her at that shelter one of her few clear memory. Except that wasn't quite true, Kara realized. She remembered Danny being there, staying by her side for days while they scoured the city, searching for those who remained alive._

_"Why?" She shouldn't be asking. She should simply take the box back and thank him politely. Treat him like any other crewmate. They were over. Everything was over. This...this changed nothing._

_He didn't pretend to misunderstand the question. "I thought that we had something..." Shaking his head, he stopped. "Anyway, it's yours. You should have it back, one way or the other."_

_"Thank you." Kara took the box, then looked at him properly for the first time since he entered the room. Noticing the exhaustion lines etched on his face, the pallor of his skin. The grief in his eyes a physical pain. "I'm sorry, Danny. About...about everything."_

_He lingered for just a moment, almost as though he wanted to say something more. Finally he turned to leave. "Me too."_


	3. Drinks with Friends

"Now spill." Alisha passed Kara a glass of red wine before settling on her side of the plush couch, twisting her legs up beneath her. Kara leaned back, kicking off her shoes. Alisha and Val's bungalow always felt so relaxing, welcoming in a way that Kara had never managed to achieve at her own place. She had tried decorating, adding some new furniture and bright photographs at Andrea's suggestion, but the house never lost that unlived in feeling.

Kara took a sip. Alisha's taste in wine was usually terrible but this bottle had been an engagement gift from Tom and Sasha, so Kara expected it to be better than average. She was not disappointed. A 2003 Louis Latour, possibly the last one on the planet, the wine had just a hint of berry, rolling smoothly over her tongue. Kara considered whether she should feel guilty that Val was not here to enjoy the bottle with them, but decided it didn't matter. Val was more likely to have a coke anyway, disliking how alcohol mellowed her out, turning her almost into a regular person.

She focused back on Alisha's question. "The first place was terrible, dark and noisy. The second location was fine but the planner was pretty high-strung. I personally wouldn't want to deal with him for the next six months. But you are marrying Val so it's all relative, I guess. Anyway, the third was way too small..."

"Not about the wedding venues," Alisha replied, rolling her eyes for emphasis. "They were all awful. And with you leaving, I'm going to be stuck doing all the planning on my own. Unless Courtney would go with me. After all, she did _just_ go through all of this..."

Alisha trailed off and Kara hid a grin at the speculative look on her friend's face. "I'm sure Courtney would love to help."

"Anyway," Alisha gave Kara a pointed look, "that's not what I was talking about and you know it. So stop avoiding the topic and talk to me. Danny? Engagement? Undercover couple? Ring a bell?"

Kara swirled the wine around her glass, taking a large gulp. A shame really, that she wasn't going to be able to enjoy the excellent vintage. She had known that this conversation was coming, of course. The problem was, seventy-two hours after the plan was hatched and forty-eight hours before the Nathan James left, Kara still had no idea how she felt about any of it. Finally, she sighed. "I wish I knew why he suggested it."

Alisha grinned over her glass. "I can think of two reasons..."

Kara threw up a hand. "Do _not_ say it's because he's in love with me."

"Well..." Alisha laughed, before her tone changed. "Actually, I think the most likely explanation is the opposite. Green might have come up on the straight and narrow, but he's been on Cooper's team for three years now. And Cooper's a spook. They do things differently."

"Like with Cape Town."

"Exactly!" Alisha sat up, arms waving to emphasis the point, forgetting about the wine in her hand until it threatened to spill all over the couch. "Green and Cooper set up some wild scheme where they claimed that they both accidentally rented the same vacation home and then had to stay there together because they had nowhere else to go. Lord knows why anyone bought such a ridiculous story."

Kara took another drink of her wine. "People like Danny. He's charming."

"When he wants to be," Alisha shot back.

xxxxx

_"Lieutenants."_

_The sandy-haired man stepped to the side of the p-way to let Kara and Alisha pass, nodding politely, and Kara tried to place him. One of the SEALs. Green, maybe?_

_"Thank you, Lieutenant." She turned towards him as they passed, and found herself looking up and up and up. He was tall - taller than Carlton. And big, almost as big as Slattery. Yet Kara didn't feel the need to step back, crowded in the small space. Instead she felt...safe. It was disorienting. Which is the only reason that she paused. Or, at least that's what she told Alisha, and herself, later. "I hope that you and your team are settling in. We're glad to have you on board."_

_"It's been a while since I was on a destroyer. I'm still getting my sea legs back." Then he smiled, and Kara wasn't sure how she managed to stop herself from stumbling over her own feet. He was handsome before but now, his entire face lit up. "I'm Danny, by the way."_

_"Kara," she replied, a tad breathlessly, before gesturing to the woman next to her, who was observing them with obvious merriment. "And this is Alisha."_

_Danny smiled again, and it had the same dazzling effect on Kara as it did the first time. "Looking forward to seeing you in the wardroom."_

_They were ten feet down the corridor when Alisha leaned over, her laughter spilling out. "Don't look now but he totally just checked out your ass."_

xxxxx

"So a cover story," Kara replied, fighting disappointment.

_After all, what else would it be?_

Alisha shrugged. "No different than you attending with Miller or Jeter, except that Danny will be playing two roles."

_God she was idiot._

Danny was practically engaged to another woman. From his perspective, this was no different than going "on vacation" with Sasha or "dating" Azima. It was work. They were professionals. Everyone knew the score. Sure, Danny's history with Kara might make for a bit of awkwardness, but that was a small price to pay for bagging Vargas. Kara should be relieved, happy that they were finally getting back to the place they should never have left - colleagues. And yet...

"Why can't you let him go?" Alisha asked, the question quiet.

Kara's head shot up. "What do you mean?"

"It's been five years. What is so special about this guy?" Alisha held up a hand to stop her when Kara went to speak. "I don't mean the physical stuff. Lord knows that boy is fine and the two of you practically light a fire when you are in the same room there's so much chemistry. But, honestly, Danny was kind of an asshole back then, sweetie."

Unable to let that one go, Kara interjected. "He was going through a lot. He was devastated when Frankie died and then with what happened with Berchem and Smith..."

"We all lost people," Alisha retorted, an edge to her voice. "We were all stuck in a shitty situation. It doesn't mean that you can act however you want and hurt other people in the process."

Kara leaned forward, hand reaching out to touch Alisha's knee. She knew how difficult it was for Alisha to think about those days, the dark time when she found out just who, and what, her mother was. "We don't have to talk about this, Al. I know it brings up a lot of bad memories."

"No, that's the problem. We never talk about what happened back then because of _her_." Alisha stared into the distance for a few moments, before she seemed to shake off the melancholia that always arose when the topic of Amy Granderson arose. "But this isn't about me. I'm your best friend. If we can't talk about this stuff, who can you talk to?"

Kara sat back, taking another gulp of her wine. "Fair point."

"So talk to me, Kara," Alisha said. "I remember what things were like after Gitmo. How he gave you the cold shoulder and then threw you under the bus, blaming you for everything. But none of that ever shook your faith in him. What is it about Danny that makes him to special?"

xxxxx

_She could hear the snickering as she walked past, feel the way Kawalski's eyes lingered, see his smirk as he whispered something to Jackman under his breath. She fought the heat rising in her cheeks. Any reaction, no matter how slight, would only encourage them._

_Kara had known that this would happen, of course. It was the reason she resisted in the first place. No matter what the Navy's PR department claimed, the Navy remained 99% male. Being a woman in a man's world, she had to work twice as hard, be five times as dedicated, and avoid even the hint of impropriety. And with what had come out about her and Danny, well, now every man on this ship was picturing her naked, wondering how easily she gave it up. Well, probably not Miller or Jeter - even the idea of Jeter thinking about a fellow sailor_ _naked_ _felt wrong - but pretty much everyone else._

_And that wasn't even the worst of it. Oh no, things got even better when the crew figured out that something went wrong that night in Gitmo. It didn't take a brain surgeon, of course, to realize that the timing was off. And they all blamed her. Not the Captain or XO, of course, because they knew what actually happened. But the rank-and-file didn't know that, and logic dictated that Kara was the one at fault. Danny was a SEAL, after all, with nerves of steel. Kara was the rookie who was pulled into the mission simply because she bore a passing resemblance to Doctor Scott and could shoot a gun. Nobody imagined that Danny was the one to slow down the RHIB. Even Barker was watching her more closely, double checking her orders and calculations, and anything she could say to defend herself just sounded like an excuse._

_What had she been thinking? How could she have done this to herself?_

_But Kara knew. She had gambled and lost. A leap of faith. She had trusted Danny, believing that, if their secret was exposed, they would face the outcome together._

_Instead, he had let her fall._

xxxxx

Kara swirled her drink, considering the question. What was it about Danny? Was it possible that she was holding onto a fantasy because she didn't want to believe that she almost destroyed her life for a fling? But even as she asked the question, Danny's face in that tent flashed across her mind. _Please don't leave me, Kara. Please. I love you._ No matter what else might have happened, she knew that those words weren't a lie. That what they had together was real. Forbidden and destructive, perhaps. But real all the same.

"Look, he made mistakes. I know that. _But that isn't who he is_."

Alisha sighed again. "I like Danny. You know that. I've always liked him. He was good to me even before Baltimore, unlike a lot of the guys. And what he and Carlton did...well, I wouldn't be here without them."

Kara reached over to squeeze Alisha's arm. Anything that Kara had dealt with over the years paled in comparison to what Alisha went through, fighting her way up the ranks as a petite, black, gay woman. And that was before Baltimore. Kara still felt guilty, such a mess herself in those days that she couldn't spare a thought for her closest friend. So instead it was Danny and Carlton who sat with Alisha day after day, not leaving her alone for a minute, until the worst of the depression passed and Alisha finally began to see a glimmer of hope for the future.

Alisha's eyes narrowed on Kara. "But none of that answers my question. Again, what is it about Green that is so special?"

"I don't know." Kara looked up, catching Alisha's surprise. "I don't know what it is about him. I just know that from the moment we met that there was something there that I've never felt for anyone else and ... I can't help but wonder what might have happened if I hadn't...hadn't..."

"I know that you blame yourself for the miscarriage, Kara, but it wasn't your fault." Kara turned her attention to the window, unable to look at her friend, but Alisha wasn't finished. "What you - not Danny, _you_ \- went through was terrible. We were in the middle of a pandemic that killed eighty percent of the population. You got dumped by the guy you loved and turned on by people you trusted. And then not only did you have a miscarriage, but you almost died. Sure you made some mistakes. You fell for a guy you shouldn't have fallen for. You broke some rules. But that doesn't mean you deserve to have someone stick a pin in you like a voodoo puppet for the rest of your life."

Despite herself, Kara smiled. "A voodoo puppet?"

"Val," Alisha explained, mouth twisting. "It's her new thing. It's driving me crazy."

"You're the one marrying her," Kara pointed out.

Alisha shrugged. "Look, Kara, you are always the first to forgive other people. You didn't blame me for trusting my mother. You have a list of excuses a mile long for Danny. You intervened with the crew for Doctor Scott after the Arctic. You're even nice to Val."

Kara smiled weakly at the longtime joke. "She reminds me of a stray cat."

"The point is that it's time to stop thinking about everyone else and focus on yourself," Alisha continued. "I get it, with Danny. I really do. It's hard when you can't figure out _why_. But sometimes there are no answers."

xxxxx

_Kara clenched her pillow, trying to drown out the sobs that shook her frame, wondering what the hell was wrong with her. She never lost control like this, but at the moment it was taking every ounce of willpower that Kara had not to start wailing at the top of her lungs._

_"You want to talk about it?" Alisha's soft voice rose from the bunk below._

_"Sorry." Kara hardly recognized her voice, so scratchy with tears. "I didn't mean to wake you."_

_"I wasn't sleeping." Alisha paused, and then the bed shifted as she pulled herself onto the top bunk. "I know how you feel."_

_"What?" Kara asked, not following._

_"A couple years back, I got involved with a woman who worked in the same department at the Pentagon." Alisha paused. "It's hard to meet someone, you know? So few people to talk to. Moving bases all the time. Out on deployment. It wasn't officially prohibited, but frowned upon, dating a fellow officer. So we kept it a secret. She was always worried that someone might see us. Then one day somebody did. I'll never forget the look on Joyce's face when she realized that we had been caught."_

_"What happened?"_

_"Joyce got scared. She cut me off. And then she went to Command, confessed all. We both got a slap on the wrist for failing to disclose the relationship when it began." Alisha was silent for a few minutes. "I was transferred to Norfolk a few months later and that's where I met Sarah."_

_"Did you talk to her again?"_

_"Just once. A year later we ran into each other. We went for a drink and I asked her why she did it. She said that she was scared of being kicked out because of who my mother was."_

_Kara gasped. "She reported you because she was scared of your mother?"_

_"Pretty much." Alisha seemed to be mulling over her words. "We like to think that we would never do something like that. That when the cards fall we would stand by the other person, do and say all of the right things, but the truth is that its a hard position to be in. Danny is being a complete dick and I wouldn't blame you at all if you never talk to him again. But..."_

_"But what?"_

_Alisha was silent for a long time, so long that Kara was startled when she finally spoke. "For the longest time I kept replaying everything. Wondering if I imagined all those special moments. Thinking that Joyce must not have felt the same way if she could just cut me off like that. But it wasn't about me at all. And what Danny's doing right now? None of it is about you. It's about him trying to figure himself out. Just remember that."_

xxxxx

Kara sighed. "You're the only person who ever really got it."

Alisha went to the kitchen to retrieve another bottle of wine. Kara noticed with disappointment that the selection had gone significantly downhill, moving from Louis Latour to two-buck chuck. Kara draining the remainder of her glass, making sure to get every drop.

"I really thought that Stephen might be the guy," Alisha said as she poured. "The two of you seemed to click."

"We did," Kara admitted. Despite Stephen's inflated belief in his own importance, he had been a decent guy. On paper, at least, their relationship had seemed perfect. Their jobs were complimentary, with few conflicts, and their lifestyles were similar. Since they both travelled frequently, there was little conflict over Kara's long hours, and with each of them having various security clearances, neither was bothered by the fact that the other person might not be entirely forthcoming about what was going on at work. Over the nine months that they saw each other, they rarely fought. And, if he did annoy her from time to time, Kara suspected that at least some of those issues could have been fixed had she bothered to talk to Stephen about them.

_If she hadn't always treated him as though his position in her life were temporary._

"I'm not saying that he was the right guy," Alisha replied. "But something is holding you back. And I don't want to see you spend your life pinning away for something that just isn't mean to be."

Kara took a deep breath, the admission coming out in a quick breath. "I'm scared."

That clearly wasn't the reaction that Alisha expected. "What?"

"I'm scared of it happening again." Kara closed her eyes, taking another calming breath. "Things with Stephen were going well. He had been hinting about the possibility of getting married. And then he asked me if I wanted kids. All I could think about was losing another baby. I panicked."

"Oh honey!" Alisha moved closer, wrapped her arm around Kara's shoulders. "Of course you're worried about it! Did you talk to him about it?"

Kara thought about the last night with Stephen, telling him that it was over, unable to give him a better explanation than the tried-and-true _it's not you, it's me_. She shook her head at Alisha. "I couldn't. I never told him about...any of it, actually. I think he might have suspected something about Danny but nothing more than that."

"Well, that just means that he was the wrong person," Alisha asserted, when Kara trailed off. "But the right guy is out there. A guy who you can tell about your past. One who will make you forget all about Danny-dickhead-Green. And you need to keep looking for him. Because you're smart and gorgeous and I'm still pissed off that you're straight because we would totally make a kick-ass couple."

Giggling, Kara leaned her head against Alisha's shoulder. "There are times when I almost feel sorry for Val."

"Speaking of Val," Alisha checked her watch. "Rats. I was supposed to call her twenty minutes ago to fill her in on the venues."

"That's my cue." Kara gathered her belongings, pouring the remains of her two-buck chuck down the sink, and was at the door when she realized something. "You said there were two reasons why Danny might have suggested that he be my escort in Brazil. What was the second?"

Alisha grinned, already dialing. "That's he's still totally head-over-heels in love with you, of course."

Groaning, Kara flipped her the bird. "I hate you."

"The feeling is mutual," Alisha laughed, before she looked up, her voice serious. "Think about what I said, Kara. You deserve to be happy."

"I will."

_xxxxx_

_"Hey."_

_Kara continued walking. She had just come off a double shift, it was 3:30 in the morning and she had obviously overdone the coffee based on the way her stomach was roiling. Dealing with Danny's shit was not on her to-do list._

_"Kara, please."_

_She hated that he could still get to her. That the mere sound of his voice was enough for her to want to throw her arms around him, despite how angry she was, how hurt. She spun, hands fisting. "What? And keep it short. I don't need any more rumors about when and where I might be available to scratch an inch."_

_He looked as though she had hit him. Then his eyes narrowed. "Who said that?"_

_And for some reason she felt ... guilty? Was it possible that he didn't know what was going on? What the guys were saying? What it was like for her on this ship now that their secret was out? Kara shook her head. If only she wasn't so tired, maybe then she could think clearly._ _"Does it matter?"_

_"I..." he stopped and they stood there silently. Finally he tried a crooked smile. "I suck at this."_

_Kara turned to leave. "Yeah, you do."_

_"No, wait." He raised a hand to brush a strand of hair from her cheek, the simple contact a balm after the weeks of torment. "I'm sorry. I am."_

_She wanted to believe him. But more than that, she wanted him to prove it. That he loved her. That it wasn't all a lie. That they would make it work, when this was all done and over. To show her, not just tell her, that she mattered to him. But this was not the time. Not the place. "We'll talk later. Okay?"_

_"Okay." He smiled, clearly relieved, as though suddenly everything was resolved, and she felt another spark of resentment. Perhaps he sensed that because he spoke again. "I'll make it up to you, Kara. I will."_

_She turned and left without a word._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hours later, Kara gave up on sleep, moving to the ridiculously expensive sofa that she refused to replace despite it being both too saggy and too hard, and began flipping through the eight television channels now available. Given that it was the middle of the night, all were playing old sitcoms and Kara settled on an episode on Friends.

The conversation with Alisha had been rough, stirring up old dreams and fears and anguish. But even in the midst of the emotional turmoil, Kara knew that Alisha was right. That her best friend was only telling her truths that she already knew, just could not seem to accept.

The baby, _her baby_ , was gone.

And so was Danny.

The fantasy of them figuring it out and raising a child and having a happily-ever-after was cold and dead. Destroyed by the Red Flu as surely as everything else around them. It was time for Kara to accept reality. To acknowledge that what happened five years ago changed everything, and the woman who walked confidently into that vaccine trial was not the woman who limped out.

Maybe she would never find that spark, that instant connection, with someone again. But there were other things that were just as important. Companionship. Faithfulness. Even love - different, perhaps, but no less real.

_Like Andrea and Tex_.

_Like Tom and Sasha._

_Like Alisha and Val._

She wrinkled her nose. Well, perhaps not like Alisha and Val. That would be like dating Jacob Barnes, and there wasn't a chance in hell of _that_ happening. Picking up her phone, she sent a quick text.

_So, am I allowed a plus one at the wedding?_

Given the hour, she wasn't really expecting an answer but it was immediate.

_Absolutely._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you were wondering, I absolutely borrowed the plot of Christmas Getaway with Bridget and Travis for that undercover story. It's cute, if one can get over the idea of Danny and Sasha making doe eyes at each other...bahahaha.


	4. First Dance

"And here is your charming companion! Returned to you safe and sound!" Paulo Alves, the Brazilian Secretary of Defense, beamed as he handed Kara off to Danny, and she acknowledged a bit of relief at being done with the obligatory dance. Keeping a serene expression and trying to discretely avoid being fondled while dancing with highly-placed governmental officials was always exhausting. Still, that was the point of the evening's festivities. To see and be seen. To give the Brazilian government an opportunity to show off the Americans from the Nathan James and celebrate the signing of a historic trade agreement designed to cement the relationship between the two largest economies in the Western Hemisphere. The agreement had been done beforehand, of course, Kara and Danny's participation in the last few days of meetings merely a formality. But that distinction seemed to be of no importance to the organizers of tonight's festivities, or most of the participants.

Alves turned to his wife. "My dear?"

As they left, Danny glanced at Kara, gesturing to the dance floor. "Shall we?"

Lord she had been dreading this moment. To be back in Danny's arms. _Surrounded by him._ Their bodies moving as one.

_Warmth. Safety. Comfort._

Everything she desired - _with a man who wasn't hers_.

But there was little choice. This was the arranged signal with Cooper's informant, a fact that made Kara regret leaving the planning to Sasha. Still, what objection could she have given? Sasha's plan was brilliant in its simplicity. Danny and Kara would take the floor for two dances, giving their contact plenty of time to get into position, before heading to the restrooms. While Kara freshened up, Danny would wait outside, playing the dutiful and considerate escort. The exchange of information would be done via a handshake. A slight of hand that would appear no different than dozens of other interactions tonight, just another citizen who recognized the American visitor from the news and wanted to shake his hand.

Kara wove her way through the crowd, not trusting her voice as Danny escorted her onto the dance floor. The brush of his hand against the exposed skin of her back branding her with each movement, and she hated the way her body betrayed her, greedily craving even the most innocent of touches.

_His mouth crushing hers._

_Her bare back against the cold wall._

_His hands buried in her hair._

_Her legs wrapped around his waist._

_His cock buried deep inside her._

Her nipples hardened under her dress and Kara prayed that it wasn't visible through the light fabric. The dress had been chosen by Alisha, of course. The shimmering midnight fabric fell to her feet in an elegant drape, covering Kara completely until she turned, exposing how the dress dipped from her shoulders to the small of her back. _It's sexy without being inappropriate_. Alisha had said. _Subtle but not dowdy, with just a hint of skin_. Her friend had insisted. _The perfect dress for a diplomatic event._ And, as she prepared for this event, Kara had agreed. She looked exactly the part of staid Navy Captain dressed for an official event.

Then Kara stepped into the hall and realized that, consciously or not, she picked this dress for him. Danny's eyes scorched her as they travelled down her body, taking in every detail from her simple silver earrings to her matching strappy heels. When he finally finished his perusal, he had said nothing, but the smile that curved his lips told her everything that she needed to know.

Now, however, Kara was cursing the gown's long sleeves and full-length skirt, feeling more bedraggled than sexy. Her normally stick-straight hair was curling around her face, clumped to her neck, the thick humidity exposing some long dormant wave. She could only hope that her dress was not similarly rumpled. Danny, she noticed, gave no indication that he was bothered by the temperature, his tux as smooth and unwrinkled as it had been when he knocked on her door hours earlier. Still, he looked different, somehow, in a tuxedo rather than his uniform. Younger, more relaxed, more like the carefree Danny of old.

As they reached the edge of the dance floor, Danny drew Kara towards him. Close but not to close, the perfect gentleman. One hand came to rest on the small of her back and the other folded around hers before he twirled them into a waltz. Their bodies moved together effortless, as though they had done this a million times.

xxxxx

_"I have to go," Kara said quietly, checking her watch. They were in Danny's cabin playing cards while Frankie was off somewhere with Halsey. A step too far, she knew, being here alone with the door closed. But they hadn't crossed the line. Not yet._

_"Already?" Danny sighed._

_"Shift in thirty minutes," she replied._

_He stood with her, watching as she straightened her uniform and smoothed back her hair. It wouldn't do to leave looking anything less than perfect. "I forgot how boring it is to be shipside."_

_Kara laughed. "Perhaps for you. The rest of us have jobs."_

_He raised an eyebrow. "And, what, pray tell is there to do in CIC as we cruise through the Artic on our way to find Santa Claus?"_

_She leaned in, beckoning him closer, as though about to tell him a secret. "Sometimes I make the guys figure out the difference between a whale and a porpoise."_

_Danny gave a bark of laughter, and she abruptly realized how close their faces were. As though he had just made the same observation, his laughter faded, eyes dropping to her lips. "It sounds challenging."_

_"It is."_

_She could feel his breath on her face, see the pulse in his jaw as it moved, lips curling into that devastating smile. "How about a kiss for luck then?"_

_She knew what she needed to do. Leave, walk away, stop the madness now before it was too late. But she couldn't bring herself to say no. "I can't resist that smile."_

_The words barely unintelligible as she closed the last millimeter, crossing the line between friends and lovers, and changed their lives forever._

xxxxx

"You've been avoiding me," Danny murmured, his voice pitched for her ears only.

She couldn't suppress a shiver, although she kept her gaze firmly fixed just over his shoulder. "We've been together every minute of the last two days, Danny."

"Sitting three feet apart at a conference table listening to the President drone on does not count as spending time together," Danny replied, drawing her closer, until she was forced to either look up or lean against him. After a moment's hesitation, Kara chose the latter, her eyes drifting closed. "And I meant on the James."

"I was busy. Part of being the Captain." She intended for the words to be firm, ending the conversation. But they came through mumbled against his tuxedo. She fought the urge to relax, to sink into him, the sensations overwhelming.

_The rumble of his chest as he laughed._

_The steady sound of his heart under her ear._

_His arms holding her just a touch too close._

"You managed to keep me busy as well. So much for the easy tour playing cards that Slattery promise," Danny replied. "You scheduled trainings every day."

"What? I thought you set those up," Kara replied, looked up. She honestly _had_ been surprised, albeit pleased, by how seriously Danny took the temporary assignment. During the twelve days it took to sail from Mayfair to Rio de Janeiro, Danny had divided the VBSS teams into two groups, and promised the one who earned the most wins a night out on the town when they got home, creating the best sort of friendly rivalry. The VBSS teams were in good shape before, but now they were even better. Kara had even wondered...well, Danny obviously hadn't set out to impress her if he thought the trainings were mandatory. She sighed. "Carlton."

"That asshole's probably laughing himself sick right now." Danny grumbled.

Still, he didn't sound too annoyed, twirling her to avoid a collision with a slightly drunk official who Kara recognized but couldn't identify. She returned to a safer topic. "So President Lemos wasn't winning you over, then?"

"Hardly," Danny snorted. His thumb began moving, stroking her arm, sending fissions of electricity through Kara. _He's engaged_ , she reminded herself. _This is all for show. It's not real._ Hell, Danny was probably unaware of what he was doing, an unconscious habit. "Perhaps if Lemos worked as hard on addressing the country's critical housing shortage and the spiraling crime rate as he does on entertaining, he wouldn't need to host this type of party as a distraction."

"You aren't in favor of the trade deal?" Kara asked, curious now.

"No, it's a good deal. No doubt driven partly by other considerations," he admitted, not needing to explain what those considerations were. Looking the other way when Vargas was spirited out of Brazil was likely only the first _favor_ that the United States would call in. "But Lemos is ignoring significant social issues that are going to blow up in his face eventually. He's burying his head in the sand again and hoping it works."

The last was barely more than a whisper. Kara understood. Lemos was no worse than most politicians but his behavior during the Red Flu, barricading himself in his mountain mansion while the people in the town around him died and then the few survivors starved, did him few favors. His connections might have pushed him into his current role, but whether those connections were good enough to keep him there was a different question.

"I always enjoyed talking to you about international politics." Kara smiled as the music transitioned to a different, slightly up-tempo song. "Guess I finally have an answer to that question."

He glanced down, eyes locked on hers. "What question?"

"Turns out that you _can_ dance."

xxxxx

_"What's your routine?" she asked, before clarifying. "After a tour."_

_Danny considered the question as he continued cleaning his equipment. "I always call the parents, first, to make sure they know that I'm alive. Then a real shower with decent soap. Frankie and I like to order beer and wings. Although the food here hasn't been as bad as usual."_

_"Bacon's a godsend," Kara agreed. "So, no booty-call from the port?"_

_"I already have the only number that I'll be calling." He winked at her, before leaning forward to steal a brief kiss, having already determined the surveillance camera's blind spots and positioned them to take full advantage. "How about you? Anything you need to do?"_

_"First I always check on Debbie." Kara bit her lip. She never knew from trip to trip what shape she would find her mother in. One time the woman would be passed out on the couch, and Kara would spend her first night home dumping out bottles of booze and calling different rehab centers. Another time Debbie would be so focused on whatever hobby she was currently pursuing that Kara barely saw her._

_Danny looked as though he might say something further, then changed tact. "Any plans your second night?"_

_"None."_

_He smiled slowly, eyes flickering to her lips. "Then let's make some."_

_She glanced at him through her lashes. "Are you asking me on a date, Lieutenant Green?"_

_"I am, Lieutenant Foster. You and me. Dinner. Maybe some dancing."_

_"You dance?" Kara asked, skeptical._

_He grinned, before stealing another kiss, teeth nibbling on her bottom lip until she wished that they were somewhere far, far more private. "Guess you'll just have to find out for yourself."_

xxxxx

Danny's eyes darkened, mouth curving into that devastating smile, and she knew that he remembered too. "Have I mentioned how much I like this dress?"

The low, sensual rumble of his voice sent a shot of electricity directly to her core, and she barely suppressed a moan. "Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself."

That couldn't be her voice, so sultry, so _provocative_. Kara tore her gaze away, allowing her head to rest on his shoulder. Two dances. That's all this was. Two dances and then they would be done. _Leaving her aching for more._

She could hear the tinge of sadness in his voice when he spoke. "We never did go on that date, did we?"

"No," she whispered. "We didn't."

They continued in silence, and Kara tried to memorize every moment.

_The warmth of his torso._

_The curve of his jaw._

_The confidence with which he moved across the floor._

The dance lasted a day, and a second, but finally the music slowed, and then stopped. The moment - _their moment_ \- disappearing. Kara braced herself, looking up. "That was the second dance."

He paused, as though he was as reluctant to move on as she, and then nodded. "Showtime."

Kara took a step back. "Restrooms?"

"Indeed."

Kara took her time in the facilities, washing her hands thoroughly and then pausing to fix her lipstick. She stared at her reflection, almost not recognizing the woman who stared back. Despite her rumpled dress and slightly smeared make-up, her cheeks were flushed, her eyes glowing. _Like a woman in love._ Kara thrust her hands under the cool water, ignoring how they shook, trying to slow the racing of her heart.

_It was just a cover._

_An op._

_She couldn't forget that._

_None of it was real._

Unable to delay longer, Kara exited the restrooms, her eyes going immediately to Danny. Memorizing the sight of him so apparently relaxed, casually conversing with those around him. He looked up, smiling, immediately excusing himself and heading in her direction as though they truly were here together, and he wasn't merely her assigned escort. Her stomach roiling, Kara understood how he and Cooper managed to convince an entire town of some absurd holiday tale. The way Danny was looking at her right now...

_She felt like the only woman in the world._

Kara smiled as he approached, hoping that her lips didn't look as brittle as they felt. "Shall we mingle, Commander?"

Danny raised an eyebrow, his forehead wrinkling, and she though he might object. But then he nodded, hand tightening on her arm. "Those are our orders. Lead on, Captain."

She expected them to separate, for Danny to work one side of the room, while she focused on the opposite. After all, while they had achieved their primary goal, their secondary task for the evening remained. _Meet and greet. See and be seen. Sell their damn cover,_ as Cooper would say. But as the evening passed, Danny remained firmly by her side. Although Kara spun around the dancefloor with a dozen different men, Danny was there each time the music ended, pulling her arm through his almost proprietarily. And even as Kara smiled and talked and laughed, she found her eyes straying frequently to the man by her side. Struggling to focus on anything or anyone except for him. By the time the evening wound down enough for them to make their excuses, she was on fire, burning with the desire to touch him. To smooth down his jacket. To brush her hand along his cheek. To lean against his side.

_Just like those old days on the Nathan James._

The trip to the fourth floor was silent. Upon reaching her assigned room, Danny entered first, as he had done every night of their stay, to check for threats as well as surveillance gear. Kara lingered in the doorway for a moment, giving him time to complete the task. But, instead of retreating to his own room through the connecting door as she was expecting, Danny reached past Kara to close her door. When he turned, he was close enough to touch, and she could feel the invisible cord drawing them together. His head dipped, his eyes dropping to her lips, his hand reaching towards her in an achingly familiar gesture, and she wanted nothing more than to let what was about to happen, happen, but...

"Stop!"

Kara thrust her hand against his chest, putting a millimeter of space between them despite every molecule in her body screaming in protest. After all, _she_ wasn't the one who was attached. _She_ wasn't doing anything wrong. But even as her brain shouted rationalizations at her, Kara knew that this would only make things worse. More complications. More pain. More guilt.

And they both carried far too much guilt already.

xxxxx

_Danny was sitting against the bulkhead, arms wrapped around his knees, head back, and even in the dark she could see the anguish in his eyes._

_"I was so focused on proving myself, on showing them all that I knew what I was doing. Cosseti wasn't ready. I knew he wasn't ready. I should never have let him go. And now he's dead." His voice was rough from tears. Mourning the loss of a teammate he never had the chance to get to know. Dead too quickly._

_Kara slid to the floor next to him, resting her head on his shoulder, knowing that nothing - nothing - she said would make this better. Danny had once described a mission as hours of planning followed by moments of terror, but Kara knew that was only the first part. The second part was the worst. That was when you second guessed ever decision you made, every action that you took. Trying to convince yourself that there was nothing you could have done differently, but never believing it. Knowing that one insignificant, minor change could have resulted in a completely different outcome._

_One where nobody died._

_"Blame Ruskov. This is on him."_

_"I wish that I could."_

_And then Kara did the only thing that she could do. She climbed onto Danny's lap, wrapping herself around him, giving him everything she could, knowing that it wasn't enough. That it would never be enough._

_That he would never stop blaming himself._

xxxxx

"That isn't who I am." Kara took a deep breath, forcing herself to take a step back. "That isn't who _you_ are. You have a wonderful woman waiting for you at home, Danny. I won't mess that up for you."

Her hand was on the doorknob when he spoke.

"We aren't seeing each other anymore."

The words were so soft that Kara wasn't sure she had heard him correctly. "What?"

"Laura and I broke up. Before the Nathan James left Mayfair."

She didn't turn, not sure that she could look at him, certain that he could hear the beating of her heart. Kara hadn't heard even a whisper of gossip about the breakup, certainly unusual for Carlton. But then, hadn't she deliberately been avoiding any mention of Danny? "I'm sorry. Laura was a good woman."

"She was." He paused, and when he spoke again, his voice was raw. "But I wasn't in love with her and she knew it."

Her eyes shot to him, needing to see his face, to make sure that this was really happening. "What? But..."

Danny gave her a look. One that she recognized all too well. The one he used on junior officers who were exhibiting what he deemed extreme stupidity. She used to laugh at him when he ranted, telling him that he was too tough on people, but Danny was not one to suffer a fool. "Nothing has changed, Kara."

xxxxx

_She squeezed onto the bunk, no easy task given that Danny filled ninety percent of the space. Pushing at his t-shirt, allowing her mouth to ghost across his stomach. Feeling the leap of his flesh under her fingers._

_"When is Tex back?" She reached for his waistband, batting away the hands that attempted to stop her._

_"Doctor Scott said no sex..." Danny's breathing was already ragged, but he shifted so that she was pinned against him, unable to move._

_"That's not what we're doing." She couldn't change what happened. She couldn't bring back Frankie or Smith or Berchem or...or the baby. But she could give him this. She could help him forget, just for a minute._

_"Kara." His hand caught her chin, drawing her up, not letting her look away. "I love you, Kara. Nothing is going to change that."_

_Tears pouring down her face she wrapped her arms around him, their mouths colliding in uncoordinated clash of teeth and tongues that should have been painful but somehow wasn't. Danny shifted, twisting until they were lying side by side on the thin bunk, his leg throw over her, pinning her between him and the wall. As their frenzy calmed, Danny reached out, wiping away her tears with rough thumbs. "_ _Did you hear me? Nothing is going to change how I feel, Kara. Nothing."_

_"I love you too."_

xxxxx

Kara froze, staring at Danny's face, certain that she had misunderstood. That he didn't mean what she thought he meant But his gaze never wavered.

"I never stopped loving you, Kara. Never. I don't think I ever could."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so we all know that this was coming, right? Because, I mean, WOULD I EVER NOT GET THESE TWO TOGETHER? (Well, except for that one time. But that doesn't really count, right? I mean, it was only once ... and Danny was dead...and it probably won't happen again...darn plot ideas...lol.) Laura was always going to get the shaft. Poor woman. I actually kind of like her... Until next time. xoxo - tmtcltb


	5. Confessions

Chapter 5 - Confessions

x

x

Kara stared at Danny, her mouth opening and closing, unable to find a single word.

_"I never stopped loving you, Kara. Never. I don't think I ever could."_

"What..." She stopped, feeling blindsided. Her mind was in turmoil, jumping from one thought to the next, leaving her unable to focus on anything - except for one blinding fact. _"You bought Laura a ring_."

Danny sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck in a nervous gesture that was both endearingly familiar and unbelievably aggravating. He walked to the window, looking out. "I probably need to explain that."

_No shit_. Kara decided that was probably not the best response, although it was the most accurate. Taking a moment to collect herself, she crossed the room to the fully stocked fridge. She held up a bottle with an unfamiliar label. "Beer?"

Danny glanced over his shoulder. "Thanks."

Grabbing a bottle of juice for herself, Kara walked to the window. She passed Danny the beer, not speaking, instead silently staring out into the night sky. Standing side-by-side, the way they had done a hundred times before.

xxxxx

_They stood at the rail, surrounded by darkness. Both lost in thoughts of home, of family. The news from Captain Chandler leaving them reeling._

_"Did you reach your family?" Kara asked, little more than a whisper. Danny's hand brushed hers and she could feel the pinprick of tears in her eyes._

_"No." He paused. "Your mom?"_

_"No answer."_

_Her breath caught. A tiny sound that he somehow heard over the thump of the waves hitting the hull, his hand moving to cover hers. The simple gesture enough to break through her defenses, and tears began rolling down her face. His thumb stroked across the top of her hand, over and over again, as she cried. Not offering pointless platitudes. Not telling her to toughen up. Giving her the time, the space, that she so desperately needed._

_When the tears finally stopped, Kara took a shuddering breath. "For years I've been expecting that call. One where I find out that she passed out and got run over or, god forbid, killed someone while she was drunk. I thought that I was prepared. But this..." She shook her head. "Nothing prepared me for this."_

_"I know." It was Danny's turn to pause. "Please be careful."_

_"What?" That wasn't what she was expecting him to say, and Kara turned to peek at him through damp lashes. But Danny was still staring into the unending night._

_"I never worried about them. Never thought that..." His voice was flat, detached, and she instinctively understood how close he was to the edge. How many times had Kara used that tone when talking about Debbie? Trying to get through what she needed to say without breaking down. "My mom's a doctor. She would have been on the front lines. The chances...the chances aren't good."_

_Now it was Kara's turn to rub her hand over his, to stay silent as he grappled with all that had happened, struggling to accept the unacceptable. To comprehend how the world could have so completely changed overnight._

_"I don't think that I could lose you too, Kara."_

_The words were so quiet that she barely heard them. "I'm not going anywhere, Danny. I'll be right here with you."_

_His hand tightened on hers. "And you'll be careful?"_

_It was a ridiculous request given who they were, what they did, where they were. But, at that moment, reality didn't matter. "I promise."_

_xxxxx_

Danny finally broke the silence. "I told everyone that I met Laura through mutual friends but the truth is that I met her at The Joint."

He glanced sideways, looking to gauge her reaction, and Kara was tempted to roll her eyes. "I've been in the Navy for thirteen years, Green. I'm aware that strip clubs are popular."

He took a sip of his beer. "Yeah, well, Laura was an employee."

Now _that_ was a surprise. "Isn't she a teacher?"

"Now she is. But back then..." He hesitated. "What I'm telling you could really screw up her life."

"I've been known to keep a secret or two in my time," Kara replied mildly. She wanted to be annoyed at the lack of trust but, at the same time, she understood. After all, hadn't she gone above and beyond to salvage Danny's disastrous trip to Columbia? Which, now that she thought about it, was the only reason that they were here, together, in Rio de Janeiro having this conversation. _Some sort of bad cosmic joke._

"Touché." Danny tipped his beer at her. "Anyway, I don't actually remember meeting Laura so much as waking up next to her the next morning. That was a bit awkward."

"Hardly your first one night stand," Kara replied, her voice dry. Danny might not have been much of a player, but he also wasn't a choir boy. Carlton generally didn't say much - part of his whole _I am_ _Switzerland_ routine when it came to Danny and Kara's complicated non-relationship - but Kara was pretty adept at reading between the lines.

"This one was a bit different."

He sounded so uncomfortable, as though he was hoping that she would understand what he was saying without actually saying it. Her mouth dropped open. "Did she ask you for money?"

Not that it was unusual. Plenty of the guys did it, even pre-pandemic. And with how the world shook out, well, a lot of things were different now. But the idea of Danny paying for sex? That still shocked her.

His voice was gruff. "Turns out that Laura didn't remember anything either so we settled on breakfast. We got to talking and realized that we knew some of the same people. From before."

Kara nodded. That happened more often than she would have expected. The whole six-degrees of separation taking on new meaning in a post-apocalyptic world filed with people desperate to connect. "So you saw her again."

"Yeah." Danny was twirling his beer. "It was casual. I could call in the middle of the night, or not call for a month. She didn't seem to care. She didn't need anything from me. She didn't want anything."

That stung a little, and Kara found herself crossing her arms over her chest. "I suppose that's the benefit of paying someone. No baggage."

"That's not...I mean it wasn't like that...There was no money..."

Annoyed at Danny's fumbling, Kara turned towards him, her toe tapping. "Do you have a point?"

Danny sighed, tipping up his beer. "I'm not explaining this well."

"Maybe we shouldn't do this. There is no reason for you to be telling me..." Kara began, but he cut her off.

"Yes, there is." He set down his beer, turning to face her. "Five years ago, I was too messed up myself to be there for you, so I walked away. But I always thought..." He paused, eyes becoming unfocused, as though he were somewhere else. "I took you for granted, Kara, thinking that you would be there waiting when I was ready. When I had myself together. And when you weren't, well... I'm not making that mistake again."

She was honestly shocked. "I broke up with you, Danny."

He reached out, hesitating for just a second before he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I've had a lot of time to think over the last couple of years. Traveling with the team means a lot of downtime, you know. Not that different from being on ship."

His hand had moved to her cheek, and Kara felt her eyes closing, almost hypnotized by the heat radiating off him, the sound of his voice.

"I was so mad at you for what happened in St. Louis," he continued. "For giving up on me. On _us_."

Her eyes popped open. "Danny, I..."

He shifted his hand to press a finger to her lips, and Kara felt a tear slip down her cheek. "But then I realized that you can't leave someone who is already gone. I shut you off in Gitmo. I let you deal with the fallout from everyone finding out about us alone. Even in St. Louis, I signed up to ship out on the Nathan James without even talking to you. Carlton cornered me at one point, told me to get my shit together."

"He did?" Kara whispered. "I didn't know that. He always tells me that he's Switzerland."

"Yeah, maybe for you. I get more of a Cold War Russia vibe." Danny brushed away a tear, his gaze on her steady, and Kara could barely breath. "But he was right. I was so wrapped up in my own shit that I never even thought about how things must have been for you. After ... after we lost the baby, all I could think about was how unfair it was. That I had to deal with another hit, on top of everything else. But you were going through the same thing. More, really, because I had you to lean on and you had nobody. When I thought about it, the only surprise about you breaking things off was that you didn't do it earlier."

The mention of the baby broke through Kara's fog. Reality intruding with a thud. She looked down, biting hard on her lip. "You did nothing wrong, Danny. _Nothing_."

It was as if he didn't hear her. "And then, after the James got back from Asia, I fell back into the same damn pattern. Too angry to make things right. Too focused on saving the world to realize that I was giving up the only reason that I wanted to save it."

_xxxxx_

_"We can't keep doing this, Danny."_

_The words were whispered through the door, but Kara knew that he heard. Could feel the door creak as he slid to the floor of the porch. Unable to walk away, she did the same. Both sitting, backs against opposite sides of the door. She had sworn to herself that she would not do this. She would not talk to him. She would not let him inside. She definitely would not..._

_"Five minutes. Please."_

_But just like every time this had happened since the Nathan James returned from Japan, she found herself opening the door. Unable to resist when it came to this man. She stared up at him, taking in his condition. Tired, exhausted more accurately, with thick black rings under his eyes, but there was no smell of alcohol. She wasn't sure if that made it better or worse. It would be easier, somehow, to send him away if he was drinking, seeing his appearance as nothing more than a drunken bootie call. But when he was like this...i_ _t was different, harder, knowing that he was feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders._

_"When was the last time that you ate?" she asked, turning and walking down the hallway to pull out a take-out flier. "Chinese or pizza?"_

_"Chinese." The response was automatic. He rooted around in her fridge for a bottle of ice tea, the action habitual. As thought they were more than...well, whatever they were these days. It was better not to think about it too much, a decision that Kara made after she slipped and mentioned Danny spending the night to Alisha, earning herself such a look of disappointment that Kara ended up swearing that it was never happening again._

_A resolution that she managed to keep for four days._

_Kara finished the call, not bothering to ask what he wanted to order, and hopped up on the counter. Keeping as much space between them as possible in the small kitchen. "So what did you want to talk about?"_

_"I'm joining Navy intelligence."_

_Her eyes shot to his face. She shouldn't be surprised, but she was. She knew that Danny wasn't ready to settle down, to commit, no matter what he might have said on the Nathan James, back when the idea of a normal life seemed possible._ _And yet, despite knowing better, Kara had begun to hope. To think that maybe, just maybe, they could have a second chance._

_She pulled herself together._ _"Cooper's team?"_

_"Yeah." He fiddled with the bottle, before standing to pace. "There's a war going on out there, Kara, and I'm not part of it. We're still getting dozens of requests for the cure every day, plus this red rust fiasco in Europe is starting to heat up and half of South America is in complete chaos. I should be out there helping. Not stuck here escorting Oliver to fundraisers and kissing politicians' asses."_

_Unbidden, the memory of the Henan exploding flooded her mind. The utter despair that overwhelmed her at the realization that he was gone, followed by the urge to kill anyone - everyone - responsible._ _The idea of Danny being back out there, courting injury, even death, with every mission, sent a jolt of terror through her. She wanted to scream at him, shake him, demand to know how he could do this to her. But she wouldn't. Danny had always accepted her for who she was._

_She couldn't do any less._

_"Then you should go."_

_xxxxx_

"I think I was in Greece for about three minutes before I knew that I completely fucked up by leaving again, but I didn't know how to fix it," Danny continued, as though she hadn't spoken at all. "You had your life together and I..."

Kara gave a stunned laugh, her jerking up to make sure he was being serious. "My life together? Are you kidding?"

"Promoted to lieutenant commander? Dating that Jamie guy?"

Kara blinked at him. "Jamie Maynard? We never dated. _He's gay._ "

This time Danny was the one who blinked. "He is?"

"Yeah. He and Gator had a thing," Kara began, then stopped. "Why I am telling you this again?"

"You're right, it doesn't matter." Danny shook his head. "When I met Laura, we connected _because_ she had so much baggage. Neither one of us wanted more than a warm body. Laura's immune. She watched her husband die, her family die. She was teaching second grade at the time and later she found out that only one of her students survived."

A tale of devastation that was all too common. "Survivor's guilt."

"Yeah." Now Danny was staring out the window. "We were both in love with other people. Both mourning. It was easy to talk to her because there were no consequences. Hell, half the time I don't think she was even listening to me. I remember the guys talking, back before the Red Flu, about how seeing a therapist was cathartic because you could say anything. And I didn't get it. Because the only time I saw a therapist was when I was being assessed or promoted. There was always an agenda. But with Laura, I finally understood. I could tell her anything because there was no emotional involvement. I wasn't worried about messing things up. It was like talking to a wall, but felt slightly less crazy."

Kara found herself being drawn in, curious despite the fact that Danny was talking about his relationship with another woman. "And it helped?"

"Yeah, it did." He took another drink, and Kara remembered the glass in her hand, setting it down on the windowsill. "I encouraged her to quit working at The Joint and look into teaching again. She went to a few fundraisers with me to fend off the tag chasers. Over time we became friends."

"So what changed?"

"Honestly, nothing." He seemed to be struggling for the words. "The best way I can describe it is like when you get assigned a bunkmate and you have nothing in common. But then you get used to their weird habits. And then one day you're in the mess hall and you end up sitting together. And then you're stuck with the CO for your Secret Santa pick so you talk about ideas. And after six months you get to port and end up going for drinks because the idea of not seeing the person daily is weird."

And, Kara got it, sort of. How that forced connection could result in a real connection. Still, there were limits. "Marriage, though?"

He sighed. "I screwed things up before, Kara. I didn't want to do that again. Her friends were asking her when I would pop the question. They guys seemed to think that was where we were headed. We talked a little. Figured that we could make a go of it."

"Every woman's dream." But even as she said the words, Kara could think of a dozen people who had done that very thing. Given up on Prince Charming in favor of the guy who was there. The future feeling too uncertain to wait, knowing that tomorrow might never come.

"Laura was the one to realize that it would never work. Told me that I was an idiot if I married her when I still had a chance of fixing things with you. Said that if Anwar - her husband - had suddenly walked through the door, she wouldn't have cared about anything else. That she would have done whatever it took to make it work."

Kara blinked away tears. She had always known that Laura was a good person. But this...such an act of unselfishness. "She sounds like a really good person."

"She is." Danny was looking at her now, hand raised to her upper arm, thumb brushing back and forth. "Laura was there when I needed her and I'll never forget that. But that doesn't change the fact that she was right. We're both here, Kara, _alive_. And I know we can make this work. I want to give us another chance."

"I don't know if I can do this, Danny," she whispered, her mind spinning. Part of her wanted to grab on to what he was offering with both hands. But even as hope swelled, she couldn't forget the past that lay between them.

_A sandy haired boy._

_A brown-eyed girl._

_A dream that died before it began._

"Just think about it," Danny replied. "I..."

And then, without warning, Kara was on the floor, her ears ringing as though a bomb had gone off, Danny's weight sprawled across her back, crushing her.

"What the fuck." Rolling, his instincts clearly more honed than hers, he made it to the wall and flicked off the light. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, Kara could see the shattered window above her. Quickly checking herself, she could see no cuts. Danny must have taken the brunt of the falling glass. He gestured towards the connecting door to his room, presumably where his gear was stored. Scooting as best she could in her gown, Kara moved towards the bed, grabbing her gun and boots before following him along the wall. Moving silently, they made their way to Danny's room, cautiously standing as he grabbed his pack, pulling out the radio.

"This is Frog. I'm with Chicken Little. _What the fuck just happened?_ "

"Chicken Little. Seriously?" Kara asked, although she kept her voice a whisper, lacing up her boots. She swore that she saw Danny grin.

The radio cackled. "Tweedle dee and tweedle dum here. Friendlies down in the ballroom. Hostiles unclear."

"This is Cowboy. I'm on the grassy knoll. Looks like our friend may have paid us a visit."

Kara and Danny exchanged glances. Vargas was here? _That was not good._ Danny spoke again. "Mother Hen or the Cave?"

"The Cave." Sasha was the one to respond, and Kara understood the implication of her choice. Cooper was worried that the goal of tonight was not to disrupt the festivities, but rather to drive them out of the hotel and intercept them on their way to the Nathan James.

Kara grabbed the radio. "Tell Mother Hen to get clear now."

"Roger."

Danny stuffed the radio into a pocket. He looked at Kara. "Ready to run?"

Kara stood, damn glad that she wasn't doing this in heels. "Let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the whole "Frog Hog" thing from mks57's story Tag Chaser. Man I loved that story. Until next week. xoxo - tmtcltb


	6. In the Face of Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: there be smut. You have been warned.

The safehouse was more of a shack, tucked between a rather low-rent karaoke bar and a factory filled with dilapidated sewing machines. Danny paused at the entrance - as though he would be able to hear anything over the tourists screaming the words to _I Want to Fuck You_ _Like An Animal_ next door - pulling out his pistol.

In retrospect, getting out of the hotel had been the easy part. In the chaos, it was simple enough to join the crowd of people flooding down the stairs, and even to sneak through the kitchens and into the back garden where Tex was waiting. He stayed with them for only two blocks, filling them in on the situation, although he did find time to point out that _it doesn't take a Navy SEAL to realize that standing at a window backlit by the ceiling fixture makes you an excellent target_. More helpfully, before circling back to the hotel, Tex confirmed that no less than three witnesses had identified Vargas as being on the scene, leading Sasha to suspect that there was more to this shooting than a mere effort to disrupt the party.

The plan was simple. Danny would take Kara to the safehouse while Azima and Wolf officially offered their assistance to the Brazilian government, dropping less-than-subtle hints that Kara was safely back aboard the Nathan James. Sasha and Tex would take the time to reach out to their contacts for more information on Vargas. Once done, they would all meet up at the safehouse no later than 0600.

It was only once Tex disappeared that the true challenge began.

_Danny's arm wrapped around her waist, his voice in her ear, as they walked down the street, playing the part of lovers out on the town._

_His jacket sliding around her shoulders, his scent filling her nostrils, an effort to conceal her identity disguised as an act of gallantry._

_The feel of his body against hers when they passed too close to a police patrol and he spun her against the wall, bodies wedged together, lips teasing her neck._

Who knew how many times that Danny had played this game. How often he might have pulled Sasha or Azima close, using their presence as a cover. And yet, despite knowing that none of this was _real_ , Kara could feel herself responding. Her heart pounding, senses flaring, body craving more with each step, each touch. Unbearably aware of the man beside her.

_The one she almost lost tonight. Again._

Had Danny not been looking into the gardens. Had his responses been a microsecond slower. Had the falling glass hit his neck rather than his back. One tiny changes and, rather than being tortured by his presence, she would have been staring down at his lifeless body.

"I'm going to clear the house," Danny whispered. "Stay here."

And then he was gone and she was alone, shivering in the night air but not due to a chill. Fearing that the next sound she heard would be a gunshot, or the thump of a body collapsing on the floor. _Of Danny hurt, or dead._ If that happened, her orders were to run, to get herself to the secondary location immediately.

_She didn't think that she could do it._

To leave him. To fight on.

_To live in a world with no Danny in it._

What was it that he had said?

_Too focused on saving the world to realize that I was giving up the reason that I wanted to save it._

Tears blurred in her eyes as she remembered Danny's words of earlier. Was that what he had been doing? Hell, was that what _she_ had been doing? How many times over the past five years of fighting - first the virus and then the red rust and then Tavo - had she said that she was only doing her duty? Just doing her job. But was that true?

_Was it really about saving the world? Or just about saving one person?_

Shaking her head, Kara blinked until her eyes cleared. This was not the time, the place. Of course, that was the problem, wasn't it? It was never the time or the place. So, instead, they just kept moving, clashing, hurting, never figuring anything out.

The door to the shack swung open to reveal Danny, and Kara realized that she had aimed her gun at his chest. The action so ingrained as to become automatic.

Danny raised his hands. "Woah, it's me."

Kara lowered her hands, feeling the slight tremor. "All good?"

He nodded. "We're clear."

She followed him into the small space, nothing more than a lumpy couch and a small kitchenette. "We're alone?"

"Yup." He turned, placing his gun down on the kitchen table, switching on a table lamp. "There's dried food if you're hungry but nothing in the fridge. Sasha usually stocks it..."

Kara set her gun next to his, no longer listening. She didn't care about food or the safehouse or even the rest of the team right now. All she could think about were those days on the Nathan James, back in the Arctic, just after the Captain made the announcement about what was going on at home. The desperate need to be together. The frantic desire that allowed both of them to forget, if only for an instant. One ear listening for approaching footsteps. Muffling her mouth on his shoulder to stop from making a sound.

_But_ _for those few stolen moments, being exactly where she wanted to be_.

Kara didn't know what she was thinking as she moved towards Danny, raising her hands to cup his cheeks. Hell she wasn't thinking, instead acting on instinct, the urge to reassure herself that he was safe - _that they were alive_ \- on the most basic of levels overpowering. "I don't want any food, Danny."

"Kara," he began, voice soft, not pretending to misunderstand her request. "This is probably not a good idea."

"I don't care." Shrugging, she dropped his jacket from her shoulders and, giving up on pulling him down for a kiss, starting on the buttons of his tuxedo shirt instead.

"Kara," he began again. "We should ta..."

"And right now I don't want to talk either," she snapped. She stopped abruptly, hands still on his buttons, eyes squeezed shut. _God, how did she explain when she didn't understand it herself?_ "Please Danny. I need..."

For a moment she teetered on the edge of hell, eyes filling with tears, imagining what would happen if he walked away, rejected her as he had before. _I love you. Just stay away from me._ If tonight had reminded him, _once again_ , of all the reasons why _this_ , why _them_ , should not, _could not_ , happen.

And then Danny groaned, his arms encircled her, pulling her tightly against him. She glanced up through wet lashes. He stared down at her, eyes blazing with desire, yet there was also a question there that she didn't understand. She raised a hand to touch the side of his face.

"Tell me what you need, Kara."

" _You_." She stared up at him as she whispered the words, their eyes locked. "I need you."

Talk about a cliché. She should be mortified but instead she felt... _free_... everything about this man, this moment, feeling right. The years, the hurt, the anguish, all disappearing. _Just like they always had when she was in Danny's arms._ Kara wasn't fool enough to believe that any of this was permanent but, right now, this was enough. _Tonight would be enough._

"If you're sure..."

"Oh for fuck's sake."

Kara wrapped her arms around the back of his neck, jamming their mouths together in a final effort to get him to _stop talking._ He gave a snort of laughter and then he was kissing her back. The clash of lips and tongues and teeth both desperate and gentle and oh, so, familiar. Kara shifted, attempting to close the space between them, as Danny began lifting her, only to discover her gown was in the way. She would have cursed but that would have meant breaking the kiss. His hands fumbled to push it up, and Kara could hear ripping, but she didn't care, too focused on the incredible feeling of his mouth on hers, his hands sliding under her bottom, his gasp when her legs wrapped around his hips, pressing her heat against his erection.

Danny swiveled, heading deeper into the small house, bumping into walls as they moved. After hitting a particularly sharp point with her back, Kara broke the kiss, sultry laughter spilling from her lips. "This might work better if you let me walk."

For a moment he looked blank, before he grinned, lowering her to her feet. Kara reached up to trace the line of his lips. "I never could resist that smile."

"This way." Grabbing her hand, they tripped down the hallway to a small room. Danny dropping to the bed and pulling her towards him, until she stood between his legs. Her hands dropped again to his shirt, this time managing to get it open and he quickly shrugged it off, lips on her shoulder as he yanked on the zipper of her dress. She ran her hands over his chest and back, searching for cuts or bruises, any fallout from their close call that evening. After a moment or two of tugging at her zipper got them nowhere, Kara spun so that her back was to Danny, amused by his fumbling. "Perhaps this is a better angle?"

"Damn thing is stuck," Danny muttered, but he wasted no time getting her dress open, his lips running down her spine as she pulled down the sleeves and allowed the ruined gown to fall to the floor. A suntanned hand slid around to capture her breast, then tweak a nipple. " _Fuck._ If I knew that you weren't wearing a bra we would never have made it out of the kitchen."

She sank back against him, head falling onto his shoulder. _God she had missed this_. His hands knowing just where to go, his memory impeccable when it came to locating her sensitive spots. _The feeling of being safe, protected, as if nothing could possibly hurt her when they were together._ Kara shifted as he caught the side of her briefs and began dragging them down her legs, only then realizing that she was standing on his foot. She giggled. "My boots."

"Kind of sexy," Danny's voice was mumbled, nuzzling the curve of her neck, one hand remaining on her breast as the other played with her curls.

"Only you would think so." She turned again, laughing, but stopped as she took in his face. Looked - _really looked_ \- at the man before her for the first time in too long. She lifted a hand to his cheek, watching his throat bob as he swallowed, taking in the slight changes that she hadn't noticed before. More wrinkles, darker circles under his eyes, his hair longer than regulation. And yet the same man she first laid eyes on in Norfolk. _The same man she fell in love with._ Kara sighed, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his. Just as Danny wasn't that idealistic young man anymore, she was not that naïve young woman. "You better have a condom."

"I do. Never take that chance." His head tipped to the side, eyes never leaving hers, and he bit his lip, as though he wasn't sure how she would react to the question. "You still on the pill?"

"I am," she confirmed. "But..."

"I know."

Danny leaned forward slowly, his lips barely brushing against hers. The soft touch mesmerizing. One arm wrapping around her, shifting her until she was kneeing on the edge of the bed, sitting in his lap, their chests pressed against each other, naked flesh to naked flesh. His hands smoothed across her flesh, soothing and awakening at the same time. Her own hands wandered across his chest, his stomach, until she came to rest on his belt. They separated a millimeter, eyes meeting as she slowly undid his buckle, dipped the zipper. She tugged off her boots as he wiggled out of his pants and briefs, stopping only to gather a small round package from one pocket. And then they were pressed together again. He leaned back, taking her with him, their lips never parting.

Slowly, so slowly, she sunk down on him. So familiar, so achingly familiar. Everything that she remember, and yet so much more than it had ever been.

_"Perfect, just perfect."_

She wasn't sure who spoke, if it was him or her or even if the words were said out-loud. Their eyes met and held as she rose and fell, her heart pounding, the tension building and building. The silence broken only by gasps and groans. Her universe compressed to this man, to this moment. _The world around them forgotten._ It might have been five minutes or an hour, time losing all meaning, when Kara collapsing onto Danny with a final sob.

His arms wrapped around her, pinning her to him as though he were afraid that she would disappear. "I love you." The words were so quiet that she almost didn't hear. "Now, forever, no matter what happens. I love you, Kara."

She didn't want to respond. It was all too much, too soon. She needed time to think, to process, to make sure that she wasn't making another mistake - _one that could destroy both of them_. And yet the words spilled out before she could stop them.

"I love you too. God, I love you too."

xxxxx

_"Did you mean it?" Kara asked quietly. Although Doc Rios was busy putting away equipment, she didn't want to take the chance of being overheard._

_"Mean what?"_

_"What you said...after the mission at Gitmo. When you told me to leave you alone."_

_Danny smiled, but it was a pale imitation of his usual grin, an indication of how weak he still was despite his fever breaking almost forty-eight hours ago. "You mean about loving you? Yeah, I meant it."_

_Kara blinked. He sounded so casual. As though he had just confirmed that water was wet. "Really?"_

_"You sound surprised."_

_Probably because she was. Despite spending weeks rolling the words around and around in her head, she hadn't really believed them. "We just...you never said it before, that's all. I thought maybe heat of the moment..."_

_Danny's forehead crinkled, the way it did when he was grumpy. "Well, it's not the way I planned to tell you, that's for sure."_

_Kara took a deep breath. "I love you too."_

_"Yeah, I figured."_

_Kara narrowed her eyes. "Excuse me?"_

_"You purposely put yourself in the crew lounge without protective gear during the lockdown," Danny pointed out. "Pretty sure that counts as good as the words."_

_Despite herself, Kara began to laugh. "I suppose that it does."_

xxxxx

"I don't think my dress is salvageable," Kara said a few minutes - or an hour - later, after they had caught their breath. As much as she didn't want to move, to end the moment, she wanted to get caught by Tex in her skivvies even less.

His voice was still husky. "The girls keep some extra stuff here. Let me see what we have."

After a few minutes of rummaging, Danny had managed to locate a cami, a long sleeve shirt, and some cargo pants that looked like they might fit. Avoiding Danny's eyes, suddenly feeling awkward with all that had happened tonight, _all that had been said and done_ , not just here but also at the hotel, Kara made her way to the small bathroom.

Inside, she stared at herself. Her hair was a wreck, lying in straggly tangles around her face. She was covered in sweat and, Kara realized with a wince, that the whiff of something bad she smelled was most likely herself. With no shower available, Kara did the best she could with a wet cloth. Trying to ignore the memories that flooded her as she ran the cold water over her breasts, her stomach, her legs.

_Already craving more of his lips, his hands, his cock._

_That instant of climax, when all she cared about was him._

_When, for a moment, the world disappeared._

_And all that mattered was the two of them._

Sliding into her underwear, Kara rued the fact that they were damp but there was little she could do about it. She wasn't wearing random panties, even if Danny claimed that they should be clean, and going commando in borrowed pants was unequally appealing. The lack of a bra was more problematic but there was nothing to be done about that. The cami would have to suffice. Fortunately, Danny had located a hairbrush and Kara quickly brushed out the knots, before twisting her hair back with a random hair-tie.

She could feel Danny's gaze on her when she joined him in the kitchen, dropping the ruined gown in the trash can. Taking a deep breath, she met his eyes. Carefully keeping her space. Knowing that, if she touched him, they would end up right back where they started. And, given the light that was already filtering into the small house, they had pushed their luck too much already.

Again his eyes flickered with a question that she didn't understand. He took a sip of what looked like bottled water and Kara made a mental note to avoid the taps. "You want a drink?"

"Got any ice tea?" Kara asked, realized how parched she was.

That grin flashed and he rattled around in a cabinet before tossing her a bottle. "Always."

She took a drink, fiddling with her bottle, before looking up. "Thank you."

"Pretty sure that is supposed to be my line," Danny joked.

"Not for that." Kara paused. "Well, for _that_ too. But also for telling me...about Laura and ... everything."

He nodded and she searched for the right words. But before she could speak, there was an elaborate knock on the door.

Danny picked up his gun. "That should be Tex but wait in the hall, just in case."

Nodding, Kara went to step past him, only to stop when he leaned down to catch her chin, drawing her in for a brief kiss. His eyes piercing hers. "We'll talk later. Okay?"

Her breath caught and she nodded, unable to say a word as she moved into the hallway.

_Wondering what in the world she was going to do._


	7. What Goes Around, Comes Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - this chapter turned into a bit of a behemoth and I ended up separating it into two parts so you are getting a shorter chapter this week. Thank you to those who have left kudos and reviews. The support is incredibly appreciated. I proofed this while supervising the creation of a cardboard boat city, complete with an oil rig (shades of season 2 anyone?), so apologies for any errors. Alas, the SS Cardboardia quickly sunk and Baby Boats 1 and 3 were the victims of malicious activity. The SS Nice and Baby Boats 2, 4, 5, and 6 continue to ride the waves. xoxo - tmtcltb

Ch. 7 - What Goes Around, Comes Around

x

x

"First, we get Kara back to the ship," Danny began, "and then..."

Kara cut him off. "Vargas is smart. And he must have connections. That's the only explanation for how he has managed to stay hidden so long. We have to assume that he knows, or at least suspects, why we are really here. He attacked that hotel to distract us and give himself time to escape. He's assuming that our first step will be to return to the ship and regroup. Hell, he probably has someone watching the port right now."

"Foster's right," Sasha interjected. "If we want to get Vargas, we need to go now. Catch him by surprise."

"Kara's not part of the team," Danny argued, pacing back and forth across the small kitchen. "She's not trained for this."

That stung, but Kara reminded herself that she _wasn't_ trained for this type of mission. On the Nathan James, she fully expected Danny to follow her orders, but here in the field, she had to cede that control. Trust that Danny and Sasha - the whole team - knew what they were doing. She took a deep breath. "So I'll stay here."

"Hell no," Danny snapped, eyes narrowing.

"Why not?" Kara demanded.

"I'm with Green," Sasha sided with Danny this time. "You're a high-profile target, Foster. And this place was designed as a short-term emergency safe-house. We don't have a cover story set up to explain your presence. You could easily attract the wrong kind of attention."

"Vargas might see capturing one of the Vaccine Six as a sure-fire way to get what he wants," Wolf added.

Azima snorted. "The man doesn't have the balls."

A smile ghosted across Sasha's face. "Until we know for sure that the attack on the hotel was a distraction, rather than a kidnapping attempt, we can't leave Foster unguarded. Besides, there is always the off chance that Vargas wasn't behind the assault, in which case we have no idea what the motives are here and we could be playing directly into the attackers' hands."

"I could stay with Foster," Tex offered, flipping a coin as though he had no interest in the outcome either way. Kara wondered when the man had perfected the disinterested act, wishing that she could learn his secret. She felt anything but detached at the moment.

"No." Kara shook her head in frustration. "That leaves the team a man down and you have no idea what you're walking into. Let me go with you. I'll stay out of the way. This might be our only chance to get Vargas before he goes to ground again."

And the longer that Vargas was free, the longer that Danny would be chasing him, putting his life at risk over and over again in an effort to neutralize the threat. The longer that Andrea would have to wonder whether Liam would be growing up without a father. The longer that Wolf and Azima would continue to dance around the idea of a future together. And, no matter what Admiral Chandler said about supporting Sasha's work, the longer that Tom would have to worry about losing another wife.

_Kara would not be the reason why this man slipped through their hands._

Sasha opened her mouth but Danny didn't give her a chance to speak. "No. Getting you to the James is our first priority."

"We can't risk the mission," Kara began again. "That's more important..."

_"Not to me!"_

Instant silence as everyone turned towards Danny. Fists clenched, he was staring at the ceiling. One breath, two, and then his head lowered, eyes closing for the briefest of a second.

"We'll give you a moment, mate," Wolf began, drawing Azima towards the other room, but Danny shook his head.

"No, don't go." Danny crossed his arms, as though bracing him. "Back at Gitmo, I thought that I could separate my personal feelings from the mission. I couldn't. I fucked up and almost got everybody on the Nathan James killed. I'm not going to make that mistake again."

xxxxx

_"Did you think that I couldn't make the shot?"_

_Kara hadn't planned on saying anything, hadn't planned on acknowledging Danny at all upon finding herself alone with him in the wardroom, but the question slipped out. And she regretted speaking instantly. Danny didn't look up, his attention apparently entirely focused on the salmon loaf that he was pulverizing, acting as though she wasn't there. The same way he had been for two weeks. As though ignoring her would somehow make her - make the situation - disappear. The logic of a two-year-old, not a damn thirty-year-old man._

_Frustration getting the better of her, Kara repeated the question. "Hello? Danny? Did you do it because you thought I couldn't make the shot?"_

_"No." He sighed, looking up, and she immediately wished that he hadn't. Hated how her breath caught and her knees went weak. Maybe there was something to Danny's "pretend-she-doesn't-exist" act after all. "You said you made expert marksman. I never doubted that."_

_Until that moment, Kara hadn't realized how much it mattered. How much she needed to know that, despite what had happened between them personally, Danny had faith in her. Trusted her to do her job. Believed that she was good at it, even. That he saw her as more than a pretty face who had slept her way up the ranks._

_Her throat tight, she whispered the words. "Then why?"_

_Again the silence stretched and she didn't think he would answer. "I couldn't save Benz or Berchem or Smith. I couldn't stand the idea of losing you too."_

_"I understand," she whispered. Danny snorted, returning to pushing the mangled salmon around his plate, and Kara felt her stomach recoil. Still, she pressed on. "I do. That's how I feel every time you leave the ship."_

xxxxx

Kara gasped, her gaze flickering to the other four people in the room. None of them seemed surprised by Danny's revelation, as though this were old information that had been shared and discussed and considered. Kara, on the other hand, felt dazed, as though her entire world had flipped on its side and she couldn't figure out how to right it.

Sasha folded her arms across her chest. "Y'all know the drill. We all agree or we don't go."

Kara tried to focus on the task at hand, grasping at straws. _If Option A and B both suck, pick Option C._ Slattery might not be as inspirational as Chandler, but he did have a way of getting to the point. "What about Marco?"

Danny looked blank. "Marco?"

"Your contact here?" Kara pressed. "The one who gave you the information on Vargas. I could stay with him."

"That could work," Sasha considered. "Even with the iffy cover probably safer to stay here. Easier to get Marco in than to get Foster out now that her face has probably been splattered over the morning news."

"How do we know that we can trust him?" Danny demanded, earning an eye roll from Sasha.

"You're still alive aren't you?" Sasha replied.

Tentatively, Kara reached out, placing her hand on Danny's arm, almost shocked when he didn't shake her off. "Don't throw the mission because of me. Vargas is a killer. If we don't stop him... I don't want to be the reason that he got away."

Another silence fell, Danny's jaw working, as though he were having an internal battle.

"How about Pablo?" Tex asked, breaking the tension.

Wolf frowned. "Man only shows up half the time."

"He'll show up if Green asks," Tex replied, continuing to flip the coin.

"Who is Pablo?" Kara asked, glancing around the room.

"We served together years ago," Danny said, his eyes flickering in a way that indicated sure as shit that he was lying. Well, perhaps not lying but definitely evading the question. Kara narrowed her own eyes, wanting to demand an explanation, but knowing that this was neither the time nor place. They were now on Danny's turf, playing by his rules, not hers. And, based on the strange tension in the room, she wasn't the only one who was being left in the dark about Pablo. Azima's expression was distinctly annoyed. After a moment, Danny nodded. "Anyone have a burner?"

"Here you go." Sasha tossed him a phone from her pack. "So Foster stays here with Pablo. Once we get Vargas, we give the signal and the helo picks them up. Everyone in?"

Nods all around as someone picked up on the other end of Danny's call. "It's Green. I need a favor."


	8. What Goes Around, Comes Around - Part II

When volunteering to stay here with Pablo, Kara hadn't realized that she would be stuck here for _four_ _days_. Four days of sharing a eight-hundred square foot house with a stranger who did nothing but play solitaire. Four days with absolutely nothing to do except watch the three available channels of television, only one of which was in English. Unless, that was, she wanted to teach herself Portuguese from the copy of Moby Dick that was sitting on the kitchen counter, surprisingly free of dust. Four days without a shower. Four days without _a damn bra_.

And worst, four days without any contact from Danny or Carlton.

The latter was less concerning. Carlton knew what to do under these circumstances - get the Nathan James to a safe distance and wait for the signal that the team was ready for extraction. Plus, Cooper no doubt relayed the appropriate emergency codes to indicate that they were safe and executing as planned. Kara trusted her XO completely. Still, being away from her ship for so long made her edgy.

But far worse than being cut off from the Nathan James was the lack of contact from Danny. Kara couldn't stop the gnawing in her stomach, telling her that something must have gone wrong, insisting that Danny was in danger. Reminding her that the plan was to be in and out and that every passing hour was an indication that it had all gone to shit while Kara was stuck here, with Pablo, wearing a hole in the floorboards, unable to do anything to help.

"It's been too long." Kara stopped in front of the table.

Pablo didn't even look up, tipping his chair back in a manner that was eerily similar to Tex. Actually, over the past four days Kara had become more and more convinced that, at some point in time, Tex and Pablo had both worked for the same unnamed intelligence agency. Chances were that Pablo still did - which made her trust him about as much as she trusted Jacob-fucking-Barnes. Hell, the only reason she hasn't yet done a runner was because Danny apparently trusted this man. "I would have heard if there was a problem."

"Unless they can't contact you," Kara countered, not wanting to think about _why_ they wouldn't be able to contact Pablo. About the possibility that they were captured, or even dead.

"Then I would have heard from my people," Pablo replied, flipping over a card.

Kara resumed her pacing. "You should go out. Get some intel."

"No can do, Captain," Pablo did look up then. "Green said to keep my ass here with you so I'm keeping my ass here with you."

Kara resumed her pacing, wondering if it was possible to break a tooth from grinding your jaw too much. And then her attention was caught by a picture on the television. One of her and Danny from the recent publicity snaps. Then the picture changed to a much older shot. One of Danny and...Kara's heart sunk. _Where in the world did they dig up a picture of Frankie Benz?_ Snatching up the remote, Kara quickly turned on the volume so that she could hear the news anchor.

_We have received word that Daniel Green, a commander in the United States Navy who was captured_ _during the recent attack on the city, has_ _been killed by the rebels. Commander Green was a member of the crew of the Nathan James during its historic trip to the Arctic, which allowed Doctor Rachel Scott to develop the cure to the Red Flu. More recently, Commander Green was credited with saving more than twenty civilians during a mudslide while on vacation in Columbia. He was in Rio de Janeiro to participate in the signing of the recent trade treaty between Brazil and the United States. There remains no word on the status of Commander Kara Foster, captain of the Nathan James, who is also missing and presumed captured..._

Kara's vision blurred until all she saw was black. Danny was...dead? Was it only days ago that they were dancing and talking? _Having sex in a room only twenty feet from where she was standing?_ Kara's stomach buckled and, for a brief moment, she thought that she was going to vomit. The only thing that stopped her was Pablo's completely neutral face. No shock or horror or even sad resignation. As thought this wasn't a surprise at all. Kara narrowed her eyes on the man. What did she actually know about Pablo? Sure, Danny knew him. But people changed, switched sides, did horrible things. _If the last five years had taught her nothing, it had taught her that_.

Pablo might have skated for the last few days because Kara _did_ trust Danny, but she wasn't an idiot. Nobody had perfect judgment. Look at what happened with the Fletcher situation. He managed to take in the entire team, working with them day and night for months, only to betray them at the critical moment. _A sleeper_ , they later determined, put in place by the British years before the Red Flu. _Nobody could have known_.

Kara stepped directly in front of Pablo, leaning down, her hands flat on the table as she waited for him to meet her gaze. "I don't care if you are CIA or Naval Intelligence or some outfit that is so black ops that you would have to kill me as soon as you tell me. But I need to know what's going on out there. And you can either go find out yourself, or you can call someone. But if you don't do something in the next five minutes, I am walking out that door with or without your permission. And, in case Danny didn't bother mentioning this, I am fully capable of making sure that you neither walk nor father children again if you even try to stop me."

Pablo grinned. "Green said you were a spitfire. Should have known that he would never go for _docile_."

And then he went back to his cards.

Patience at an end, Kara spun, opening the cabinet where she had seen Sasha stash a radio, knowing that she had mere seconds before Pablo moved. Sure enough, she barely had the cabinet open before he reached for her arm. But Kara was no novice, swinging the copy of Moby Dick that she had grabbed down on his fingers before spinning and raising her knee towards his dick. At his instinctual movement to protect the family jewels, she brought her heel down on his foot, before hooking him behind the knee and taking him down hard. A moment later she held the precious radio in her hand, thumb on the transmit button. "Now, are you going to tell me what is going on or do I need to find out from my XO?"

"Damn. Why are the good ones always taken?" Despite being flat on his back, Pablo started laughing. "Who taught you that move?"

Danny, of course, not that she planned to admit it. Kara lifted the radio, her intent clear.

Pablo studied her, seeming to be weighing something, and then spoke again. "Have you ever seen someone hit the point where they have nothing to live for?"

xxxxx

_Kara couldn't escape the screaming. The sound going on and on until an arm came around her waist, pulling her out of the surf and, abruptly, Kara realized that it was coming from her. Her head jerking up, Kara stared at Tex, unable to manage a coherent sentence._

_"He's dead." She finally managed. "They all are."_

_All of them. Danny. Alisha. Carlton. Rick. Andrea. Mike and Tom and Rios. Every single person aboard the Nathan James had just gone up in flames, the ship blasted to bits. But the one that cut the most._

_Danny._

_No chance to figure things out. To apologize. To try to make things right. To see what might have been. Any chance of a future together lost the moment that those missiles hit the Nathan James._

_"The James is gone."_

_The anguish was unbearable and she found herself wondering if this was how Danny felt, back after he lost Benz and Berchem and Smith. If this was why he did what he did. Pushing her away, blocking her out, doing everything and anything to avoid feeling this way ever again._

_The pain was unimaginable._

_"What do you want to do?" Tex's voice broke though and Kara forced herself to focus on the Nevadan. Wondering how he was still on his feet. Although Tex and Andrea had never acknowledged anything, Kara knew that they were more than friends. She had seen the hidden smiles and casual touches that revealed far more than either of them ever admitted. And she knew without having to ask that Tex was feeling the same anguish that she was right now. She could see it in the flash of anger in his eyes, in the way he clenched his fists._

_Kara reached inside and channeled that rage. She might not survive this night, but she would get her revenge. She would do what she had to do to honor those that she had lost in the only way that she knew. "I want to kill every person responsible for what just happened. Don't you?"_

_Tex smiled grimly. "Hell yeah."_

xxxxx

Kara drew in a quick breath, forcing herself to focus on the present. She could not afford to be distracted. "Yeah, I know what that's like."

"I was with Green in Columbia," Pablo continued. "Tavo was celebrating his victory over the United States. Celebrating." He practically spit the word. "The news was running constantly, all about how Tavo's people crippled the Navy and sank the Nathan James. How he managed to do what nobody else could. Your picture was in high rotation. A decorated hero, one of the Vaccine Six, the courageous Captain of the Nathan James who went down with her ship after prioritizing the lifeboats for the civilian visitors. The look on Green's face whenever that picture appeared..."

Kara swallowed thickly. She had known, of course, that the subterfuge had costs. But there had been no choice - not really. The warning had come so late, bare minutes before the attack, and they only got that much because Val had set up a back-up proximity alert that she didn't bother to pre-clear with Command. There was barely enough time to move the crowds and scramble the ships, leaving a few decoys in their place. Disaster averted by the thinnest of margins.

They had known, immediately, that the only way for someone to have gotten so close was if they had help from the inside. Until the mole was discovered, the Nathan James, the Michener, the O'Connor, and the Cruz had to remain hidden, and the world had to be convinced that Tavo's plan was a success. The scheme worked, buying Val and Alisha time to do their magic and for Meylan to find the rat - a twenty-five year old cafeteria worker who broke into the most sophisticated computer program in the world through a damn smart oven. But from the moment that Kara gave the order to go to EMCON, she had understood the price of their deception.

xxxxx

_Kara sat with her cell phone in her hand, staring at the message she had typed._

_Pizza or Chinese?_

_A totally innocuous text. One that would mean nothing to anyone except the planned recipient. A way to let Danny know that she was alive. That it was a decoy, just like San Diego._

_But she couldn't send the message._

_She knew that even as she typed the words._ _Because h_ _ow could she ask her crew to stay at EMCON when their Captain was flouting the rules? For the first time, Kara truly felt the weight of what Admiral Chandler faced when he made the decision to turn away from the United States to give Doctor Scott time to develop the cure._

_Because every bit of her was telling her to push send._

_And, at the same time, every bit of her was telling that she couldn't._

_Kara set down the phone._

xxxxx

"I kept Green alive then," Pablo finished. "And I'm keeping him alive now by keeping your ass safe. And if you care about him even half as much as he cares about you, you'll do what he asked and stay here. So, can I get up now?"

Kara kept her voice cool and calm, refusing to allow him to guilt her into backing down. "I gave you a choice. You can tell me what is going on or I will find someone else who will."

Apparently resigned to remaining on the floor, Pablo folded his hands behind his head. "Vargas went to ground. We needed a way to flush him out so some of my guys planted the story about Green being killed. It hit the local news first thing this morning."

Kara stared at him, angrier than she had ever been in her life. The asshole _knew_ that story was going to hit the news and didn't so much as warn her. "And why should I believe anything that you say?"

Pablo raised an eyebrow at her. "Where do you think that we got the picture of Benz?"

Kara barely managed to stop herself from kicking him just for being so damn annoying. "You're going to have to do better than that."

"Fine." Pablo slowly reached into his pocket, pulling out a sat phone that Kara hadn't known existed until now. Her Spanish was far too rusty to follow the rapid-fire conversation even if it wasn't a code, as the liberal use of "tamale" suggested, before he switched to English and put the phone on speaker. "Your girl is a nag."

And then another voice, one she had feared never hearing again, came on the line. "What did you do to piss her off?"

Kara let the radio drop to her side, sagging back against the counter, her relief so palpable that she almost fell to her knees.

_xxxxx_

_Kara knew it was a mistake, sneaking off to find Danny when she was supposed to be sleeping, catching what little rest she could before the dawn broke, and they went after Castillo. She found him awake, by one of the boxcars, fiddling with his gear._

_"I thought you were dead."_

_The whispered words echoed between them. Carefully setting down the powder he was pouring into canisters, Danny reached towards her, catching a stray hair and sliding it behind her ear. "We couldn't risk contacting you. The only way for the plan to work is to keep the James completely dark until we know where the threat is coming from."_

_"I know." And Kara did. In his shoes, she would have done exactly the same thing. She would have done whatever was necessary to keep the James and her crew safe. But that didn't change the fact that Kara's heart was still pounding in her chest. Didn't remove the need to see Danny, to touch him, to make sure that this wasn't a dream. She moved closer, her hand sliding across his shoulder, and she felt a tear slip down her face. "When I saw those missiles hit the decoy..."  
_

_Kara wasn't sure who moved first, or if both of them caved at the same time, but then she was wrapped in his arms, squeezed so hard that she could hardly breath. She cupped Danny's face in her hands. "Don't ever do that to me again."_

_Then he was kissing her, his answer almost lost as they surrendered to the frantic need to reassure themselves that they were still alive. "I won't. Promise."_

_xxxxx_

Kara took a deep breath. _Danny was alive._ She could figure everything else out later. "Your friend is an asshole."

Danny chuckled. "True. I run with a bad crowd."

"Any chance of dinner?" She asked. Not a code obviously, but the best that she could do on the fly.

A moment of hesitation. "I should be free tonight. I'll send a car. Gotta go now, though."

The moment that Danny cut out, Kara let loose on Pablo. "You knew that broadcast was going to pop up and you didn't warn me? Calling you an asshole is an insult to assholes everywhere."

"I knew the English news would report last. Figured there was a decent chance that Green would be back before the news even broke," Pablo replied casually. But Kara could tell from his tone that the omission was deliberate. A punishment, as it were, payback for whatever happened with Danny during those days in Columbia. Kara almost snorted at the irony. Pablo raised an eyebrow. "Can I get up now?"

Kara moved out of his way, still tempted to kick him. "Are you going to tell me the rest of it?"

Pablo gathered his cards and returned to his game, muting the television. "The team tracked Vargas to a slum. There were too many civilians to go after him there so they had to wait until he moved. Apparently the news report gave him the push he needed and they picked him up thirty minutes ago. By tonight he'll be across the border, being loaded into transport to the States."

"How are you going to explain Danny's return from the dead?"

"Easy," Pablo grinned. "Tomorrow the United States Navy will officially report that Green is in critical but stable condition on the Nathan James after being wounded trying to save your ass from a kidnapping attempt by none other than Christian Vargas. The report will further state that Vargas himself was captured during a joint rescue operation by the United States and Brazilian government and is being held in an undisclosed location."

Kara stared at the man, realizing that he hadn't learned all of this from a two-minute conversation. "You deliberately kept me in the dark for _days_."

Pablo glanced up over his cards, eyes suddenly hard. "I'm not here for you, _Captain Foster_. A friend asked me for a favor and I came through. That doesn't mean I have to like it or you. Capish?"

They stared at each other for a long moment before Kara nodded. She might still want to kick him, but the man had come through for Danny. She would give him that much. "Capish."

_xxxxx_

_Kara looked up at the knock on her cabin door, certain of who it was even before she caught a glimpse. Danny had showered, she could see. Clean, shaved, in a clean uniform, he looked almost like the young lieutenant of old._

_"Thought that you might want an update on Tex Nolan, Captain," Danny said formally, but his gaze never left her face._

_"Come on in, Commander." Excusing the ensign she had been speaking with, Kara busied herself making coffee in the small espresso machine that Mike left behind when he was promoted. She glanced at Danny. "Want some?"_

_"Sure."_

_Danny waited until they were both sitting, coffees in hand. "Clean break and the bone went back into place easily. Rios said that Tex has the devil's own luck. Most people would have needed surgery. About three months in the cast and then three months of recovery. Not a bad shore leave."_

_"Andrea will be glad to have him home for a while," Kara noted, taking a sip._

_Danny seemed to be considering his response. "Tex won't admit it, but I think he's tired of being in the field so much."_

_"You look better without the beard." The instant the words left her mouth, Kara wanted to pull them back. To keep them on a professional footing._

_"Thanks." Danny took a sip of his coffee. "I knew you weren't dead."_

_Kara gave him a quizzical look. "Okay."_

_"Back when Tavo hit Mayfield," he explained. "I knew that it was a fake-out. Just like San Diego."_

_"Just like San Diego," she confirmed. And despite knowing better, Kara smiled. "Would it help if I promise not to do it again?"_

_A pause, and then he smiled back, his lips slowly spreading until he was grinning, and Kara had to force herself not to jump over the desk and throw herself into his arms. "It would."_


	9. The End of the Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - when I originally plotted this story, this was the final chapter. The story was supposed to be short and sweet, only eight chapters long. However, getting back into writing about these two has really inspired me so I will be continuing the story onwards. There may be a bit of a delay in updating as I work through a few tangles. In the meantime, THANK YOU SO MUCH for the support you have shown. I'm so glad that you were able to take this journey with me. And if you want to see a little more of this AU world, go check out Outtakes. We get to see Alisha and Val and Tex, and there is a bit on Pablo coming up. xoxo - tmtcltb
> 
> A/N2 - For those of you who aren't aware, we're planning a Holiday Fest! You can find the forum to leave prompts or claim prompts or just chat on FF or drop me a note here.

"There you are." Carlton said, edging down the narrow path that Kara had created between the crates. She looked up, surprised and a little concerned by his appearance. It had been ages since she was down here, one of her meeting spots with Danny of old, and hardly the first place on the ship that Carlton would have checked.

"XO?"

He must have sensed her unease. "Ship's fine, Captain." Carlton squeezed around another crate, struggling to maneuver his larger frame in the small space. Strange how Kara never remembered Danny having trouble getting in or out, even in the Arctic before supplies began to dwindle. Carlton grunted as he bumped into an exposed corner. "Are you going to tell me why you're here in dry storage when you have a cabin of your own? Complete with windows and coffee and comfortable seating?"

"I needed a few minutes alone," Kara replied honestly.

In the four days since her return to the Nathan James, Kara had been inundated. First she was looped into the political fallout from the hotel shooting because, apparently, she managed to make a positive impression on President Lemos during the negotiations. Then there were the plans for the Falklands Islands' transition ceremony to rearrange, the British government concerned that the instability in Brazil might overflow to other areas of the continent. The United States could hardly dismiss the possibility of more attacks without admitting that Vargas was the real target of the operation here, something that nobody planned on doing. So, instead, Kara was required to spend hours coordinating with her counterparts in the British and Argentinian militaries regarding the rejiggered schedule. And then, of course, there was the whole matter of her day job. Despite Kara's confidence in her crew, keeping the Nathan James operating did require some of her attention, plus Mayfair was demanding frequent reports on her "kidnapping" and Danny's "improved condition". So far Kara had managed to decline all interview requests on the grounds that she was still recovering from her ordeal, but she knew that would not last forever.

All-in-all, Kara felt lucky that she had found time to pee, never mind think about whatever-the-hell-was-going-on between her and Danny. She glanced at Carlton "How did you find me?"

Carlton gave a snort. "I could say it's because I know this ship inside and out. But it's mostly because you and Green were never as sneaky as you thought."

xxxxx

_"Kara?"_

_"Carlton!"_ _She spun, hoping against hope that Danny would hear them and stay out of sight. She had no reason to be in storage at all, but she definitely had no reason to be here with Danny. And, idiot that she was, she hadn't thought of an excuse in case anyone caught her exiting the cabin. Kara hoped that her voice didn't give her away. "Were you looking for me?"_

_"Nah." Carlton grinned, giving her a lazy smile that she normally would have answered with a grin of her own. But today she was too worried about the state of her hair. Danny had a tendency to pull out the pins when she wasn't paying attention. "I'm meeting Gator and Nishioka for poker. Are you helping Rios tonight? I heard he was running low on vaseline and chap stick already and we have six weeks to go before we can leave this wasteland."_

_Remembering_ _, at the very last minute, that some of the surplus medical supplies had been moved here in order to make room for the extra winter gear they were carrying, Kara forced a smile. "The dry air makes it worse. Still, overall we haven't had many injuries. Tim is thankful for that. Anyway, I better get going."_

_She made it fifteen feet down the p-way before Carlton called. "Oh, Kara? Have you seen Green? Benz is looking for him."_

_"If I see him, I'll let him know," she replied without turning around._

_Finally away from Carlton, Kara ducked into the nearest bathroom, quickly checking her hair and uniform to make sure that nothing was too out of place. Splashing water on her face, she took several calming breaths before heading towards the infirmary. Wanting to cover herself just in case Carlton said something to the wrong person. Because if there was one thing that Kara knew, it was that nothing stayed a secret for very long on a destroyer._

_Which is why s_ _he and Danny needed to be more careful. In fact, maybe they needed to cool things down until they were back in Norfolk. After all, the very last thing she wanted to happen on this cruise was to be called before Captain Chandler for violating the frat rules._

xxxxx

Not sure if she was more shocked or mortified to discover that Carlton knew far more about what was going on back in the Arctic than he had previously admitted, Kara reverted to no-nonsense mode. "So what did you want to discuss, XO?"

"I've heard a few rumors that I thought you would want to know about, Captain," Carlton replied.

"What kind of rumor?" Kara asked cautiously. A decent number of the crew were holdovers from the Arctic, and were therefore well aware of her past with Danny. Still, Kara had a hard time imagining Gator or Rios or even O'Connor gossiping about that fact. There seemed to be a general consensus by everyone that _what happened on the Nathan James, stayed on the Nathan James._

Carlton crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back against a crate, before making a face and finding a different spot. "I read Cooper's report. Saw that there was a bit of a skirmish between you and Green at the safe house."

Kara considered that information. Based on how tight-knit Danny's team was, whatever Sasha said in that report was no doubt highly edited and unlikely to be harmful. "Yes, we disagreed on the best way to obtain the primary objective. Obviously we came to a resolution."

Carlton nodded. "I also heard from Wolf that you and Green were together in your hotel room when the shots were fired."

Irritated at Wolf for saying anything, but understanding that the team considered Carlton one of their own and therefore would have spoken freely around him, Kara shrugged. "Danny searched the room for bugs and then we had a few things to discuss."

Not a lie. Just a little misdirection. Carlton raised an eyebrow. "And the torn up gown that Azima found in the trash at the safe house?"

This was beginning to feel like interrogation. Kara gave Carlton her best Chandler glare which, predictably, did nothing. That was the problem with having an XO who had known her since they were both plebes, Carlton didn't find her the least bit intimidating. "Have you ever tried running down a street in a ball gown?"

"Have to give that a no." Carlton chuckled. "Without that lipstick on Green's neck, pretty sure nobody would have suspected a thing."

Kara's breath caught. _Fuck_. She tried to picture Danny in the kitchen of that hovel, just before Tex arrived, but his neck was blurry in her memory. All she could see was his face as he leaned down to give her a final kiss. _We'll talk later. Okay?_ Kara crossed her arms over her chest, chin jutting out. "It's not a violation of regulations. We aren't assigned to the same chain of command."

Dead silence followed, then Carlton gave a low whistle. "Damn. I told Tex he was high when he claimed that something happened between the two of you at the safehouse. There goes twenty bucks."

"So wait, no lipstick?" Kara demanded, relief warring with embarrassment.

"Beats me. You know Tex. Can't believe half of the shit coming out of his mouth." Carlton was shaking his head.

"Is that why you're here, Burk?" Kara replied, toe tapping. "To give me crap about my sex life?"

Carlton's eyebrows rose almost to his hairline at her use of his last name. "You have a sex life?" Kara gave him another Chandler-esque glare and Carlton chuckled. "Nah. I figured Tex was pulling my leg and that you would roll your eyes and call me gullible for believing him. This whole thing with you and Green..." Carlton trailed off. "I really thought that the two of you were done."

"Is that why you didn't tell me that Danny and Laura broke up?" Kara asked, regretting the words as soon as they left her mouth, realizing how unfair she was being.

"No. I didn't tell you about the breakup because Danny's my friend and he asked me not to say anything. _To anyone_ ," Carlton replied evenly, emphasizing the last two words.

"Sorry. I'm not trying to put you in the middle of this," Kara murmured. Then she paused, remembering something that Danny said. "All the training exercises though?"

"Figured it out, did we?" Carlton grinned. "Nobody said that I couldn't have _any_ fun on this cruise. And it was so easy with you avoiding Green at every turn."

Kara chuckled before dropping her head back against the container with a groan. "God, I'm such an idiot."

"So, um, you're regretting, um, what happened?"

Surprised that Carlton had not taken advantage of such an obvious opening to tease her, Kara glanced over. The distinctly uncomfortable look on his face made her smile. There were times when Carlton could be such a prude. "Hell if I know. Two months ago Danny was getting ready to marry somebody else. Last week we were colleagues negotiating a trade deal. Now we're..."

Kara trailed off. That was the thing about Danny. Everything was always so intense, so all-consuming. No time to think or talk or label what was between them.

_A raging inferno, consuming everything in its path, and_ _leaving only devastation in its wake_.

The thought sobered her, and Kara sighed. "I don't know what we are, Carlton. Or what I want us to be. Assuming there is even an _us_ to begin with. There hasn't exactly been time to talk."

"It's been five years," Carlton observed.

"I know." Kara nibbled on her lip. "You would think that we could have gotten it together by now, wouldn't you? But we're literally never in the same place. Or when we are there's always a crisis and..." She stopped, blinking, realization crystalizing in that dark storage room surrounded by crates. "And it's easier not to talk. Then we never have to deal with the past."

"Look, we both know that my track record in this department is pretty abysmal," Carlton acknowledged after a long silence. "But if you want my advice, I'd start with telling Danny what you just told me."

With that, Carlton turned to leave. Confused by the abrupt departure, Kara glanced up, and her stomach sank as she watched Carlton squeeze himself backwards so that someone else could pass him on the narrow path.

_Fuck_. How much had Danny heard?

Danny moved towards her, taking the spot that Carlton had just vacated. They both waited, silently, until Carlton was gone, firmly closing the door behind him.

"Brings back memories, doesn't it?" Danny said finally, glancing around at the space that was once crammed with gear for the Arctic, and now was filled with laundry soap and mosquito tents.

xxxxx

_"We have to stop."_ _Kara pulled back reluctantly, wanting nothing more than to stay in Danny's arms. But she could hear the shuffle of footsteps in the p-way just feet away. "I think Carlton's already suspicious."_

_"Benz will cover for us," Danny replied, mouth finding the sensitive spot at the base of her neck._

_Stifling_ _a moan, she managed to hold firm. "Danny, enough."_

_Although he groaned, Danny didn't protest again. Instead, after they both straightened their uniforms, he leaned down to do exactly what he was supposed to be doing - gather Halsey's belongings. At least this time they thought of an excuse to be here beforehand, even if Kara's participation was somewhat questionable. "I can't wait to be off this ship. My own bathroom. A decent bed. Beer. A single, solitary moment of privacy."_

_Kara grinned as she took the extra booties and treats, leaving the heavy bag of food to Danny. "We haven't made a sailor out of you yet, Lieutenant?"_

_"When we dock, I'm taking a shower, grabbing a beer, and then finding you. In that order." At the door, Danny paused, lips brushing hers. "Actually, scratch that. You can join me for the shower and the beer. You're first on the list."_

xxxxx

"Yes, it does." Kara bit her lip. "I'm not that girl anymore, Danny."

"I know." He scuffed his foot. "That guy you met five years ago, he was on top of the world. I had the job I wanted, the girl I wanted. The _life_ that I wanted. I had it all planned out. What things would look like once we were back at Norfolk. What _we_ would look like. I never imagined something like the virus. It felt straight out of a video game. A bad one." Danny shot Kara a rueful look. "And I didn't handle it well."

She reached out, brushing his arm. " _None_ of us handled it well, Danny. The whole world basically imploded. I look back now and wonder how any of us got through it without completely breaking down."

"You're right about it being easier not to talk. But you tried, back after Frankie died, there at Gitmo. And again in Nicaragua." He sighed. "I just couldn't. Not then."

Kara bit her lip, hugging her arms across her chest. "You weren't the only one, Danny. After the miscarriage, I shut you out. I told myself that I was protecting you but, really, I was protecting myself. And it wasn't fair."

"No," Danny was shaking his head. "None of this is on you, Kara. What you went through was awful and I should have been there for you. But I was too wrapped up in my own shit."

She found herself laughing. "Do you hear us? Both of us insisting that everything was our fault? This is ridiculous."

"Azima would smack us upside the head for being dolts," Danny replied, chuckling.

Kara considered him. "So where does that leave us?"

"I was hoping that this mission could be a new start, and then it turned into a fiasco," Danny said, then sighed. "I'm sorry about what happened at the safe house. Pablo was supposed to keep you updated."

"I managed to figure that one out by myself." Kara thought about what Pablo had revealed, intentionally or otherwise, about Danny. Although she strongly suspected that everything Pablo did was deliberate, even if his motives were murky. "Pablo said that he was with you in Columbia when Tavo attacked the United States."

"He was," Danny confirmed. "Pablo was working with the Columbia government to try to stop the coup. He helped get the team out."

Kara nodded. Obviously there was more to the story than Danny was sharing. She had seen the way that Wolf and Azima reacted to Pablo's name, and it was not the response she would have expected if all Pablo had done was save their asses. Still, having experienced Pablo herself, Kara could imagine a dozen ways that Pablo could have alienated them. "I'm not upset with you, Danny. Although I might just shoot Pablo the next time I see him."

"That's fair." Danny chuckled, then fell quiet, and Kara wondered what he was thinking about. It was strange, really, how she could simultaneously feel as though she knew this man inside and out, and still have no idea what was going on in his head. She took a deep breath, before blurting out the question that had plagued her for five years now. "How do we know that this," she waved a hand between them, "is real? That it's not some hormonal reaction to great sex during an emotional period in our lives?"

"Great sex, eh?" Danny replied, grinning, and Kara found herself rolling her eyes. Falling right back into old patterns.

"There's even a term for it. Fucking in the face of death," Kara pressed. This was a conversation long overdue. One that she had avoided too many times before. "So how do we know?"

Danny hesitated, as though debating what to say. "Look, you aren't crazy. I've wondered at times too. Whether I was building up our relationship in my head and turning it into something more than it was."

The words stung, and yet Kara understood. Hadn't she had this very conversation with Alisha only weeks before? "And what did you decide?"

"That you're wrong."

She stared at him. _That's all? Just that she was wrong?_

Danny must have read her face because he quickly started talking again. "Every time we're together, Kara, it all comes rushing back. I hear you laughing at something, and I want to be the one who made you laugh. I see you frowning over a problem in the wardroom, and I want to help you figure it out. I think of things that I want to tell you a dozen times a day and have to stop myself from calling. Just being on the same ship as you makes me happy, even if I don't see you for days. None of that is about sex, Kara."

Kara closed her eyes, squeezing them shut. Understanding everything that Danny was saying, as well as everything that he hadn't said. Wasn't that the reason why she could never completely cut him off? Why, if things had played out differently, Kara would have attended Danny's wedding to Laura? Because the idea of never seeing him again hurt worse than loving a man who belonged to another? She wanted so badly to believe that they might just get a second chance. _To believe that this time would be different_. But if the past five years had taught Kara anything, it was that hopes and dreams rarely came true. Not for her.

"What about our jobs? I'm not leaving the James and your team travels constantly. We would hardly see each other."

"Look, I'm not saying that it's easy but other people make it work," Danny replied. "Besides, there was a reason that Cooper has been so driven to catch Vargas. She's moving to a desk job. Well, as much of a desk job as she's capable of doing. She and the Admiral are hoping to expand the family. They already started the IVF process."

Kara's breath caught. She really shouldn't be shocked by the revelation. Most people did ultimately want children, after all, and the pandemic seemed to have highlighted the importance of family for many. Hell, there had been a major population boom in the last five years. "I see."

"Shit." Apparently having picked up on her discomfort, Danny began babbling. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I forgot...I mean I didn't _forget_ but I..."

Kara held up a hand. "Danny, stop. You didn't say anything wrong. I was just surprised. I didn't realize that Cooper and the Admiral were trying."

"They're keeping it quiet," he explained, and Kara understood the unspoken message. Nobody jumped into IVF without trying a few other things first.

"I won't tell anyone." Kara hesitated, staring at her feet, hated herself even as she forced herself to say the words that needed to be said. But if there was any chance of this working, _them_ _working_ , this time, she had to be honest. "I don't think I can go through that again. That's why I broke it off with Stephen. He wanted kids and just the idea...I couldn't do it."

"Okay."

Kara's head shot up. "Excuse me?"

Danny smiled then, the smile that she fell in love with, the one that lit up his entire face. "I said okay."

She blinked, disoriented. "But you've always wanted kids. I remember you joking in the Arctic about having a football team."

"The Arctic was a long time ago. Things change." Danny shifted closer, hand moving to her arm, slowly stroking up and down. "Like I told you, I thought that I had my entire life - _our_ entire life - planned out. And sure that included kids. But then the virus hit and everything changed."

"You don't want kids anymore?" Kara asked, trying to understand what he was saying.

"Honestly? Yeah, I always imagined myself having kids someday," Danny admitted. "But if I have to make a choice, I would rather have you."

Kara stared, unable to move or breath or think. _He would choose her over children?_ She should be ecstatic and yet...

_A little girl with dark curls and a mischievous grin._

_A somber little boy with sandy hair and green eyes._

_The two walking hand-in-hand down the street, smiling, laughing, calling out "Mommy!"._

She pushed the image away. _A dream that died long ago_. "But... how do you know that you won't change your mind again?"

Danny slid an arm around Kara's back, tugging her towards him until they were only centimeters apart, his hand lifting to brush a strand of hair away from her cheek. "Let me ask you a question. Do you not want kids? Or do you not want to be pregnant?"

"I don't want to be pregnant," Kara replied instantly, realizing only after she spoke that the words were true. She felt dizzy, unbalanced, as though her entire world had shifted. And, perhaps, it had. "I never thought of it that way before. I do like kids. I adore Liam."

"I heard that you got hit up to be Liam's godmother," Danny said, his free hand stroking a line down her neck. "Tex asked me to be his godfather. I think he might have been matchmaking. Which, for the record, he sucks at."

"Lord, between Tex and Carlton..." Kara shook her head, before forcing herself to return to the more important topic. "Why did you ask about whether I didn't want kids or didn't want to be pregnant?"

Danny's thumb moved to Kara's lower lip, and his eyes darkened, voice growing rough. "Watching what you went through, first with the trial and then losing the baby, I've never felt so helpless. I couldn't - _wouldn't_ \- ask you to go through that again. But there are other ways to have kids. Like adoption."

Again Kara was caught off guard. "Adoption?"

"It was something that ..." Danny trailed off, uncertain, and Kara giggled.

"You can say Laura's name." Kara rolled her eyes. "Jealousy is an entirely useless emotion."

He flashed her a smile, chuckling. "It was something that Laura and I talked about. Several of the kids in her class lost their entire family. As they get older, the kids are harder to place so many live in group homes or orphanages."

Kara recalled Ray Diaz and the other children that the Nathan James had picked up in Alabama. She never really thought about what happened to the teenagers after they reached St. Louis. Although she did know that many of them, including Ray, enlisted at seventeen and, now that she thought about it, she could remember seeing Andrea putting together packages of food and gifts for Tex and Kat to deliver on holidays.

"I never considered adoption," Kara admitted. She tipped her head to the side, considering Danny. "And if that's not what I want?"

But Danny merely smiled. "Then that's okay. Because, at the end of the day, all that I really want is to come home to you. You are the only family that I need."

She stood paralyzed, wanting desperately to say yes. To throw caution to the wind. To grab everything he was offering with both hands. _And yet..._

Bending down, Danny brushed his lips gently across hers. "I love you, Kara."

Tears built in her eyes. "I love you. I do. But...I'm not sure that is enough. So much happened. What if we can't move past it?"

There, she had said it. Admitted her fear, her uncertainty. She waited for him to pull away, to walk away, to reject her. _Like he had before_. Instead, Danny cupped her chin, his gaze steady. "We can. I know that we can, Kara. But I also know that it's going to take time. Which is why I'm not asking you to marry me. Not yet. Just asking you to think about the possibility."

"Danny..." Unable to stop herself, Kara wrapped her arms around his waist, raising her face for a kiss that quickly got out of hand. _Just like the last time they met here._ Kara pulled away with a sigh. "You're crazy, you know that?"

"I seem to recall hearing that once or twice." He chuckled, then his face grew stern, although his eyes danced with hidden laughter. "Anyway, no need to make a decision today, Captain. Right now you have a boat to get back to the States. And then, if you are up for it, I'd like to take you on a date."

A slow smile spread across Kara's face. After a moment, she nodded. "I'd like that too."

x

x

_To be continued..._


	10. The Best of Intentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - and I'm back! I am pretty excited about the new storylines so hope y'all enjoy the further adventures of Danny and Kara! Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate! xoxo - tmtcltb

"Hi Mom." Kara opened the front door to find Debbie and Peter with a pan of what looked like chicken parmesan. "Peter, nice to see you. That smells good."

"Kara!" Debbie rushed forward, eyes sparkling with tears, enveloping her daughter in a tight hug. "You look pale and far too skinny. I don't know what Commander Slattery was thinking, making you come back by ship. Don't they med-evac people anymore?"

Managing to extract herself, Kara closed the door behind Peter. "A med-evac was hardly necessary, Mom. As you can see, I'm fine."

"Even as a child you never admitted to being hurt." Debbie studied Kara from head to foot before, apparently, deciding that Kara was not at death's door. "Come on, sit down and tell us all about it. You should have told me when you would be back. I could have met you at the dock."

Debbie's fussing was, of course, the reason why Kara had _not_ told her mother when the Nathan James was scheduled to arrive in Mayport. Although Debbie had kept her promise of five years ago to remain sober, their relationship remained strained. Nothing that was evident to others. Or, at least, nothing that Kara thought was obvious. Just a bit of tension - tension which Kara knew was mostly on her end as she struggled to adjust to this new version of Debbie.

_One who was motivated and_ _attentive_ _and reliable._

It was a version of her mother than Kara hadn't seen growing up. Motivated, at times. Attentive, when she wasn't drinking. But reliable? The first time that Kara heard the word used in connection with her mother she almost laughed. _They couldn't be talking about Debbie!_ And then Kara had seen it for herself. The way Debbie threw herself into running the shelter turned distribution center in Norfolk. How she breezed into St. Louis, Peter in tow, and immediately turned her attention to creating temporary housing and supplies for those flooding the city with no more than the clothing on their backs. Debbie remained in St. Louis while Kara was transferred to Rota but, once Kara moved permanently to Florida, her mother followed. This time getting a job as a city manager and quickly becoming, as the Mayor had told Kara on multiple occasions, _the best thing that ever happened to Mayport_.

Kara was glad that Debbie was doing so well. That, after so many years of struggling, she was happy. With a job she loved, a long-term steady boyfriend, and a circle of friends who were not drinking buddies. Yet Kara remained slightly uneasy with the new-and-improved version of Debbie Foster. A woman who bore so little resemblance to the woman who Kara knew for her first thirty years.

Having allowed herself to be led into the living room, Kara sank onto the couch. "There's really nothing to worry about, Mom. The media blew it all out of proportion. Basically I spent a week stuck inside but, other than the lack of running water, it was no worse than being at a hotel. Rios checked me out as soon as I got back to the James and I passed every test."

Despite the fact that it was eighty degrees outside, Debbie began tucking a blanket around Kara. She was relieved to see that Peter had disappeared into the kitchen, presumably to find plates and silverware. One of the many things that Kara liked about her mother's boyfriend was that he didn't try to parent her. Debbie did more than enough fussing for both of them.

Debbie sat down next to Kara on the couch, her lips pursing. "I suppose that you can't tell me what really happened."

Kara didn't bother prevaricating. "No."

Debbie frowned. "Were you with Danny at least?"

Kara suppressed a sigh. Debbie's view of Danny as some sort of paragon - a paragon who Kara let slip through her fingers, no less - was a continuous source of annoyance. Especially since Debbie insisted on judging every other man who Kara brought home against her biased view of Danny, a contest which the man in question inevitably lost.

xxxxx

_"I can't believe that you let that boy leave without getting a ring on your finger," Debbie announced as she carried another box of clothing into the room to be sorted. "He'll come back sweet on some other girl and don't say that I didn't warn you."_

_Kara set down her cup of coffee, already regretting her decision to come see Debbie today. As if watching the Nathan James sail down the Mississippi without her had not been enough to deal with, she was now facing an interrogation from her mother. "Danny and I are not dating, Mom."_

_"You keep saying that but I see the way you look at each other," Debbie replied, starting to sort the clothing as she spoke, moving quickly through the piles. "I'm your mother. I know you better than you think."_

_Kara stood to help, pausing for a moment to catch her breath. Although it had been more than three months since the vaccine trial, Kara's exhausted remained and, after weeks of badgering, Rachel had finally convinced Kara to make an appointment with a local OBGYN for tomorrow afternoon. It was the reason that Kara was here, truthfully, having some half-baked idea of asking Debbie to go with her to the appointment. An idea that she scraped the second that Debbie started in on the topic of Danny. "Mom, can we please talk about something else?"_

_Debbie stopped, hands on her hips. "Fine, but I'm telling you that you just threw away Grade A husband material right there! You, Kara Elizabeth Foster, need to wake up and smell the coffee before you end up like me. A fifty-five year old woman with a string of bad relationships to my name. Or worse, knocked up with no ring and no means of supporting yourself."_

_Even knowing that Debbie had no idea what happened during the vaccine trial, no idea that Kara was ever pregnant, the words were a blow. Apparently sensing that something was off, Debbie leaned closer, studying Kara. "You aren't pregnant, are you?"_

_"Lord, no," Kara managed, turning and rummaging through a pile of clothing in the guise of productivity. "And I can support myself just fine, Mom."_

_Another sore subject, given that Kara had been Debbie's main source of income since she graduated. Debbie spoke softly. "I know that, honey."_

_"Anyway," Kara said, forcing herself to sound positive, "I would say that your bad luck with men may have changed. Peter seems pretty darn nice."_

_Accepting the change in conversation, Debbie giggled. "Peter is amazing. I couldn't believe it when he offered to come to St. Louis with me. Now that is true commitment."_

xxxxx

Pulling her legs up under her on the couch, Kara fought to keep her voice neutral. "I was with Danny for part of the time. He's recovering well, in case you were wondering."

"Actually we dropped a few casseroles off at his apartment on our way over," Debbie offered brightly.

"That was nice of you." And it _was_ nice of Debbie and Peter to think of Danny, even if it rankled that Debbie managed to stop by Danny's apartment before coming to see her own daughter. Realizing that she was being petty - after all, Kara was the one who waited until she was home to inform Debbie that the Nathan James was back in Mayport - Kara smiled at her mother. "You really can't beat Peter's cooking. I'm sure Danny will enjoy it."

"Poor boy seemed pretty out of it," Debbie continued. Kara hid a smile, recalling Danny's plans while they were both stuck inside their respective houses on "medical leave", which boiled down to drinking until dawn and sleeping until noon. "Rick was there, and his friend Wolf. I've always liked those boys. They said they were there to help Danny so I told them that we would bring back more tomorrow. With three men eating, the food won't last long."

"Enough talking, time to eat," Peter announced, returning with three plates. His eyes flickered across Kara. "I know that you were checked out by a doctor, but I have to agree with your mother. You look a little pale. Still, nothing that some good food and time relaxing in the sun won't fix, I'm sure."

Kara immediately dug into her food, almost groaning as the flavor burst across her tongue. "Peter, you are a miracle worker. This is amazing."

"Glad you enjoy it." Peter smiled, then jumped back up. "I almost forgot the bread."

A moment later he returned, setting the basket on the table. "Actually, your mother and I have something we want to discuss with you."

"Oh?" Kara glanced up, noticing that Peter seemed nervous, only then noticing the new decoration on Debbie's left hand. "Is that what I think it is?"

Beaming, Debbie grabbed Peter's hand with both of hers. "It is! Can you believe it? We're engaged."

"Congratulations!" Kara made to stand but Debbie waved her back, holding out her hand so that Kara could inspect the lovely emerald-cut diamond set in a platinum band. Having spent a little too much time recently talking about engagement rings, Kara could immediately tell that Peter had fallen for the two-month salary rule. Moreover importantly, however, the ring was completely different from the sapphire-and-diamond on a band of gold that Debbie had received from Kara's father.

_The one that Debbie gave to Danny, and Danny gave to Kara. The one that was even now sitting in her jewelry box._

"It's beautiful," Kara said honestly.

"Isn't it? I was so surprised. I've always said that I was never getting married again but I just couldn't say no." Debbie beamed at Peter. "I can't imagine life without you."

Peter squeezed Debbie's hand. "The feeling is mutual."

xxxxx

_Twelve-year-old Kara walked into the kitchen to find her mother slamming pots. Warily, she moved around the table. "What's for dinner?"_

_"Spaghettios," Debbie replied shortly. "Set the table for two."_

_"Where's Mitch?" Kara asked, doing as she was told. Truthfully, she didn't like Mitch much. He was too loud and smelled bad. And Kara hated it when her mom quit working at the diner so she could go with Mitch on long-hauls. Staying with Jennifer was fun at first but Kara missed seeing her mother when she was gone for two or three weeks taking loads to California or Oregon._

_"Mitch left. We broke up." Debbie's response was short._

_Kara carefully lined up the napkins and laid the silverware. "Are you going back to work at the diner?"_

_"I don't have much of a choice, do I?"_ _Pouring herself a glass of vodka, Debbie took a long drink before splitting the slimy spaghettios between two plates._ _"This is Mitch's place so you'll stay with Jennifer for a few weeks until I c_ _an find a new apartment and talk to Ed. He was pretty mad when I quit with no notice so I'll have to do a little sweet-talking to get my job back. I'm telling you, Kara, there is no such thing as a good man. They all end up leaving you high and dry."_

_Kara nodded along as Debbie began a familiar rant, focusing on swallowing the slimy, limp noodles._ _Kara liked it better when Debbie worked at the diner because she would bring home extra food at the end of her shift. Tuesday was the best because Wednesday was baking day so Ed would send home the extra pie for Kara._ _Thinking about the possibility of pie was so distracting that Kara almost missed the reference to her father._

_"What about my dad?" Kara interrupted. Debbie rarely talked about Kara's father, even when Kara begged._

_Debbie paused, lifting her glass to her mouth, only to discover that it was empty. She stood up to pour another. "At least your father had the decency to marry me. Without his death benefits we would probably be out on the street right now."_

_Kara stared at her mother. She knew about the payments. Right after the check arrived her mom and Mitch would go shopping and out to dinner. And then by the end of the month they would be back to spaghettios. "That money we get every month is from my dad?"_

_"No. Not from him," Debbie snapped, draining her second glass. "From the company he worked for. The rat bastards."_

_"So my dad was a good man then?" Kara asked, confused. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Wasn't he?"_

_Debbie snorted. "I told Dale to stay here but, no, he had to take a job on an oil rig in the middle of the damn ocean. And it was just my luck that he was there for less than a month before the whole thing blew up. Took them a week to even find the body and then another week to identify him from dental records."_

_Kara gasped, tears building in her eyes and then overflowing. She knew that her father was dead, of course. But he died in an explosion? His body lost for days? She imagined him floating in the water, empty eyes staring blankly at the sky as sharks nibbled at his hands and feet._

_Then Debbie was at her side, hugging Kara to her tightly. "Just you and me, baby. It's just you and me. I'll never trust another man again."_

xxxxx

Kara watched the way that Debbie gazed up at Peter, her eyes shimmering with tears, their hands clasped tightly together. A lump rose in her throat. "I'm so happy for you."

"I want you to be my maid of honor," Debbie said, turning back to Kara and picking up her own plate, taking a small bite of her chicken. "I know that you've been helping Alisha and Val with their planning so I thought that I would pick your brain about some ideas on entertainment and color schemes."

"Um..."

But Debbie wasn't done. "Nothing too fancy. No more than fifty, maybe seventy-five people. Peter will handle the food. And I was thinking that the Civic Center would be perfect for the reception since I already work there. I'm picturing a lilac dress for you. What do you think?"

Thankfully Peter saved her before Kara could admit that she had no thoughts whatsoever about lilac dresses and had, in fact, delegated authority to pick her dress for Val and Alisha's dress to Courtney. "Give her a few minutes to adjust, Deb. Maybe save colors for tomorrow."

"You're right, you're right," Debbie smiled at Peter and then Kara. "But you will be my maid of honor? I can't imagine doing this without you next to me."

"Of course," Kara murmured. As though she could give any other answer. There was nothing wrong with being the maid of honor for her mother, she supposed. But it felt like something a girlfriend should do, maybe a sister. Surely Debbie wouldn't expect Kara to plan a bachelorette party or help pick out lingerie for her honeymoon?

Debbie set down her plate. "Oh look at me! My mascara is running again. I'll be right back."

As soon as Debbie was out of sight, Kara took a deep breath. _Had it really only been fifteen minutes since Debbie arrived?_

Kara was startled when Peter spoke, having almost forgotten that he was still there. "I imagine this is all a little overwhelming, but I know having you involved with the wedding means the world to Debbie."

Kara smiled at Peter, taking another piece of garlic bread simply to have something to do with her hands. "I really am happy for you. Both of you. I've never seen Mom like this with anyone else."

Peter studied her. "Debbie's told me some things about her past, about your childhood. About how tough it was. She didn't sugarcoat anything."

_That was unlikely_.

"It was okay." Kara stuffed more food in her mouth, not wanting to have this conversation.

"Kara, I ran a sober living home for thirty years," Peter said softly. "I know that it wasn't okay. And Debbie knows that too. I think that it would help both of you if you were open to talking about what happened back then."

Anger flashed through her, and Kara struggled to keep her ton even. "Look, Peter, I'm sure that you mean well but that's between me and Debbie."

Peter threw up his hands. "You're right. The last thing I want to do is interfere with your relationship with you mom. She's lucky to have you." He stood. "More pasta?"

"Please." Handing over her half-filled plate, Kara watched as Peter returned to the kitchen, desperately wishing that she was back on the Nathan James.

xxxxx

_Kara picked at her food despite it being her favorite meal. Within minutes of submitting the request for a transfer, Kara had begun second-guessing her decision. Admiral Chandler had jumped at her proposal to serve a dual role in Rota, Spain, as both the President's military advisor in Europe and the military liaison to the EU. With the severe shortage of personnel on all levels, there was currently only a single Ambassador assigned to all of Europe. Kara would fill the gap, as necessary, when multiple events were taking place simultaneously. Her participation in the vaccine trial apparently being sufficient to gloss over her lack of diplomatic experience. N_ _ow, with only days left in St. Louis, Kara again wondered whether her decision had been driven by a desire to further her career, or simply the need to escape St. Louis._

_Debbie took a deep breath. "I wanted to talk to you about something before you left, Kara."_

_Forcing herself to focus, Kara looked up. "I added you to my bank account already, if that is what you are wondering. You'll also have access to supplies from the PX as my dependent. Once it opens, anyway."_

_Not all of the accounts, but enough for Debbie to not have to worry about her basic needs. Kara had learned the hard way that giving Debbie access to everything meant coming home to empty accounts and overdraft fees._

_"No, not about that," Debbie began, then stopped. "Actually that's part of it. I wanted to apologize. I haven't always been the best mother, Kara."_

_"Mom, stop." Kara held up her hand. "That's in the past. What you need to focus on now is the present. On staying sober."_

_"Making amends is part of the process," Debbie explained. She leaned forward, eyes imploring. "I want to do this right, Kara."_

_Kara set down her fork carefully, making sure to line it up with her knife before straightening her napkin. "Then consider yourself forgiven."_

_Debbie teared up. "Thank you, Kara. When I think about some of the things I did when I was drinking..."_

_"It's okay, Mom." Kara waited a fraction of a second. "Anyway, it's getting late and there are some communication issues to smooth out before I leave. I told Val that I would swing by the office and I don't want to keep her there too late. Will I see you tomorrow?"_

_"Yes, I'll be there." Debbie smiled as she fixed both Kara and Val to-go boxes. Fifteen minutes later Kara had made her escape, handing the food to the homeless man who lived on the corner before making her way back to the office. While there were no pressing communication issues to address and Val was hopefully home enjoying some time with Alisha before they shipped out, there was still plenty to keep Kara busy. Snapping on the light, Kara began working her way through the stack of paperwork sitting on her desk. Normally this was her least favorite part of the job but_ _compared to the option of rehashing her childhood?_

_Almost anything was better_ _._

xxxxx

Debbie returned from the bathroom with a bright smile. "Now, enough about me. I want to hear all about the ball!" She wiggled her eyebrows at Kara. "Was there romance in the air?"

"You mean the part before I was kidnapped?" Kara asked dryly.

"I saw those pictures, Kara," Debbie scolded. "I do have to say that you and Danny seemed very cozy dancing together. And the look on his face? I don't care what you say, he's still got a thing for you."

Kara groaned. She had almost managed to forget about those pictures from the ball, which were splashed across the front of pretty much every major newspaper for weeks. The interest in their relationship was one of the primary reasons that Slattery had _not_ elected to "med-evac" Danny and Kara back to the States. "We were _working_ , Mom."

"Mm-hm," Debbie replied, and Kara knew that it was a lost cause. "You're telling me that _nothing_ of interest happened that evening?"

"Well," Kara said, picking up her fork. "I have now officially danced with the heads of state on five of the seven continents. That's interesting, right?"


	11. Playing It Safe

Chapter 11 - Playing it Safe

x

Andrea was breathing heavily when Kara opened the door, loaded down with an infant carseat, infant, diaper bag, purse, small bouncy chair, and a paper bag filled with what Kara hoped was lunch. Rescuing Liam before he ended up flat on his face, Kara wished that she had offered to grab the food herself, despite the fact that doing so would have meant violating a direct order from Captain Mike Slattery. Clearly Andrea had enough to manage without having to make an extra stop on her way over.

As though reading Kara's thoughts, Andrea nodded towards the bag. "I got Pad Thai. One of the benefits to knowing the owner is that they run it out to the car. Liam slept through the entire thing."

"A good person to know," Kara teased, unlatching Liam from his carseat. She couldn't help but smile as he reached out a pudgy hand to try to grab at her hair. "Thank you for picking it up."

Andrea began to dig through her mountain of supplies. "I see that you got rid of your mother."

"Thank god," Kara groaned. "She was here for _days_. And all she wanted to talk about was Danny and weddings."

"Weddings?" Andrea actually turned around, eyebrows almost at her hairline.

Realizing that she sounded as if Debbie was planning Kara's wedding - presumably to Danny - Kara quickly clarified. "Yeah, she and Peter are engaged. It's weird. They've been together for so long that I got used to them just being a couple. But now they want to make it official and Debbie is planning her dream wedding." Turning her focus to Liam, Kara began bouncing him, letting his little feet and legs push against her lap. "Hello little man. You remember Auntie Kara, don't you? Don't you?"

As if on cue, the baby began to gurgle and smile. A bit of ticking around Liam's fat little neck and Kara even managed to draw a giggle. It was mildly disconcerting how much the child looked like Tex, the same wrinkly forehead and mischievous smile. But the shock of red hair that stuck straight up from his head was all Andrea. Looking up, Kara smiled at her friend. "I swear that he's double the size he was before I left."

"Tex claims that I'm feeding him buttermilk." Andrea rolled her eyes, but Kara could see the satisfaction on her friend's face as she looked at her healthy little boy.

Gazing down at the giggling child, Kara felt a sting as she recalled how thoroughly her own body had betrayed her in that respect. And, for the briefest of moments, she had a twinge of something almost like envy. Not because Andrea had Liam - if _anyone_ deserved to have a healthy and happy baby, it was Andrea and Kara had never felt otherwise. No, this envy was about something very different. About the fact that, even at forty-five, Andrea could still support new life. Not only carrying Liam for the full nine months, defying all expectations, but apparently also producing the breastmilk equivalent of butter.

Immediately following the thought came the guilt. Because what Kara went through didn't even come close to Andrea's own experience. Which, strangely enough, made Andrea the person most likely to understand exactly how Kara felt right now. An inexplicable combination of joy for her friend, and heartache for herself.

xxxxx

_Kara knocked on the door again. "Andrea! It's Kara! Are you there?"_

_From the moment that Tex called to ask if she had talked to Andrea recently, explaining that she hadn't responded to his calls or texts for days, Kara had known that something was horribly wrong. A quick stop at Andrea's office revealed that the engineer had called out sick for the past two days and, in fact, missed an important all-hands meeting. But it was only after Russ mentioned Lily's birthday that Kara made the connection. Next week would have been Lily's seventeenth birthday, the fifth anniversary of her death only weeks later. Even Mike seemed concerned when Kara popped by to explain that she was leaving work early to check on Andrea, asking her to update him later that evening._

_"Andrea?" Kara called again. "I just want to make sure that you're okay."_

_Another few moments passed before the door creaked open to reveal Andrea - who was a wreck. Wearing ratty sweatpants that Kara strongly suspected belonged to Tex and a sweaty t-shirt, Andrea looked as though she had not slept in days. Her hair fell lanky around her face, dark circles under her eyes, and there was some sort of food smeared across her shoulder. Frankly, Andrea hadn't looked this badly during the damn vaccine trial. Kara couldn't help a gasp. "Go lie back down. I'm going to call Rios."_

_"No, no," Andrea murmured, although she did turn and head back into the house._

_Kara followed her, searching for Timothy's number, caught by surprise when Andrea took the phone away before she could make the call. "Kara, stop. I don't need Rios to tell me what's wrong with me."_

_"Then what?" Kara asked, feeling herself grow cold. It took a lot to shake Andrea and whatever put her into this state would have to be really, really bad. Tex would have known if something had happened to Kat, and either Mike or Russ would have known if there had been a catastrophe, like losing a carrier. The only other explanation that Kara could come up with involved a fatal illness. Kara had already lost so many friends, she couldn't fathom losing Andrea as well._

_Andrea sighed, hand rising to pinch her nose, before she sank back down on the couch and waved a hand at the coffee table. Coming closer, Kara saw a line of ten sticks that looked shockingly like..._

_"Oh." Kara managed to get to the chair before she collapsed. Nobody took ten pregnancy tests unless they didn't believe the answer. And, at forty-four, a negative test would hardly have been a surprise. Kara leaned forward to pick one up, making sure to choose the end that hadn't been peed on. She glanced up at Andrea. "I take it that this wasn't planned?"_

_"God. I keep thinking that this is a nightmare." Andrea brought her hands up to her face, and Kara thought that she heard a sob. Andrea looked up. "Look, if you need to leave, I get it. I know this wasn't what you expected to hear when you knocked on that door. Does leaving the damn test out count as a pregnancy announcement?"_

_Andrea was well aware of how much Kara hated those cutesy pregnancy announcements that were all the rage, often showing up at Kara's house with food and a bottle of wine so they could commiserate. But this situation was completely different. It wasn't the announcements that so bothered Kara. Not exactly. It was the fact that people were so damn happy, so eager to share the news and plan for the new arrival from the moment they found out. As though two lines on a stick automatically meant that you got to bring home a living child._

_"Not unless you do something vomit inducing like take a picture of the test with a bunch of chocolate hearts surrounding it," Kara replied, pausing before adding. "And then eat the hearts."_

_Andrea actually cracked a smile. "That was Wright, wasn't it? It's like people don't know that you pee on the things."_

_"Exactly." Kara shook her head, looking at the pregnancy test she held in her hand again. "Twelve plus weeks?"_

_Andrea groaned, head back in hands. "I'm an idiot. Do you remember when they used to have that show about pregnant women who gave birth without knowing they were pregnant? I'm one of them."_

_Kara had been almost ten weeks and had no idea. If it wasn't for the vaccine trial, who knew when she would have figured it out. Perhaps she and Andrea should start a club. Kara forced herself back to the present. "I'm sure lots of women get to three months without..."_

_"Five," Andrea interrupted._

_"What?" Kara asked, confused._

_"Pretty sure I'm five months. Twenty-two weeks."_

_Kara began counting. "But Tex has only been home three months."_

_"Yeah," Andrea sighed, then snickered. "Don't repeat this, but an old man and an old woman and a cast are a bad combination. There was none of that happening. So we're looking at that debriefing in April before the team went back to Columbia."_

_Considering that information, Kara set down the stick and pulled out her antibacterial soap. It would have to do until she could wash her hands for real. While cleaning up, she took time to study Andrea. The woman didn't look any different, not from what Kara could see. Hell, if anything Andrea had lost weight and although she was wearing sweats at the moment, Kara had seen her in her uniform earlier this week without noticing anything amiss. "What made you take the test?"_

_Andrea sunk back on the sofa. "I felt...I felt it move. I actually thought that I was having a breakdown. Lily's birthday is next week and I figured that I was hallucinating or something."_

_"But you haven't been to a doctor?" Kara pressed._

_"No." Andrea paused. "Can you imagine? Telling Rios that I figured out I was five months pregnant at forty-four because I could feel something inside me moving? Forget a pregnancy test, he was going to be sending me for psych testing."_

_Kara leaned forward, reaching over to touch Andrea's hand. "Tex is in Norfolk visiting Kat, right? When is he back?"_

_"Tuesday...tomorrow," Andrea corrected herself._

_"Then this is what we are going to do." Kara stood up, looking around the usually neat bungalow. Today it looked like a bomb had gone off. "You are going to text that man and tell him that you aren't dying of some incurable disease, because I'm pretty sure that is what he thinks right now. Then you are going to take a shower while I clean up. After that, we're going to take a trip to see Timothy and find out exactly how pregnant you are. Because I'm not hallucinating and all ten of those tests say pregnant. After we get all of that done, we are going to figure out the best way to tell Tex that he's about to push the restart button on fatherhood."_

_Andrea managed to crack a smile. "Yes, ma'am."_

_Kara stood, then stopped. "And please tell me that I can throw away those tests."_

_Andrea looked down, then actually laughed. "Yeah. No need to give Tex a heart attack the minute that he walks in the door."_

xxxxx

"Speaking of Tex," Kara began. She played Liam in the bouncer that Andrea had set on one end of the table. He immediately began batting at the toys, which lit up and sang as he hit them. "I heard a rumor that he's retiring. Again."

Andrea snorted. "Not exactly. He's moving back to contractor status. That gives him the option of saying no but do you really think he's going to stay here if the rest of the team leaves?"

"Unlikely." Kara acknowledged, gathering plates and utensils while Andrea opened the various containers of food. "Although I heard that the plan was to stick closer to home for a while anyway."

Andrea raised an eyebrow. "As always, Commander Foster, you are very in the know. I assume you are talking about Sasha and Tom going through IVF?"

Kara nodded, hesitating. "Yes, although I don't really know more than that."

"Sasha's been pretty open about it," Andrea explained as she began to spoon food onto her plate. "Tom less so but, then, he was always that way."

"I don't know Sasha well," Kara admitted. Frankly, the trip to and from Brazil was the most time that Kara and Sasha had ever spent together. And both were busy with their own duties for the most part.

"If there is any truth to the rumor that I heard about you, you may be getting to know Sasha much better," Andrea said, smirking. "Perhaps I should arrange for a spa day."

"What did you hear?" Kara asked, although she pretty much knew. There were few secrets among the crew - current and former - of the Nathan James. Besides, Andrea was married to Tex, who always seemed to be up-to-date on gossip.

"I heard that you have a date with a certain ex-boyfriend who, last time I checked, was on the person non grata list." Andrea helped herself to a cup of coffee from the pot that Kara habitually left on the counter. "Tex is practically beside himself with glee, claiming that he sees marriage bells. And, of course, he's taking credit for getting the two of you together."

"Hardly. Between Tex and Carlton it's a miracle that we managed to have a single, solitary conversation the entire time we were gone," Kara shook her head. "It's amazing how clueless men can be."

"Oh, don't I know," Andrea mourned.

Kara slowly chewed on her noodles, considering the question that had been burning in her brain for days now. "Can I ask you something about...before?"

Andrea's smile faded, but she nodded. "Shoot."

"I know that you had a few miscarriages." Kara paused.

"Four before Lily," Andrea confirmed, her eyes far away, as though remembering another time. Most likely picturing her daughter. "Originally Bill and I wanted two or three kids but after Lily was born, I was happy with just one little girl. We decided not to try again."

"Did you ever..." Kara paused, fiddling with her cup. "Did you ever look into other options?"

Andrea leaned back in her chair, focusing completely on Kara. "My situation was a little different than the usual. Bill had a balanced translocation. It's a rare event where some of the chromosomes switch places back when the sperm meets the egg. In Bill's case, while the chromosomes weren't in the usual place, they were all there so it didn't impact his health. But it did mean that we had a fifty percent chance of having a miscarriage, depending on whether the fetus got his balanced chromosomes or not."

Kara stared at Andrea. Until this moment, she would have said that she knew everything there was to know about the other woman's path to motherhood. Apparently she was dead wrong. "I had no idea something like that could happen."

"Yeah, well, biology isn't all that different from engineering when you get down to it," Andrea said dryly. "Bill and I knew in advance. Before we ever got married, actually. Still, the first miscarriage hit both of us hard. Human nature, I suppose, to think that you'll be the person who escapes the odds."

Both women were silent for a moment, recalling another time when Andrea didn't beat the odds. After a moment, Andrea continued. "I feel fortunate, in a sense."

"Fortunate?" Kara managed to choke out. "How?"

Andrea shrugged. "Because it wasn't a surprise. I think it helped me stay more detached. We never told anyone that I was pregnant, wanting to know whether it would stick first. With Lily I waited until I had to put in the paperwork due to a scheduled deployment."

_Four miscarriages_. Kara recalled the way her entire body shook, so hot that she expected to combust at any moment, unable to do anything more than curl into a ball. The virus had been awful but at least then there was morphine to dull the pain. But even the morphine could not stop the horrible, gnawing agony that followed. She remembered seeing Danny's face, and knowing that it was her fault he was sitting there so stoically, trying to hide the tears in his eyes. But she had been unable to do anything to ease his pain. Unable to look at him no matter how many times he begged her to open her eyes. Unable to stop herself from flinching every time their hands so much as brushed. Unable to do anything more than simply endure.

"I can't imagine going through that again."

Kara wasn't aware that she said the words out loud until Andrea spoke. "Your experience wasn't typical, Kara. You know that, right?"

"Rachel told me that my bleeding was much worse than usual," Kara replied. "That's what triggered the anemia and the dizziness. And then there was the seizure."

"I'm not sure it was just the bleeding, Kara," Andrea said. "Physically, my miscarriages were no worse than a heavy period. I popped a few pills and life went on. I've wondered at times why your recovery was so much harder. I don't know enough about medicine to do more than guess, but the virus must have been part of it. It seems to me that there had to have been a reason why you and Maya both got sick so much quicker and were hit so much harder than the rest of us. And we know that Maya wasn't pregnant so it had to have been something else."

Kara set down her fork, staring at Andrea. _How was it possible that they had never had this conversation before?_ But Kara knew the answer without having to ask. By mutual agreement, she and Andrea didn't discuss what happened in that tent on the Nathan James. Just like Kara and Alisha didn't discuss Baltimore. Just like Kara and Carlton didn't discuss Danny. And just like Kara and Danny didn't discuss pretty much anything. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair as she recognized a trend. "Honestly, a lot of that time is a blur."

"I'm sure that Rios has all the records if you want more information," Andrea said sympathetically. "Like I said, I'm no doctor. But it might help if you ever did consider getting pregnant again."

xxxxx

_"I'm just so tired," Kara admitted, sitting across the small table from Rachel, only feet from where the vaccine trial tent had been. The other woman was reviewing Kara's most recent bloodwork and, from the look on Rachel's face, it wasn't good._

_"Kara," Rachel said softly. "You went through a great ordeal. It is going to take time for your body to recover."_

_"Nobody else is having side effects," Kara pressed._

_Rachel pursed her lips. "Everyone is different."_

_"So it's because I was pregnant." The words were bitter on her tongue._

_"Maybe." Rachel closed the file. "Kara, your iron and Vitamin D levels are critically low. I'm also concerned that you continue to have HCG in your system. It could simply be the way that your body reacts but... Have you heard of something called a molar pregnancy?"_

_"No."_

_Rachel sighed. "Unfortunately, it can develop into cancer. Now that we are in St. Louis, I'm hoping to find an OBGYN to consult with. I simply don't have sufficient expertise in this area. But until I can determine what is going on, Kara, I can't clear you."_

_Kara stared at Rachel, her mind a whirl. "So...I'm off the James?"_

_"I'm sorry, Kara."_

_She would be staying here, alone, in St. Louis when the Nathan James left. No Alisha. No Andrea. No Carlton. No Danny. Kara's breath caught. How would she explain this to Danny? For weeks now he had been hovering, watching how much she ate and slept, taking overnight shifts so he was free during the day to sit with her. She had told him over and over again that it was unnecessary, that she was fine, that she was just a little tired. First the vaccine trial, then the miscarriage, and now maybe cancer?_

_She couldn't do that to him. She wouldn't._

_She had taken far too much from him already._

_"I'm happy to speak with Captain Chandler about other options," Rachel began, but Kara cut her off._

_"No, I don't want Captain Chandler knowing." Because if Captain Chandler knew, there was too much risk of Danny finding out. "I'll talk to him. Ask for reassignment to President Michener's team."_

_But Kara hadn't given Rachel enough credit. The woman reached across the table to take Kara's hand. "You don't have to do this alone, Kara. If you don't want to tell Danny, well, that is your choice. But I will be there to help you through this. I promise."_

xxxxx

"Maybe I'll look at my records," Kara replied, knowing that she was lying. The last thing that she wanted to do was relive what happened five years ago. Besides, Rachel was the only person in the world who knew the whole story and Rachel was back in England with Michael. For the first time in ages, Kara wished that Rachel lived closer. Not that she was especially close to the Doctor but...

_No, it was better to move on_.

Andrea reached out to tickle Liam's foot. "Anyway, you asked about other options. I assume you mean adoption?"

"Yeah." Kara forced her mind to focus on the present. "I never considered the idea but then Danny mentioned the possibility and I can't stop thinking about it."

"Bill was adopted," Andrea explained. "Because of that, he didn't want to adopt. Said that he wanted to know that he was biological connected to someone else on the planet."

"Really?" Kara had Debbie, of course, but Danny had lost his entire family. If they were to adopt someday, would he come to regret not having that biological connection?

"But adoption used to be much harder," Andrea continued with a shrug. "Waiting lists and home checks and thousands of dollars in fees. Nowadays you and Danny could probably walk in one afternoon and go home with a child then and there. It's unlikely that you could adopt an infant, but there are plenty of older children looking for homes. If that was the path that you decided on, with or without Danny, I think that you would make a wonderful mother, Kara."

Looking at Liam, Kara could almost picture a different child lying there, one with sandy hair and blue-green eyes and his father's smile. One who would grow up to be a mischievous toddler and then a shy preschooler who would hide behind his daddy. _One who continued to haunt her dreams_. Maybe it would be better to adopt an older child, to skip those stages. To avoid any comparisons to the five-year-old who might be playing in the other room right now if things had gone differently.

"It's a lot to think about."

"I know." Then Andrea smiled. "I volunteer over at one of the children's homes. If you ever want to go, just let me know."

Kara nodded, relieved that Andrea wasn't pressing the issue further. "I will."

Andrea leaned back, coffee in hand. "Now, tell me what the deal is with Green treating half of your VBSS team to a night out on the town? Tex claims that it was all the result of a bet?"

Chuckling, Kara picked up her own coffee. "Not so much a bet as a competition."


	12. The Great Teacher Inspires

Kara pulled into the parking lot of the bar that Danny had selected for the winning VBSS team's night out on the town, feeling surprisingly apprehensive. They had spoken during the two-week period while Danny and Kara were "recovering" and had to keep a low profile but, between Debbie and Danny's team, who seemed to view the two-week period as one long party, few of the conversations had been private. Leaving her feeling slightly on edge about tonight's festivities. Initially, Kara didn't even plan to join the group tonight. After all, this was about the guys and Kara's presence tended to have a dampening effect. But then Rick decided to swing by and Andrea confirmed that she and Tex would be there, as well as Jeter and Rios and Gator.

_As well as Danny_.

The lure of seeing Danny again, no matter how nerve-wracking, was irresistible. So, here she was, checking her appearance in the rear view mirror before exiting her car. While Danny had decreed that tonight was an unofficial gathering, meaning no uniforms, Kara had been around the block enough to know that she needed to avoid even a hint of impropriety. After trying on about a dozen options, she ultimately settled on slim, black jeans and a loose, long-sleeve shirt. And if the jeans and the shirt happened to be new, and if she had broken with tradition and worn strappy heels rather than boots, well, it wasn't as if her clothing was inappropriate. As for the fact that she spent at least twice as long as usual on her hair and makeup...

Actually she had no excuse for that one. But Danny was going to be here and Kara wanted to look nice.

Kara reached the door just after Rick and Courtney, Courtney looking adorable in an a-line dress that showed just the hint of a bump. Kara smiled at the pair, leaning in to give Courtney a quick hug. Despite having literally nothing in common with the younger woman, Kara considered her a friend. Courtney was so very genuine. "You look gorgeous as always, Mrs. Miller."

Courtney flushed, her hand moving to her stomach. "Thank you. You're looking well yourself, Kara. I wasn't sure if we would see you tonight, given everything you went through in Brazil."

Kara waved off Courtney's obvious concern. "The bouquet was beautiful, especially the sunflowers. That was incredibly thoughtful of you."

Curiously, Courtney shot Rick a look that, on anyone else, Kara would have deemed a _told you so_. "Rick said you didn't like flowers but I told him that every woman likes flowers, even if that woman is the Captain of the Nathan James."

Ah, so that's what happened. Rick, of course, knew that Kara was perfectly fine. Not that he could tell his wife. There were definitely times when the secrecy involved in their job was awkward. Ironically, that was one of the benefits to dating Danny again. With both of them having clearance, there would be few things that they couldn't discuss.

Rick threw up his hands. "I admit, you were right."

Courtney smiled at her husband and he wrapped an arm around her waist, apparently all forgiven. The two so in love that Kara almost felt the need to look away. Then Courtney turned back to Kara. "Anyway, we wanted you to know that we were thinking about you. How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling fine. Back to the office next Monday. Two months of desk duty to _recover_ seems a little extreme but that's what the people at the top have decreed."

"Burk seems to be enjoying playing Captain," Rick noted.

Kara laughed. After their return from Brazil, Carlton took only a week off before convincing Slattery to let him take the Nathan James out for a few short cruises, each no longer than ten days, with the stated goal of training new personnel. Although Command did often use the Nathan James as a training center given the experience of the crew, many of who had declined promotion to remain on the ship, Carlton's dedication to the cause had raised a few eyebrows. Kara, and apparently Rick, suspected that it had more to do with his current title than training a new crew. "That's for certain."

Stepping inside, Kara looked around. The bar was relatively empty but she waved to a few of the younger men who she recognized, including Ray Diaz. Ray's presence likely meant Kat was here and, sure enough, the young woman materialized by Kara's side almost immediately, beer in hand. Waving Courtney and Rick ahead, Kara gave Kat a hug.

Stepping back, Kat looked her up and down. "How are you doing, Kara? I wanted to come by and visit, but Dad said to give you a little time."

"Bored," Kara admitted. "There are only so many hours of bad television that I can watch. But if the choice is bad television or helping Alisha with wedding planning..."

Kat laughed. "I can imagine. Andrea said she was surprised that you didn't start stripping wallpaper and knocking out walls."

Suspecting that between Tex and Ray, Kat had a better idea than most of what actually went down in Brazil and how much "recovering" was happening, Kara let the topic go. "How is pilot training going?"

At Andrea's suggestion, Kat had applied to a number of civilian flight schools once her first enlistment ended. Given that she had prior experience on the Nathan James and plenty of flight hours already under her belt as a result of her rather unconventional upbringing, Kat was accepted at all three of the currently operating flight schools. Kara supposed the personal recommendation from Admiral Thomas Chandler had not hurt Kat's chances either. Still, the woman seemed to be taking school very seriously, having chosen Purdue over Embry Riddle despite the former being much further from Mayport - and therefore Ray.

"Good," Kat replied, following Kara as she found an empty booth. "I haven't told Dad already but once I'm certified, I'm applying to officer candidate school."

"If you need a recommendation..." Kara let the sentence hang.

"Thank you, Kara. That would be amazing." Kat beamed, falling silent when Rick and Courtney joined them at the booth, Rick sliding a beer in Kara's direction. Kara thanked him with a nod. Kat gestured towards the group of young men gathered at the bar. "This was a really good idea. Ray said all the guys were pumped to be singled out by Danny, especially after everything that happened while you were in Brazil. Although Bezio had to miss it because he got recalled to the ship. Danny promised him a re-do next month."

Kara glanced at Rick. "Perhaps we should plan events like this more often. It sounds like it might be good for morale."

Despite the fact that the Nathan James was never in any danger, and most of them knew that the cover story in the press was just that, the cruise had still be stressful. At least the crew hadn't been left in the dark during the fiasco. Neither Kara nor Carlton had forgotten what it was like being on the Nathan James back when the senior officers were still trying to keep the truth about the Red Flu under wraps. So, while the details of the operation remained confidential, Carlton had made it clear early on that the information being broadcast by the news was false and being used as a cover. Kara was thankful for his foresight as it made it easier not having to pretend to the crew that she was recovering from a kidnapping that never happened.

"Rick and I were talking about having some of the guys over for dinner in small groups. Maybe you could do something similar, Kara." Courtney enthused.

"That's a really good idea," Kara replied. And it was, something that Tom Chandler would have done back in the day. Actually, that made her wonder. "Maybe we can even spice it up and have Tom or Mike come by to say hello every so often."

"That would definitely encourage attendance," Kat replied, her amusement obvious. People might like Rick and Kara but Admiral Chandler and Captain Slattery were in a whole different league. Suddenly, Kat jumped up, her eyes fixed on the entrance.

"Well, the old man just arrived so time for me to scramble. Otherwise he'll spend all night trying to keep me away from Ray." The last was said with a role of her eyes. Tex could be a little bit of a stooge when it came to his only daughter's dating life, despite the fact that Ray and Kat had been seeing each other for almost five years now.

"Go on then." Kara said with a laugh. As Kat scampered off, she turned to Rick and Courtney, shaking her head. "Kids."

Vaguely, Kara wondered if she was ever that ... _young_. So positive and full of life despite all of the shit that life had thrown at the young woman, including the loss of her mother. At times like this, Kara felt a million years old. Everyone was expecting Ray and Kat to announce their engagement. Personally, Kara was surprised that Ray hadn't popped the question already but she imagined it had something to do with Kat living in another state for the next two years. Still, if Ray was going to stay in, he and Kat would have to figure out the ins and outs of a long-distance marriage. Again Kara wondered when she became so jaded that her immediate thought about a young couple like Kat and Ray was not about how much they loved each other, but the difficulty that they faced juggling two military careers.

Andrea slipped into the booth next to Kara. Kara looked over. "No Liam?"

"Nope," Andrea replied. "Tex talked Tom and Sasha into babysitting."

Kara raised an eyebrow at that but said nothing, suspecting that this wasn't a topic for a bar surrounded by gossipy sailors. Tex joined them a moment later with a round for the table. He wiggled his eyes at Andrea. "Any interest in dancing with an old man?"

"Hell no," Andrea replied without hesitation. "But Kara should go."

"Me?" Kara sputtered, choking on the sip of beer that she had just taken.

Andrea gestured towards the crowd hugging the bar. "Only one way to break the ice."

Suppressing a sigh as the recognized that Andrea was right, Kara stood. Her presence here tonight was a boon, an acknowledgment of the hard work of the six men who won their competition. But the mere fact that she was here was enough to put a damper on the evening, the sailors not quite as relaxed as they otherwise would be. A catch twenty-two, as it were. For the briefest of moments, Kara felt tired. Tired of being so isolated, unable to truly relax despite being in the company of some of her closest friends. Because even now, she was still the Captain of the Nathan James. One of the Vaccine Six. A hero. A role model.

_When she just wanted to be Kara._

As proud as she was of what she had achieved over the past five years, of all that she had done to fight the virus and the hurdles that followed, Kara was haunted by one of Mike Slattery's favorite sayings.

_At the end of the day, a leader acts alone._

Walking out onto the floor to take her place, she shot Tex a look. "You know that I hate line dancing."

"But you do look lovely twirling." Tex winked. Several sailors joined them on the floor as the music began and Kara could feel the mood lightening already. A few minutes later, Tex leaned over. "If I'm not mistaken, your number one fan just arrived."

Despite herself, Kara looked towards the entrance, eyes locking with Danny. He smiled and nodded in her direction before turning to the bar, slapping backs and bumping knuckles as he greeted the men. And in response the men glowed, hanging on every word Danny spoke, clearly proud to have been singled out. Kara's eyes were draw back to him over and over again as she danced.

_Watching as he bought the guys a round of drinks, after collecting their keys._

_Watching as he pulled each young man aside in turn, attentively listening as they spoke._

_Watching how he deftly handled the growing crowd, more sailors joining the initial group until it was three times the size._

An hour later, her feet screaming from dancing in heels, Kara was at the bar chatting with several of the enlisted men when she recognized some new arrivals. She reached forward to hug Mason and Bertrise. "I had no idea that you were in town!"

The two exchanged bashful looks. Then Bertrise beamed at Kara. "Will was asked to join the Michener as TAO."

Kara had known that Mason was in the running, had put in a recommendation, in fact. But she didn't know that the offer had been made and accepted. "Congratulations Will. You will be an asset to the ship and to Captain Meylan."

"I owe it all to you, Kara," Will replied, his quiet confidence such a contrast to the uncertain young man who first boarded the Nathan James so many years before. "You were a good teacher."

"You taught yourself, Will." Kara gave him a slap on the back. "Come on. Rick will want to hear the good news too."

Kara connected Will and Bertrise with Rick and Courtney, and then spent a few minutes chatting with O'Connor and Bacon, who had decided to make an appearance. She was at the bar talking to Ensign Kim - Max, Kara reminded herself - when someone stumbled into her back.

"Captain! Are you okay?" Max asked anxiously, glaring at someone behind her.

Kara waved off the concern. "No harm, no foul. But perhaps it's time for me to find my way back to my booth. It's getting rather crowded."

She made it only a few feet before she was stopped by a man who she didn't recognize. The closely cropped hair could mean military, but there was something about his demeanor that felt off. "Sorry about running into you Commander Foster. Guess I had a bit too much to drink."

"No harm. It's crowded." But he didn't appear sorry, or drink. Kara eased back. "Have we met?"

"I saw your picture in the paper," the man replied, sidestepping the question. He smiled, and there was something about his eyes that made Kara instantly wary. "Were you really kidnapped in Brazil?"

"Unfortunately, I can't discuss any of the events that took place in Brazil." Kara fought the urge to step back, keeping her smile fixed. "I didn't catch your name?"

"There were some rumors that the whole thing was staged," the man pressed, ignoring her question.

Catching a glimpse of Danny at the far end of the bar, apparently ordering a drink, Kara stepped sideways. "If you'll excuse me, I want to have a word with Commander Green."

As she approached, she could see Danny watching the man over her head. So apparently the odd interaction had not gone unnoticed. Sidling up next to him, Kara picked up Danny's beer, taking a long sip. She kept her voice low as she asked. "Do you recognize him?"

"No." Taking the bottle back, Danny took a drink of his own. Then his eyes dropped to focus on her. "Was he bothering you?"

Kara shrugged. "Asking some questions that shouldn't be asked but..."

"Yeah, I've had a few too." Danny shrugged. Leaning back against the wall, he made a slow perusal of her appearance and Kara could feel her face growing warm. "You look nice."

She attempted to cover her blush with another drink. "Thanks. Tonight was a good idea. Rick and I were thinking that we should do this sort of thing more often."

"It's good for team building," Danny agreed, shifting effortlessly from the personal to the professional. "I used to do a lot of this back at Little Creek. It's harder with a crew of two-hundred, but if anyone can make it work, it's you."

Kara warmed under the praise. Danny's arm slid around Kara's back, maneuvering her until her back was against the wall and he was between her and the surging crowd. She glanced up, only then realizing how close they were standing. From the way that Danny's eyes were glittering, she wasn't the only one who had noticed. Kara once again took the beer, lifting it to her lips, their gaze locked as she took a sip. Imagining what he would do if she closed the last few inches between them, rising to her tiptoes and pressing her lips against his. Whether he would taste the same as the beer they were sharing...

"Sir?"

The moment was shattered by Seaman Edwin Lunny. The flicker of irritation that crossed his face quickly masked, Danny turned to greet the young man. "Just Danny tonight, remember?"

"Danny, yes sir, I mean, yes, I mean..."

Danny signaled the bartender. "Two more beers. And a mojito for the Commander here."

Kara raised an eyebrow. She had told Danny she liked those more than five years ago, back in the Arctic. But she rarely indulgent. In fact, she didn't recall the last time she had one. And it certainly had not been somewhere with Danny. She studied him from the corner of her eye as Edwin blushed furiously. "Thank you...Danny. I was hoping to ask you about why you left the Nathan James. I mean, you told us all how much you enjoyed serving under Captain Slattery. Why did you join Delta?"

Having retrieved the almost empty bottle from Kara, Danny finished it off with a single gulp. "That's a good question, Lunny. It really came down to where I thought that I could do the most good. You may not know this but Agent Cooper operated from the Nathan James initially. We got to work together for almost a year before I had to make a decision. By then we had enough sailors to keep the Nathan James afloat but we were very low on ground teams. So it was a natural transition."

"Could someone else join?"

Kara could almost see the stars in Edwin's eyes as he stared at Danny, but again Danny took the question seriously. "If that's the path you want, give me a call over the next couple of weeks and we can map out the path you would have to take. It's a lot of work but definitely possible."

"That would be amazing!" Edwin gushed. "Wait until I tell the other guys."

"More the merrier if anyone else is interested," Danny added. Kara bit on her lip to stop herself from giggling, sipping on her mojito as Edwin walked away. Danny glanced at her. "What?"

"You make a good teacher, Green." Kara brushed her hand across Danny's arm as she moved away from the bar. "It's cute. Maybe you should do more of it."

She barely heard his response as she walked back towards her booth. "Maybe I will."


	13. Doubts

"Which one should I wear?" Kara balanced the phone between her ear and shoulder, holding a blue shirt against her chest. She immediately threw it into the reject pile. _Too Navy_.

"The black skirt and green shirt," Alisha answered without hesitation. "Where is he taking you?"

"That homestyle Italian place Carlton likes," Kara replied absently, shimmying into the knee-length flared black skirt and a jade green blouse as she considered Alisha's recommendation. "Maybe jeans instead?"

"No," Alisha didn't hesitate. "Definitely the skirt. Easier access."

Kara choked. "Alisha!"

"I give it fifty-fifty that you even leave the house given how Danny was looking at you in those pictures from Brazil." Alisha chuckled. "You looked stunning in the gown by the way. And don't think that I failed to notice said gown's absence from your wardrobe. I was right, wasn't I? After he saw you looking like that he couldn't keep any part of his anatomy off _or out of_ you."

Kara flushed, unable to stop herself from remembering exactly what happened to her gown. "Alisha, focus please."

"Salacious details always help me focus." Alisha chuckled. "Like I said, green shirt and skirt. There are no other options. Honestly, the rest of your wardrobe is atrocious. If you and Green really make a go of this, we need to do more shopping."

"Mmmmmm." Kara considered the outfit. It was nice but... "I think jeans would be better. I don't want to look like I'm trying too hard."

There was the clatter of something - dishes perhaps - in the background, followed by a muffled curse. "Okay, spill. What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong," Kara replied. "I just needed help picking an outfit."

"I know that tone of voice Kara. It's the one you used right before kicking Stephan to the curb," Alisha argued. "Are you thinking about cancelling? Because Green's supposed to pick you up in less than two hours and this is going to be really awkward if..."

"No!" The word was wrenched from Kara's throat. _God, she didn't want to cancel. She just..._ Kara flopped backwards on the bed, pulling her pillow to her chest. "I don't want to cancel. I don't. But, at the same time, I'm worried that we are making a huge mistake. My relationship with Danny was a train wreck five years ago. What makes me think that this time will be different?"

"Oh, jolly gee, you're worried about a relationship not working out. Sounds like you better cancel the first date then," Alisha replied tartly.

Kara scowled. "Sarcasm does not suit you."

Alisha sighed. "Hold on a second."

Again there was banging and Kara wondered what the hell Alisha was doing. Then she was back. "Look, Kara, you are the most independent person who I have ever met. Goal oriented. Self-sufficient. Secure in who you are and what you want. And those aren't bad things. But they also mean that you don't do uncertainty or risk well. And dating is risky. Dating Danny is especially risky because the two of you have so much history. Frankly, getting involved with him in the first place is the craziest thing that you've ever done and we all know how it ended. So no surprise that you're getting cold feet about trying again. But Green's made it clear that he's all in and if you aren't willing to take a leap of faith, then you should break it off now before it gets even messier."

_Damn Alisha for being so insightful._ Because she wasn't wrong. If there was one thing that Kara hated, it was not being in control.

Kara stood back up, focusing on hanging the rejected clothing back in her closet. "In other words, you think that I'm a commitment-phobe."

Alisha snorted, and that time there was definitely the flush of a toilet. Kara rolled her eyes. There was something about living with someone that made you ignore social conventions such as not peeing while talking on the phone. "Whatever you do, do _not_ let Debbie get into your head. And no, I don't. There is a difference between being opposed to commitment and opposed to risk. You have good reasons to be anxious about this. Whether or not he intended to, Danny hurt you. Trying to protect yourself from getting hurt again is natural. You're only human, Kara."

Kara nibbled on her lip as she considered Alisha's words. "I want to try again. I do."

"Then go on the date. Forget about the past for tonight and just have fun. Let things develop naturally," Alisha replied, before adding. "And wear the skirt."

"You're sure?" Kara asked, still waffling.

"I'm sure," Alisha replied. "Consider this. When have I ever steered you wrong?"

xxxxx

Alisha was right, of course. The look that Danny gave Kara upon picking her up exactly at 1900, flowers in hand, had been sizzling. Although Alisha had been wrong on another point. Danny didn't so much as kiss Kara, never mind try to convince her to cancel their reservations in favor of take-out and sex. Instead Danny waited on the porch while Kara deposited the mix of wildflowers in water and then drove them the short distance to the restaurant. It was casual-chic, the kind of place she could imagine Danny frequenting regularly.

"Hey Green! Grab a seat anywhere."

Danny nodded, giving the host a fist-bump as they entered. Kara looked around the restaurant as Danny led her towards a corner tucked in the back. She waited for the host to leave their menus before speaking. "Come here often?"

Danny glanced up, and Kara thought there was a flicker of amusement in his eyes. "Whenever I'm in town."

Before she could respond, their waiter appeared. "A tallboy, Green?" Danny nodded. "And for you, ma'am?"

Kara caught the curiosity in the waiter's gaze as she ordered. "A diet coke, please."

Once the man was gone, Kara turned back to Danny, hearing the edge in her voice. "Do they all know Laura too?"

That amusement was back, this time Danny's lips actually curving. "I've never brought Laura here. Carlton panicked after the time that Wolf and Azima joined us and the bartender asked Carlton if Azima was his girlfriend and barred all women from the place so that she wouldn't think he was attached. It totally pisses Azima off, by the way, so don't mention that I took you here unless you want her to start plotting my death."

Caught off guard, Kara blurted out the first thing that came to mind. " _This_ is where Lizzie works?"

Danny grinned, leaning across the table conspiratorially. "I don't know why Carlton doesn't just ask her out already. He's here every week for the last year, except when you're deployed. It's like watching a puppy mope. Funny, but kind of sad."

Giggling, Kara tried to discreetly check out the bar. The woman there was petite, dark spiral curls piled on the top of her head. Definitely Carlton's type. "Is that her?"

Danny nodded without looking. "What are you in the mood for? The spaghetti is good, and the chicken pot pie is Bacon's recipe."

"Bacon gave out a recipe?" The idea was mind-blowing.

"In exchange for free lunch for life," Danny replied. "La Top is just down the street."

Kara nodded. She had been to La Top, Bacon's newest restaurant, several times, most recently with Stephan. Bacon never turned away a member of the crew, even when the place was packed. "I definitely think that Bacon got the short end of that stick. People would seriously kill for some of Bacon's recipes."

Fiddling with the menu, Danny seemed suddenly uncertain. "I thought about going somewhere a little nicer tonight but the options were a bit limited."

xxxxx

_"Is something wrong?" Stephan frowned at Kara over the top of his menu and Kara forced herself to look at him, away from the cozy scene that was playing out across Chez Peter._

_"No, all good." She smiled, but Stephan had already turned to see what caught her attention._

_"I didn't know that Carlton would be here tonight," he commented, lifting his hand to wave, forcing Kara to follow suit. "Should we go say hello?"_

_Although it was the very last thing she wanted to do, Kara allowed Stephan to pull out her chair and followed him across the restaurant to the large table where Carlton sat with Wolf, Azima, Erik, Courtney, Danny and Laura. Stephan smiled warmly at Carlton. "Carlton and Erik, good to see you again. And you're looking as beautiful as ever, Courtney. I don't believe that I know the rest of your friends."_

_Realizing that there was going to be no help from her team - Carlton looked like he was about to choke on a lemon and Erik was noticeably sweating - Kara spoke up. "Stephan, please meet Wolf Foster, Azima Kandi, Danny Green and Laura Pearson. Wolf, Danny and I served together on the Nathan James." She paused. "Happy birthday, Danny."_

_"Thank you." Danny held out his hand to Stephan. "Nice to meet you as well. I've heard good things."_

_She hated how smooth his voice was, how his hands never trembled. As though he was expecting this to happen. Which, she supposed, he probably was given that he had chosen to violate their unspoken-but-understood-by-all agreement and come here, to Peter's restaurant. A place that was supposed to be safe. Kara fought the urge to_ _turn around and walk out. Not only would Stephan be concerned (because, frankly, she didn't really care) but, Peter was sure to tell Debbie about the incident. And the last thing Kara needed was her mother getting involved - again - in her relationships._

_Fortunately, Stephan seemed oblivious to the tension in the group. "A celebration! Well, this is the place to be. Peter makes a mean chocolate cake."_

_"I've been wanting to come here for ages," Laura gushed. "I was thrilled when I got the reservation."_

_Well, Kara supposed that did explain why Danny - or Carlton or Rick - hadn't nixed this plan in the bud. They probably hadn't known where they were going until they were already here and, even then, how do you explain to the current girlfriend that you have to ditch your birthday party because the place where you were going was owned by your ex-girlfriend's stepfather? Besides, Danny probably ran the odds and figured that it would be fine. After all, Kara and Stephan were only here because the fundraiser that they were scheduled to attend was cancelled last minute._

_Unable to listen to the polite chit-chat for another second, Kara was just about to extradite herself when Peter exited the kitchen. Kara didn't know whether to scream or cry as he made a beeline for them. So much for hoping that Debbie wouldn't hear about this little run-in. Although listening to Debbie gush over Danny couldn't possibly be worse than staying here._

_"Kara, I'm sorry to break up the party but Debbie has been looking for you. You must have forgotten to turn on your cell again." Peter nodded politely at the group. "Stephan, do you think you could drop her off at the house?"_

_Stephen quickly hid his confusion. The ultimate political fixer. Never thrown by anything. "Of course."_

_Kara managed to get through the goodbyes, listening to Stephan and Peter's polite chatter. Having gathered her purse, she paused at the doorway, glancing back at Danny. Blue eyes meeting green. And she couldn't help but wonder if the hint of sadness that she thought she saw on his face was real, or just her imagination. Wondering what it would have been like if she were the one sitting at that table next to Danny. Surrounded by friends. A four-year-old tucked between them, allowed to stay up late to celebrate his daddy's thirty-fifth birthday._

_Wondering whether Danny might be imagining the same._

xxxxx

Kara suddenly realized that she wasn't the only one feeling a little anxious tonight. Danny might be a little less risk averse, as Alisha would say, or not afraid of commitment, as Debbie would argue, but that didn't mean he was blind to the potential pitfalls of trying again. Oddly, the thought was reassuring.

"This is perfect. Nothing could possibly beat Bacon's chicken pot pie." Kara reached across the table to squeeze his hand. She waited until their drinks had arrived, along with bread, and they had both ordered to speak again. "Can you imagine if we went to Chez Peter? Debbie would definitely have found a way to crash the party."

Danny laughed, and his shoulders relaxed slightly. "The day after we got back, she and Peter showed up with food and you should have seen my face. Don't get me wrong, the food was amazing, but I was hung over and the place was filled with beer cans and empty takeout containers. Wolf and Azima were asleep on the couch and Rick was having a full-on panic attack over something. Debbie actually offered to clean the place if I wasn't feeling up to it. Such a farce."

Despite her irritation with Debbie over the visit to Danny, one that she managed to make before seeing her own daughter, Kara found her lips twitching. "She insisted on staying with me for almost a week. I've never wanted to kill someone so much in my life. All she wanted to talk about were wedding plans. I swear that everyone I know is getting married."

"Yeah, we've sort of hit that age." A shadow passed over Danny's face and Kara wondered if he was thinking about Laura. "I was happy to hear that Debbie finally found someone to settle down with."

Kara set down the bread she was eating. "What does that mean?"

Danny blinked, and Kara wondered if she had come across as too harsh. "Nothing, really. Just that being widowed so young must have been tough for Debbie. I'm glad that she has Peter now."

Kara opened her mouth, only to close it. Funny how she had never really considered how hard the death of her father would have been on Debbie, or what Debbie might have been like before. _Probably more like the Debbie of today_ , Kara realized. The very woman who seemed like a stranger to Kara probably closer to the Debbie of old. Uncomfortable with the thought, Kara pushed it away. "I'm happy for her and Peter. Just not sure about planning a bachelorette party for my mother."

"I hear that," Danny replied with a chuckle. He took a drink from his beer. "Anyway, tell me what's going on at Command. I heard a rumor that Val was threatening to quit."

Relieved at the change of topic, Kara quickly launched into a description of Val's complaints about Meylan's, as Val termed it, _complete and utter lack of imagination or creativity_. Three hours later, food finished and awkward topics mostly avoided, Kara's stomach was full of butterflies. The chicken pot pie was, of course, amazing and the crème brulee that Danny recommended for dessert was everything he had promised. Still, as the evening drew to a close, she could sense the awkwardness creeping in. As though neither one of them was entirely sure what to do. They were both quiet as Danny handed her into his truck for the short drive to her house. As they pulled up to the front door, Kara fiddled with her seatbelt.

Danny reached over to grasp her hand. "Hey, where did you go?"

"I..." she stopped, feeling the heat flood her body as his eyes dipped to where she was worrying her lip. "Did you want to come in?"

"I _want_ to," Danny replied, "but I'm not going to."

That caught her off guard, her eyes snapping to his, trying to figure out where he was going with this. "Is this about what I said on the Nathan James? About wondering whether our relationship was based on sex..." Kara trailed off, uncertain of what to say next.

Danny tapped a finger on the steering wheel. "No, not entirely anyway. We kind of did everything backwards last time. I don't want to do that again. So dinner. We talk and I pick up the check. We got that part right. Now some first date nervousness. A kiss at the door. And then I go home."

"First date nervousness?" Kara asked, giggling at the incredulousness of the idea. She knew this man inside and out, had every inch of him wrapped around her. _First date?_

"Yup," Danny nodded solemnly. Getting out of the truck, he was at her door in a minute, continuing the conversation. "You know the kind where you spend the whole night worrying about broccoli in your teeth and if your breath smells bad when you go in for that kiss?"

She rolled her eyes as she gathered her things and stood up. "I've seen you go three weeks without a shower. Believe me, your breath was much worse then."

"Not the same thing at all." They had reached her door and Danny leaned against the wall, arms across his chest. "So, do I get a second date?"

"Oh no," Kara shook her head, mock seriously. "First you have to kiss me. Then say you'll call. Which you won't do. But you'll text right about ..." Kara trailed off, tapping a hand on her chin, "Tuesday. So you don't seem too eager but don't wait so long that I don't make other plans."

She had forgotten how quickly Danny could move, as an instant later he was sliding an arm around her waist, tugging her towards him, his mouth descending to brush hers softly. The feathery touch driving her wild. "Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?"

Kara flushed, running a hand across the shoulder of his polo. "You don't look so bad yourself."

She raised her hands to slide them into his hair, to hold him in place for a proper kiss, ready to tell him to hell with dating. But Danny pulled away. "Tuesday then."

A hand drifted towards her lips as she watched him walk back to the truck. "Tuesday."

Thirty minutes later, Kara was in the process of flipping through channels, still smiling, when her phone buzzed.

_Is it Tuesday yet?_


	14. Lessons of the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for discussion of attempted suicide.

"So," Alisha demanded, lifting a slice of pizza to her lips, "how's dating life?"

Kara couldn't stop a grin. "It's good. We're going out again tonight."

"That will be what, date four? And still no sexy time?" Alisha asked, eyebrows waggling.

xxxxx

_Danny pulled into the driveway of Kara's house and they both sat, silently. Kara turned to look at him, biting on her bottom lip. "You're welcome to come in..."_

_"If I were anyone else, would you ask?" he replied, with a knowing smile._

_Kara chuckled, cheered by the realization of how well Danny knew her - even if she was frustrated as hell. "Probably not."_

_"Then the answer is no," Danny replied. He reached up to rub at his chin before shooting her a mischievous smile. "Although it's been a long time since I made out in the front seat of a car."_

_With that he turned towards Kara, catching her face in his hand and brushing his lips against hers. Kara sighed, leaning forward, her lips parting. He took immediate advantage, tongue brushing hers, his free hand reaching out to tug her closer along the seat. Kara moved willingly, arms reaching up to encircle him, only to find the pocket of her cute new maroon capris were stuck on the seatbelt. Pulling away with a huff, Kara broke the kiss, quickly untangled herself. Once free, she glanced up to find Danny watching her, waiting, apparently, for her to make the next move._

_Making a snap decision, Kara swung her leg over his lap so that she was wedged between him and the steering wheel. "Any chance this seat moves back?"_

_Danny chuckled, leaning forward to nibble her lips while he played with the levers. "I think I can manage that."_

_As the seat reclined, Kara wondered what her neighbors would think about staid and respectable Captain Kara Foster getting frisky in the front seat of some guy's truck. She giggled._

_"Planning to let me in on the joke?" Danny asked, hand sliding through her hair as his mouth moved to the sensitive spot behind her ear._

_Kara was breathless, sinking down against his chest, already a puddle of goo. The slow, languid kisses doing crazy things to her stomach, as well as other parts of her anatomy. "How much do you want to bet that Carlton hears about this and gives us both shit?"_

_Danny kissed his way along her jaw until he reached her mouth. A breath away he paused, then grinned. "Totally worth it."_

xxxxx

Kara took another bite of her pizza as she considered Alisha's question. "Danny was right. We've always fallen back on sex to avoid dealing with things. Taking a break is good but..."

"That hard?" Alisha asked, sympathetically. "I heard from Carlton that he stumbled into a rather steamy PDA session."

"Hardly public. He was the one who thought it would be a good idea to come to my house to find out whether Danny's truck was there," Kara retorted, before relenting. "But oh my god, yes. It's like being back on the Nathan James."

"Well, only two more sex-less dates to go," Alisha said, far too cheerfully. "Does Danny know?"

"Know what?"

"That date six is sex night," Alisha elaborated.

"Of course not," Kara replied. "It's not a rule."

"Um-huh." Alisha gave Kara the look. The one that told Kara she wasn't fooling anyone. "So, when was the last time that you had sex before date six? Other than Danny in Brazil. Oh, and in the Arctic. And St. Louis... Did you hook up in Rota too?"

Kara glowered, ignoring the last question. "I don't always have sex on the sixth date either. Sometimes I wait."

"True." Alisha nodded. "But that's always a sign. If there's no nookie on date six, there's not going to be any nookie. Admit it Kara, you are a woman of routine."

"There are times when I hate you," Kara muttered.

Alisha just smirked. "So where is Danny taking you tonight?"

"I don't know," Kara admitted, happy to change the conversation. "He won't tell me."

Alisha raised an eyebrow. "And you agreed to that? You hate surprises. Remember when Carlton thought that a surprise thirtieth birthday party was a good idea?"

"Ugh," Kara actually shivered. "Thank goodness you tipped me off. Otherwise I probably would have shot someone when I walked into the house and you all jumped out from behind the couch."

"I blame Debbie for encouraging him," Alisha said, sighing. "Anyway, back to Danny. He really didn't tell you?"

"Nope. But I texted him asking him what I should wear. Hopefully that gives me a hint," Kara replied.

Pulling out her phone, she checked for a response but once again, nothing. That was unusual since Danny tended to have his phone on him all the time unless he was working. Still, there was really no reason to worry. There were a hundred reasons why Danny hadn't answered her text of, Kara checked her watch, three hours ago. _Including that he was_ _breaking up with her, ghosting her, deploying without warning, kidnapped, dying,_ _dead..._

"What did he say?" Alisha asked, voice teasing.

"He hasn't responded." Kara fiddled with her phone for a moment before typing out a quick text. There were times when she missed being on the Nathan James. Back when she knew where Danny was almost every second of every day. Or, at least, knew why he wasn't responding.

_You alive?_

The answer was almost immediate.

_Just leaving the gym. No dress code tonight._

Then, a moment later, another message.

_Although probably not heels._

Kara felt her shoulders relax, glancing up to see Alisha watching her closely. "He was at the gym."

"It's okay to worry about him," Alisha bit her lip, hesitating, and Kara braced herself. "I know that you and Danny are taking the idea of starting over very seriously. And I'm glad that you're having fun. But that doesn't mean you ignore the past, Kara. He hurt you before."

"I broke up with him," Kara interjected, halfheartedly, knowing that Alisha wouldn't care.

"Tomayto, tomahto." Alisha shrugged. "So you hurt him too. Point is, that if you want things to work this time, you need to tell him what you need out of a relationship. And, yes, there are going to be times when Danny can't tell you where he is or what he is doing. But he should know how important it is to you that he keeps you in the loop."

Kara fiddled with her phone, then set it aside and reached for her pizza. "I'll talk to him."

Alisha rolled her eyes. "Fine. Do whatever you want. But I'm telling you. Ignoring this stuff is only going to come back to bite you in the ass."

xxxxx

"Are you going to tell me where we are going?" Kara asked as she climbed into Danny's truck several hours later.

Danny chuckled. "You never did like surprises."

He closed her door, cutting off conversation while he walked around the truck. Kara crossed her arms, mock scowling at him as he sat down in the driver's seat. "So?"

"So I thought we could do some target practice," Danny replied. Kara opened her mouth to respond, only to quickly shut it, feeling rather disappointed. She went to the range regularly with the guys. Tonight she was hoping for something a little more special. Something more _girlfriend_ than _friend_. Danny glanced sideways. "You're kind of quiet."

"Just thinking that I wore the wrong shoes," Kara said quickly, forcing a smile.

"I'm going to have to disagree with you there," Danny replied, and the memory of how his eyes slid over her when she opened the door, not bothering to hide his appreciation for the casual green sundress and gold gladiator sandals that she was wearing, buoying Kara's mood. So maybe the shooting range wasn't exactly her idea of the perfect date but so what? It wasn't as if Danny picked something that she hated. Was she really going to make a big deal over such a little detail?

As the truck slowed and then hung a right, Kara glanced around in confusion. Rather than heading towards the base or even the shooting range next to the supermarket where Kara had spent a fair number of afternoons with Carlton and Rick, Danny was heading in the direction of a private lake surrounded by small camps. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

She thought that she heard a note of amusement in his voice. She narrowed her eyes. "You did promise me food, you know."

Danny clucked his tongue, reaching behind the seat to pick up a lined bag and passing it to her. Peeking inside, Kara could see that it was filled with boxes from their favorite Chinese restaurant. "You really need to stop being so suspicious, Kara. It's not like I'm going to let you starve or dump you by the side of the road or something."

They both froze, the words hanging between them. Danny was the first to speak. "Shit, I'm sorry. That came out wrong."

Kara stared out the window, blinking away tears. Alisha's words from earlier burning in her mind, her advice about not ignoring the past. Alisha had been talking about Danny, of course, but those weren't Kara's only wounds. There were others, deeper than any that Danny might have inflicted. Because by the time that Kara met Danny, she had known better than to completely trust anyone.

Kara took a deep breath. "When I was little, Debbie would tell me that she had a surprise for me. I would get all excited, thinking that we were going to Disney World or getting a pony. And then she would introduce me to her new boyfriend, or I would find out that we were moving - again. I was six and my best friend's cat had kittens and I had been begging for one. It was right before Christmas and Debbie kept talking about how awesome my gift was and how much I was going to love it. I was so sure that Santa was going to bring me a kitten..."

xxxxx

_Six-year-old Kara bounced out of bed, shivering at the chill in the air. Still, she could see the light shining through the window. That meant it was morning! Christmas morning! She was going to get her kitten!_

_Hurrying down the stairs, Kara was disappointed to see that the Christmas tree was dark, no presents underneath. She felt a moment of panic. Mommy had said that Santa wouldn't come unless she was a good girl. Had Santa put her on the naughty list?_

_And then she realized - you couldn't put a kitten under the tree! The kitten might get hurt or hungry or lonely. Santa would have known that. He must have left the kitten with Mommy._

_Relieved, Kara slipped back upstairs. She glanced towards Mommy's door, which was closed. Mommy must still be asleep. Kara was disappointed but she knew that Mommy hated to be woken up so she crawled back into her bed, picking up the book on kittens that Jennifer had given her on the last day of school before winter break. Kara had been sad that she didn't have anything to give Jennifer, but Jennifer's mommy said that was okay because she had two of the kitten books and one was for Kara and one was for Jennifer so they could read them together._

_Jennifer's kitten was gray with a black nose. Kara was hoping for a kitten just like Fluffy. Or maybe a white kitten she could name Snowball. As the sun rose higher and higher, Kara started wiggling. When would Mommy wake up?_

_She climbed out of bed again, tip-toeing down the hall and listening at Mommy's door. Glancing at the grandfather clock at the end of the hall, Kara tried to figure out what time it was but she couldn't remember whether she was supposed to look at the big hand or the little hand first. She thought it was the little hand and that was at the ten so Mommy should be awake by now. Kara cracked the door open, just to see if Mommy was awake, but instead of being asleep in bed, Mommy was lying on the floor._

_"Mommy!"_

_Throwing open the door, Kara raced across the floor, almost slipping in a puddle of liquid that was all over the floor. Had the toilet overflowed? But then, why were her socks red? Kara leaned over Mommy but she didn't respond when Kara shook her, the way she sometimes had to do when Mommy got sick and threw up. Backing up, Kara raced downstairs to the telephone, calling Papa Paul. He would know what to do._

_Later, once the ambulance and the police officers left and Kara was dressed in new clothes, Kara crawled up next to Papa Paul on the couch with her kitten book held tightly in her hands. Papa Paul coughed really loudly when she sat on his lap so she made sure to leave some space between them, leaning her head on his shoulder. She looked at the Christmas tree again. Papa Paul must have turned on the lights, but there were still no presents. "Santa isn't real, is he?"_

_Papa Paul looked at Kara and she almost thought that he had been crying. But that was silly. Papa Paul didn't cry. "No, Kara, he's not."_

_Kara looked down at her book again. "And Mommy didn't get me a kitten."_

_"No, Kara. But I talked to Mrs. Corum," that was Jennifer's mom and Kara brightened at the reminder of her friend, "and she said that we can pick out one of the kittens to keep at my house."_

_Kara frowned. She wanted the kitten to live with her. But what if Mommy got sick again and the kitten got scared? Papa Paul was right. Kara had to take care of her kitten. After all, that's what kitten mommies did. It would be better if the kitten stayed at Papa's house. "Okay Papa."_

_Papa Paul didn't answer and Kara opened up her book. Papa Paul was like that sometimes. Really quiet. Mrs. Corum said it was because he was grieving. Kara didn't know what that meant but she didn't ask. Grownups didn't like it when you asked questions like that. But Kara couldn't stop herself from asking one more question. "Papa, what will happen to my kitten if you die? I don't think that I can take care of her myself. Not yet. Maybe when I'm ten."_

_This time Kara knew that Papa was crying and she carefully scooted over to give him a big hug. "I don't know, honey. I don't know."_

xxxxx

"I take it that you didn't get a kitten?" Danny asked softly.

"No, I didn't." Kara took a deep breath. "Debbie got drunk and ... slit her wrists. I found her on Christmas morning."

Just getting the words out hurt. Danny knew about Debbie's drinking, of course, but he had never experienced it. Never seen what Debbie was like when she drank, turning into a different person. Now that she thought about it, Kara wasn't sure that she had ever told anyone about Debbie's suicide attempt. Jennifer knew by virtue of having lived through it but Jennifer and Danny had never met. Hell, Kara hadn't seen her childhood friend in years, not since her trip to Kansas almost five years ago. Looking to see what - and who - remained.

"God, Kara." The horror in his voice was almost worse than the words.

She was suddenly glad that they were driving, and she could stare out the window. Seeing his face right now would be ... too much. "Paul, my grandfather, had emphysema. Of course, I didn't understand what that meant then. But he was dying. Debbie couldn't handle it. Losing her husband and then her father. Saddled with a small child to take care of."

"Was that the only time..." Danny trailed off, as though uncertain of what, if anything, to say.

"As far as I know," Kara answered, picking at her nails. "I think it scared Debbie, honestly. She got some help. It just wasn't enough to stop the drinking."

Danny hooked a left, pulling into the driveway of a small cabin. He put the truck into park and just sat there. Kara glanced over. "Is this the part where you need me to go ask for directions?"

Kara expected a smile or a joke or...something. But instead Danny turned, reaching out a hand to brush a strand of hair off her face. "I'm sorry about what you went through. And I'm sorry that I never asked about your childhood. I had no idea that things were so bad."

She blinked. "Danny, I don't talk about this with _anyone_. Not even Alisha. Although I wouldn't be surprised to find out that Val knows. I'm pretty sure that she has jackets on all of us, just because."

That drew a small smile. "I guess that explains why you don't like surprises."

"Yeah."

Danny bit down on his lip, as though he was uncertain, before he spoke again. "Is that why there is so much tension between you and Debbie? Because of your childhood? Because of the drinking?"

Kara shouldn't have been surprised, wasn't surprised if she was honest, that Danny had picked up on some of her dynamic with Debbie. Carlton was oblivious, of course, but Alisha was well aware of the strain.

"It's more..." she paused. _How could she explain something that she didn't understand herself?_ "The Debbie that you know - that everyone knows - she isn't the one that I grew up with. Most of the time she doesn't really feel like my mother at all. I mean, she is. But kind of like a second mother who I didn't meet until that day in Norfolk." Kara sighed, shaking her head. "I doubt any of that makes sense."

"Actually it does," Danny replied. "I've talked to Tex a lot about stuff with Kat. He struggles with it, knowing that he missed a lot of time that he'll never get back, and how it changed his relationship with her. He says that she treats him the same way that she treats Andrea. More like a guardian than a parent."

"I can see that," Kara said slowly. True, Debbie hadn't physically left for years the way that Tex had, but she had been busy fighting her own demons and there hadn't always been time left for Kara. "It's like she has this whole other life with Peter and her job. Now she's busy planning a wedding. I don't always feel like I fit."

"That's fair," Danny acknowledged. "Have you ever talked to her about it?"

"God, no. Debbie and I never discuss anything the least bit controversial," Kara blurted, only to sigh. "She tried once. Back in St. Louis. I wasn't ready. And Peter has suggested that we talk about ... things. I just don't know if I can."

Danny studied her. "Well, if you ever want to talk, I'm here. You know that, right?"

"I know." Feeling slightly uncomfortable, Kara gestured towards the camp in front of them. "Why are we here anyway?"

Apparently recognizing that Kara was done with the discussion, Danny didn't protest the change of topic. "A buddy owns this camp and boat. He's stationed in Europe but gave me free reign. I thought a sunset boat ride would be nice. If the bugs get bad, we can eat inside the cabin."

Actually, that did sound nice, the Florida heat having finally become more manageable. _That said_. "So no shooting range?"

Danny glanced sideways and this time she saw a real smile. "You nicknamed the Nathan James' armory after the guy you dumped immediately after he took you to the range for a date. Once they found out, Sasha and Azima must have spent an hour mocking him. I have since been informed that _no woman_ wants to go on a date that involves a physical competition unless said competition involves sex and that doing so is a sure sign of lack of imagination. But you should have seen your face when I said where we were going..."

Kara yanked open the door to the truck and stepped down, leaving Danny to manage the food and supplies himself. Still, as she started down the path down to the lake, she found herself smiling. She didn't remember seeing this playful side of Danny since the Arctic.

Maybe she didn't hate all surprises, after all.


	15. Daring to Dream

"I'm heading over to the Howards to drop off some clothes and personal items. Do you want to come?" Andrea asked as they finished their coffee. The question casual, and yet so loaded.

_Did Kara want to go visit an orphanage?_

Not that they called them orphanages anymore. They were _group homes_. Kara could recall the arguments between President Michener and Allison Shaw on the issue, one of the few times that Kara saw Jeffrey truly passionate about a proposal - perhaps because of his obvious guilt over the deaths of his own children. Jeffrey had flat out rejected Allison's initial suggestion that up to fifty "unaccompanied minors" be housed in a college dorm with two or three dorm parents, comparing it to jail and insisting that children under sixteen needed a family environment in order to thrive. Instead, Michener established a specialized task force to address the problem, one that survived his death and Shaw's coup, the result of which was the creation of a national foster care system. Kara recalled few of the rules, except for the one that prioritized keeping children who were found together, and not merely siblings, together. A rule that Kara herself suggested with Ray Diaz and his group from Alabama in mind.

Kara bit down on her lip. Since their conversation on the Nathan James, Danny hadn't raised the topic of children again and, other than talking to Andrea, Kara had been content to backburner the issue. After all, no point in worrying about children while she was still figuring out how permanent of an addition that Danny was to her life.

_Except_ , Alisha's voice cut into Kara's thoughts, _you already know what you want. You're just afraid to admit it._

Kara scowled. Damn that girl and her ability to get into Kara's head. Because, as usual, Alisha was right. Spending so much time with Danny again made it virtually impossible to stop old plans and dreams from creeping back in. Making Kara wish that she could be that naïve girl again, the one who truly believed that, in the end, things would work out.

Still, a visit hardly committed Kara to anything. Frankly, she didn't even need to tell Danny - or anyone else - if she went to see the Howards. And if it were to come out, Kara had the perfect excuse. After all, Andrea could hardly be expected to deal with all of these boxes herself _and_ watch Liam. The fact that Kara had never gone before, never considered going before, not until Danny raised the possibility...

She was startled when Andrea started laughing. "You should see the look on your face right now. Like an overheating engine. Anyway, at least help me load the boxes. I'm not as young as I used to be."

Kara bent down to pick up one of the boxes filled with clothing, household supplies, and dry food, making a snap decision. "Sorry, I got distracted. I would like to see the place. How often do you go anyway?"

"About once a month," Andrea replied as they lugged the first set of boxes down to the car. "Either Tex and I used to go weekly when the kids from the Alabama camp were still there. Kat got close to them, you know, while they were all on the James. But Lexi was the youngest and since she moved out we only go about once a month. Just to make sure they have enough supplies and to visit."

"Why did the Howards move from St. Louis?" Kara asked, waiting for her turn to deposit the boxes in the trunk of Andrea's SUV.

"Pretty sure they followed Ray and Colby," Andrea replied. "Ray was old enough that he was never officially in care and Colby joined the Navy about six months later. They used to stay with the Howards between enlistments to visit the younger kids. They got very close. I think Ray, in particular, reminded the Howards of their own son, who died early on."

Kara let that settle as she followed Andrea back to the house for a second load. Wondering how very difficult it would have been for the Howards to open their home to a bunch of strangers only months after losing their own child. "I'm surprised that these homes still exist. These kids would have been what? Twelve or younger when the virus hit? There were no families to take them in?"

"Most of the kids who are still in care were at summer camp or school when the virus hit hard and fast," Andrea explained. "After the dust cleared, the lucky ones had family or friends who came looking for them. But for most of them, there wasn't anyone left."

Kara recalled what Danny said about Laura being a teacher. _Had she seen children that she knew orphaned? Was that what got Danny thinking about this option?_

"I remember Michener putting a moratorium on adoptions," Kara noted. The decision was controversial, with so many children living informally with others. But Jeffrey felt strongly that parents should have the opportunity to look for their missing children, another decision no doubt colored by his experience with his own family. "But that was lifted after a year, wasn't it?"

Andrea was panting a bit as they lifted the last of the boxes into the trunk. "A month before the Red Rust hit, unfortunately. Bad timing. People didn't want to take in an extra mouth when they had no idea where their next meal was coming from. According to Elena, Mrs. Howard, things never really picked up again after that. Lots of reasons. Fear of what might happen next. People settling into their new lives and not wanting to make changes. Besides, the survival rate was higher for older children so about half the kids aged out of the system in the first three years."

That Kara could believe. Dropping the age to enlist in the military to seventeen had been another controversial proposal, one that Tom Chandler had been adamantly opposed to until he realized how many teenagers had nowhere to go. The military provided them with some structure, at least, and additional schooling and training. Ray was living evidence of how well the system could work. But Kara had seen the other side, kids who were too young to understand what military life involved.

"And then there was the baby boom," Kara added, more to herself than Andrea, although the other woman nodded. Whether it was due to a lack of reliable birth control or because people were feeling optimistic, the birth rate in the United States and abroad had exploded over the past three years. Even the conflict with South America seemed to have no effect on people's desire to procreate.

Andrea shut the trunk on the last of the boxes. "I'll get Liam and then we can go."

On the way to Howard House, Andrea kept up a running chatter on completely non-controversial subjects. Kara found herself smiling, and then chuckling. Andrea looked over, her face transforming from relaxed to the stern senior officer that Kara first met on the Nathan James. "What?"

"I was thinking that Tex has rubbed off on you," Kara teased. At Andrea's blank look, she added. "The chit-chat."

Andrea snorted, a smile crossing her own face. "Liam fusses up a storm when it gets too quiet. I've gotten used to talking to him."

A minute later they were pulling into the driveway of a large home in what used to be a relatively ritzy area of Jacksonville. The kind where people owned their own boats and small airplanes, as evidenced by the runway behind the house. The perfect place to house a dozen or so children.

As they excited the SUV, a tall, dark-skinned woman exited the house with a smile. "Andrea! Let me get the boys out here to help you with all of that."

"Perfect." Popping the trunk, Andrea retrieved Liam from the back and Kara followed her across the lawn. The woman, Mrs. Howard presumably, disappeared for a moment and returned with three teenage boys. "Elena, this is Kara. We work together and she helped me get all of this stuff packed up. Kara, this is Elena. She manages to keep better track of twelve children than I do of one."

Elena chuckled. "You hardly give yourself enough credit, Andrea. The first is always the hardest and most of mine are old enough to follow simple instructions. Lovely to meet you, Kara."

There was no apparent recognition in the other woman's eyes and Kara felt herself relax. Being a relatively well-known public figure had some downsides. "You as well. Ray Diaz says nothing but positive things about you and your husband."

"Ray! That child never comes to see me anymore." Elena clucked her tongue, but she was smiling. "If you see him, say hello for me. Now, Andrea, come have some ice tea while I fuss over that baby. Kara, would you like to join us? Or, if you're interested, I could arrange a tour of the house?"

Again, Kara felt herself waffling, before remembering that today was simply about information. _For her_. That's all. "I would love to see more of what you have built here."

Waving them inside the elegant entrance, complete with cathedral ceilings, a stunning chandelier, and a divided staircase leading up to a second-story foyer. Elena moved to the side of the door, pressing the buttons on an intercom. "Stella, could you please come downstairs?"

A moment later a young girl emerged, skipping down the stairs, her sandy braids swinging. "Hi Miss Elena."

"Hi sweetheart. Miss Kara is here visiting and she was hoping for a tour. Could you please show her around the house and then come find me and Miss Andrea in the kitchen?"

"Sure." Stella turned to Kara, smiling broadly, and held out her hand. "This way, Miss Kara."

"This is the school room," Stella explained as they entered the first room to the left. "We all go to the local school now but Mr. Bob used to be a teacher so he likes to supervise our homework. Daxson said that before the school opened again, Mr. Bob taught everyone, but I was little then so I don't remember."

"How old are you, Stella?" Kara asked, surprised by how comfortable she was with the child holding her hand, pulling her from one part of the room to another.

"I'm seven and in first grade," Stella said proudly. "I was sad leaving Delilah when I went to kindergarten, but now I can read her books. Del likes that."

"Delilah?" Kara asked, as they exited the schoolroom and moved on to the next door.

"My sister. She's three," Stella explained. "This is the playroom. We can play with anything we want but we have to pick it up after ourselves. Except for Delilah. Miss Elena still helps her."

The room was literally filled with toys. Legos taking up one wall, a dollhouse/puppet stage another. A small trampoline sat next to several very well-worn bicycles. Still, with twelve children of various ages living here, Kara imagined that all of them were used.

"What are your favorite things to play with?" Kara asked Stella.

Stella's brown eyes brightened and the child almost danced in place. "I love dressing up my doll. Her name is Amelia and we go everywhere together. New York and London and Tokyo and South Africa. We wear beautiful ball gowns and dance with princes. It's all pretend, though. You can't _really_ wear gowns and meet princes."

Kara leaned down. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Stella was practically bouncing on her toes. "What is it?"

"I went to a ball a few weeks ago. I wore a beautiful gown and danced with a guy who I think is a prince. And it wasn't pretend at all."

"Really?" Stella gasped.

"Really," Kara confirmed. She stood back up, taking Stella's hand again. "Now, what shall we see next?"

After viewing the swingset, the small garden, multiple bathrooms, a library, a dining room that looked more like a mess with the long tables, and Stella's very pink bedroom, Kara followed her guide to what was termed "the baby's room." Entering the room, Kara could see that it was actually a suite. The room where they stood was filled with toys designed for small children, along with some gear that Kara recognized from Tex and Andrea's house, with three doors leading into what Kara guessed were bedrooms.

She glanced at Stella. "Are there many babies here?"

"No," Stella shook her head. "Just Del now. Miss Elena said that there used to be more babies but most of them went home with their families."

Kara assumed that Stella was using the term _babies_ loosely, given that Delilah was three. But before she could ask, they were interrupted by a small child wandering into the room, dragging a blanket behind her. She was tiny, much smaller than Kara would have imagined for a three-year-old, with dark hair pulled up into two pigtails. Rubbing at her eyes, she wrapped her arms around Kara's leg. Not wanting to scare the girl, Kara stood stock still.

Stella tapped Kara's arm. "That's Del. She wants to be picked up."

"Okay." Still uncertain, Kara knelt down next to the little girl, who promptly wrapped her arms around Kara's neck and nestled into her shoulder. Standing, Kara cradled the child against her, realizing that she smelled like Liam. Like milk and soap and something so uniquely _baby_. Kara ran a hand down the child's back, feeling a strange sense of... _rightness_.

xxxxx

_Kara was looking at Andrea, both of them laughing at something that Tex had said, when Danny entered the tent. She watched him, half surprised that Captain Chandler had let him come back again. It was one thing when she was on the edge of death. The Captain wasn't cruel and giving Danny a chance to say goodbye was entirely in character. Now, however, Danny seemed to be doing nothing more than hanging out and occasionally getting in Rachel's way. Or Quincy's way, Kara amended, as the two men shuffled around each other awkwardly in the narrow space between the cots._

_He sat down next to her after handing the cup that he was holding to Andrea. "Hey sweetheart."_

_"How's it going?" Kara turned to him, smiling happily, teasing him. "I'm surprised that Rachel hasn't kicked you out yet."_

_But Danny didn't respond to the teasing, instead reaching out to take her hand, appearing almost nervous. "There's something that I have to tell you." Danny took a deep breath, his hand clasping hers tightly, and Kara felt her happiness slipping. Surely if Kara was actually dying, Rachel would have been the one to give her the bad news. "You're pregnant. Rachel found out when she was checking your bloodwork and..."_

_"What?" Kara interrupted, feeling dazed. Pregnant? The thought had never ever occurred to her. They had been careful, well, mostly careful. And it wasn't that often. And... She studied Danny's face, looking for any sign that she might have misheard. "What did you say?"_

_Danny smiled, a chuckle slipping out at her reaction. "You're pregnant, Kara. We're going to have a baby."_

_Kara jerked her hands away, raising them to her face. Unable to believe what Dany was telling her._ _Tears blurred her eyes as she stared at him. Pregnant. She was pregnant. What... And then she was laughing. A baby. A little bit of her. A little bit of Danny. A bit of happiness in a world gone crazy. "A baby? Really?"_

_"Yes." Danny grinned, smiling in that way she loved. The one that never failed to melt her insides. "Rachel thinks that the baby will be immune. Because of the trial. Assuming..."_

_And just like that, Kara's joy dissolved. Her hand dropping to her stomach as she realized what she had done._

_She had volunteered for this trial._

_She had been injected with the virus._

_She had most likely killed her own baby._

xxxxx

Kara suddenly realized that Stella was standing there, tapping her toes. She glanced down at the toddler filling her arms. "What now?"

"We need to let Miss Elena know that Del is awake so she doesn't get worried," Stella explained.

"Lead on," Kara replied, following Stella as she led them through a hall and down the stairs to a large kitchen where Andrea and Elena sat drinking ice tea.

"Del's awake!" Stella cheerfully announced but, when Kara went to pass Delilah over to Elena, the child snuggled into Kara's neck with a whimper.

Elena smiled, appearing oblivious to Kara's discomfort. "You must be comfortable, I think she fell back asleep. Have a seat. Deliliah must be getting heavy." She turned to Stella. "You go find Miss Stephie. Say goodbye to Miss Andrea and Miss Kara."

Stella's smile turned to a pout as she turned to Kara. "When will you come back?"

"Next month," Andrea replied without a moment's hesitation, and Kara wondered if she was being played by a seven-year-old.

Still, she couldn't resist those eyes. "I'll come back soon. You can tell me about where you and Amelia went the next time I see you."

Elena waited until Stella was gone before turning to Kara. "That's kind of you. Stella and Delilah are the youngest children here and I think they struggle a bit, always being around teenage boys."

"Stella mentioned that Delilah is only three?" Kara said, not really knowing what to ask, but Elena seemed to understand.

"The girls' mother arrived here right before the Red Rust hit. Stella was four and Delilah just a newborn. Mom had cancer and was looking for someone to take in the girls once she passed. Our doctor managed to extend her life but she died about a year ago. No word on their dad, or even if they have the same one." Elena sighed. Then she looked directly at Kara. "I hope that I'm not speaking out of turn here, but I couldn't help but recognize you, Captain Foster."

Biting back a groan, Kara straightened. "That does seem to happen from time to time."

Andrea laughed. "Nothing to worry about, Kara. Elena was simply wondering whether you would be interested in hosting a fundraiser for Florida's Orphaned Children Fund. Apparently funds are low and..."

"And having a name like yours would give us a lot of publicity," Elena finished. "Andrea has already committed to attending with Tex."

In other words, the publicity for the fundraiser would focus on the presence of three of the Vaccine Six.

_So much for keeping this visit quiet._

"Of course." Kara glanced at Andrea. "Perhaps we could get Rick and Russ to attend as well. Rick won't be a problem. Think you can convince Russ?"

Sitting back in her chair, Andrea nodded firmly. "Leave it to me." She turned to Elena. "Let us know when and where, and I think you just got your special guests."


	16. Ghosts of the Past

"Die Hard or Twelve Monkeys?" Kara asked, glancing over at Danny as she scrolled through the options. Since his arrival at the house twenty minutes ago with Indian take-out for their planned Bruce Willis movie-a-thon, he had been distracted. When there was no answer, she made an executive decision. "Twelve Monkeys it is."

"What?" Danny apparently had caught onto the fact that he was annoying her. "That's fine. Actually, before you put on a movie, I wanted to talk to you."

Kara kept her gaze fixed on the television, ignoring the cold seeping through her body. Nothing good ever started with the words _let's talk_. She supposed that it was better to find out now that this wasn't going to work, as opposed to once she was more invested in the relationship.

_Fuck_.

Who was she kidding? She was already completely invested. She was thinking about sides of the bed and merging careers and kids. Hell, she was even wearing a brand new matching bra and panty set that Alisha helped her pick out _specifically_ for tonight. Not that Danny ever seemed to care much about that sort of thing. Most of the times that he had seen her undergarments she had been wearing the extremely practical but not-so-sexy granny panties and sports bra that she typically wore under her uniforms, and his clear goal had been to get her out of them as quickly as possible. But the last few weeks had been ... nice. Dating. Talking. Doing all the things that they skipped the first time around. And so Kara had wanted to make tonight special. _Different_. Part of the whole fresh start thing.

_Guess the joke was on her._

"Talk about what?" Kara snapped, knowing that her voice was too sharp, giving her away.

There was a short pause, before Danny cleared his throat. "About what Carlton said when we ran into you this afternoon..."

xxxxx

_Kara followed Alisha into the small café, juggling her shopping bags, attention immediately drawn to the corner where Carlton and Danny sat. Alisha followed her gaze, before rolling her eyes. "Fine, we'll go say hi. And then we are out of here. I already share you with both Burk and Green too much. I'm not giving up our Saturday afternoons."_

_Carlton was the first to see them. A wide grin spreading across his face. "If it isn't my favorite CO, as well as the reason why my best friend has a chronic case of blue balls."_

_"Says the man who hasn't gotten laid since before the virus started," Kara shot back without missing a beat._

_Alisha nodded. "And he says things like that and then wonders why he has such abysmal luck with the ladies."_

xxxxx

Kara stared at Danny blankly before she connected the dots. She snorted, unwilling to consider just what the relief cascading through her at the realization that Danny _wasn't_ breaking up with her might signify. "You mean about the state of your testicles?"

Danny narrowed his eyes, a pained expression on his face. "My testicles are just fine, thank you very much."

"Good," Kara started the movie, ready for this discussion to be over. "Glad that we had this talk. Clearly I was worried."

"Kara, look at me." Danny reached over to pause the movie, waiting for her to turn back with an exasperated huff. "I meant what I said before, about not rushing things. I'm not fucking this up because Carlton thinks that I can't hold my load."

xxxxx

_Carlton leaned forward to check out the logos on Kara's bags. "Is that La Perla? It appears that your dry spell may be ending, my friend."_

_Carlton jerked and Kara was fairly certain that Danny had just kicked him under the table._

_"Oh these?" Alisha asked, pulling the rather skimpy hot pink panties out of the bag and dangling them by a finger. "Do you think Val will like them?"_

_Grabbing the underwear and shoving it back in the bag - they were in public, after all - Kara turned to Danny, who was busy glaring at Carlton. "We still on for a Bruce Willis marathon tonight?"_

_"Yeah, yeah," Danny muttered, attention still on Carlton. "Indian sound good?"_

xxxxx

Setting down the remote, Kara swung her leg over Danny, planting herself on his lap and leaning forward to brush a kiss across his lips. "Danny, there was a reason that I suggested a movie marathon tonight. This is date six."

"Date six, got it." Danny's hands dropped to her waist and he tugged her closer, leaning forward to give her a slightly more thorough kiss, although he pulled back before Kara was anywhere near satisfied. "Am I supposed to know what that means?"

Kara giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Standing rule. Date six is sex night. And, yes, I'm wearing La Perla."

xxxxx

_"La Perla is definitely wasted on Val," Carlton muttered. "Does she even own a bra?"_

_Kara shook her head at Carlton. "You're an idiot."_

_"I think he might be jealous," Alisha added. Grabbing Kara's arm, Alisha turned them to the exit. Over her shoulder, she called. "And go to the place on Central for food, Danny. Their garlic naan is amazing."_

xxxxx

At the mention of her underwear, Danny's gaze dropped to her chest, and Kara reached down to pull her demure, black t-shirt over her head. Revealing the hot pink, lace trimmed bra underneath. She bit her lip. "What do you think?"

"I think you would look even better with it off," Danny replied bluntly, drawing a laugh from Kara. _Damn she loved this man_. Suddenly Danny's eyes narrowed, as though he had just realized something. "Carlton knows about the date six sex rule, doesn't he?"

Laughing, Kara stood up. "Of course."

"Fuck-head," Danny muttered.

Kara tilted her head in the direction of the hallway, hand out-stretched. "So the real question is whether you are willing to forego Twelve Monkeys in favor of joining me in my bedroom?"

"Hell yeah." Danny was on his feet instantly, then he hesitated. "Assuming that's what you want."

And, in that moment, Kara understood why Danny had insisted on waiting. _On doing this right_. Because right now, right here, she didn't have a single doubt. She reached out to intertwine their fingers. "This is exactly what I want."

"Thank God." He was tipping her onto the bed when he spoke again. "I can kill Carlton tomorrow."

xxxxx

Kara reached out blindly for her phone, blinking against the sun that was streaming into her bedroom. She usually closed the shades before going to sleep as protection against early Florida sunrises but last night she had been somewhat distracted. _In the best way possible_. As though reading her thoughts, Danny's arm snaked around Kara, pulling her back against his chest. She snuggled into his warmth, her lips nudging into a smile as she recalled the night before. The lack of sleep had _definitely_ been worth it.

Her phone beeped again. Danny buried his face in her hair. "Ignore it. Probably Carlton being an ass. _Again_."

Danny had a point but ... She cracked one eye open to check the screen just as it came to life again.

"Crap, it's Debbie." Sitting up, Kara realized that her mother had called ... six times before eight am on a Sunday. Her stomach turned to ice. For years, early Sunday morning phone calls had meant only one thing - that Debbie needed to be picked up after a night in the drunk tank. _Had Debbie fallen off the wagon?_ Pulling the sheet to her chest, Kara hit the button to connect.

"Mom?" Debbie was sobbing so hard that Kara could barely make out the words. "Where are you?"

"I'm at home." That, at least, was intelligible and not noticeably slurred.

Kara relaxed slightly, glancing at Danny apologetically. A hysterical call from her mother was definitely not the way she planned on starting this morning. No, her plans had run more to lazy morning sex, followed by bagels and perhaps a joint workout, and then more sex. He shrugged, then nodded towards the shower. Kara stood up as Danny disappeared into the bathroom, pulling his shirt over her head and rummaged around her drawer for some cute underwear just in case she managed to salvage the morning. Alisha might have a point about her needed to do a little more shopping. "What's wrong, Mom?"

If possible, the sobbing intensified. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Kara asked absently.

She heard the shower snap on just as Debbie managed to choke out the next words. "That you were pregnant."

For an instant, Kara couldn't breathe. _How could Debbie know...?_ She jerked the phone from her ear, switching screens to check for other calls, only to find a dozen texts and voicemails from Alisha, Carlton, Andrea, Val, Tex, Rick, and, worst of all, Admiral Chandler. _Fuck_.

"Mom, I just woke up. What is going on?" Kara demanded in her best no-nonsense captain voice.

Which, apparently, worked on hysterical mothers as well as new recruits. "You haven't seen the newspaper?"

"No," Kara replied, walking briskly down the hall, swinging the door open and grabbing the Sunday paper from the porch.

The front page held three pictures of her and Danny. The first was one of the official pictures from Brazil. Those had been widely circulated already so Kara didn't waste any time studying it. The second picture was one from the night Danny hosted the TAC team at the bar, showing Danny's hand on Kara's back as they leaned towards each other. Nothing inappropriate but clearly suggestive. Kara was a bit surprised that news of their relationship broke so quickly but she had given Slattery a head's up that they were dating weeks ago, and Sasha knew before the Nathan James hit Florida, so a simple disclosure of their relationship would not have resulted in a seven a.m. call from Admiral Chandler. When her gaze turned to the third picture, Kara felt her heart drop. It was a rather grainy shot of a much younger Danny Green, his arm wrapped around the shoulders of a much younger Kara Foster, her head against his chest. They were both dressed informally and Kara knew instantly that the picture had been taken during the memorial that then-Captain Chandler had arranged shortly after the Nathan James reached St. Louis. He had barred cameras from the event, insisting that the crew needed a private moment to mourn. One without uniforms or ceremony. One that was just about them.

_Hence the rare moment of public affection that was apparently coming back to haunt her._

Kara hadn't expected to keep her relationship with Danny under wraps. Rick and Courtney's wedding had been a circus, and Kara had seen how crazy the press went when Liam was born, staking out Tex and Andrea's house until Tex threatened to start shooting people and Captain Slattery created and enforced a "no-go" zone. And there was a good reason that Rick was land-based until after Courtney delivered, half of his current job to shield her from the reporters desperate for a bump shot. Still, Kara had not considered what would happen if her past with Danny came out.

Unfolding the newspaper, Kara stared at the headline. _Separated by Tragedy and Reunited by Serendipity, a Second Chance at Love for Two Heroes of the Nathan James._ And then further down, _The Secret Sacrifice of Captain Kara Foster, see page 2_.

Her stomach twisting, Kara began skimming the article. The beginning was a recitation of the events in Brazil. Or, rather, the version that had been publicly released. Kara's kidnapping, Danny's rescue attempt, his resulting injury. The only real difference from a dozen other articles was the suggestion that Danny's actions were based not on duty so much as love. A storyline that had Kara rolling her eyes. At least there was no mention of Vargas. The article then shifted to a discussion of Danny and Kara's relationship in the Arctic, one that was far too detailed to be based on rumor.

_Sources from the Nathan James confirm that Foster was pregnant at the time of the Vaccine Trial, suffering a miscarriage as a result of her brush with death. The tragedy was apparently too much to handle for the young couple, who split shortly thereafter, with Green re-joining the Nathan James for its trip to the Pacific and Foster moving to President Michener's personal staff while recovering from her loss. Was their reunion in Rio de Janeiro divine intervention? A second chance at love for two star-crossed lovers?_

Kara slapped the newspaper closed, unable to read another word, suddenly realized that Debbie was still talking. "Mom, I'm going to have to call you back."

"Wait!" Debbie cried. "I'm coming over there right now."

"No!" Kara forced herself to take a deep breath. "No, I'll call you later. I promise. I need some time right now."

"So it's true. You were pregnant during the trial." Somehow the sadness in Debbie's voice was worse than her initial hysteria.

Her eyes squeezed closed, Kara sighed. "Yes, Mom, it's true. I had a miscarriage." The slight noise came not from the phone, but from the other side of the kitchen. Kara looked up to see Danny standing in the doorway in just his shorts. Their eyes met. "I have to go. I'll call you later."

Terminating the call without giving Debbie a chance to argue, Kara switched her phone to silent and set it on the table. Stepping forward, Danny glanced down at the newspaper, eyes skimming the pictures and articles, much as Kara had earlier. The lack of surprise on his face suggested that he already knew what it said. "Miller just called me. He thinks that he was the source."

"Rick?" Kara was stunned by the idea. Of all the people she would have considered, Rick wasn't in the top hundred. Hell, he wasn't even on the list.

"Apparently he and O'Connor were reminiscing the night that we all went out with the TAC Team. Rick thinks he mentioned you losing the baby," Danny explained. "Apparently it's been on his mind a lot. What with Courtney being pregnant."

Kara sighed, collapsing into one of the kitchen chairs. It wasn't surprising that the events of five years ago were on Rick's mind. Rick was an only child and few of his friends were even married, never mind parents. So his closest brush with pregnancy was probably in that vaccine trial tent, and lord knows that would have left a scar. "God. I never thought about that."

Danny moved to the counter to begin making coffee. "Remember the obnoxious guy at the bar? Check the byline on the article."

As Kara snagged the newspaper again, Danny popped out to his truck. Returning a minute later with a duffle, digging through until he located a t-shirt with the arms cut off, clearly designed for gym use, which he pulled over his head. Despite the circumstance, Kara immediately missed the sight of his bare chest.

A phone rang and Kara looked at Danny. "Mine is on silent."

He disappeared for a minute, returning less than two minutes later. "Yes, sir. I'll speak with Kara and get back to you."

"Who was that?" Kara asked.

"Slattery," Danny explained. "Command is being inundated by requests for comment. Apparently some of the news outlets are asking whether there was an investigation into our behavior on the Nathan James. _Conduct unbecoming an officer_ , that sort of thing. Currently he has Val feeding them innocuous material from our official files and giving the usual statement that the Navy does not comment on the personal life of officers but he wants to know how we want to handle things."

_Crap._ The mention of Val reminded Kara that Alisha had called multiple times. Picking up her phone she quickly texted Alisha. _Talking to D. Call later._ The response was almost instant. _You better. xoxo._

Danny passed Kara a cup of coffee and, despite the disaster of a morning they were having, Kara found herself smiling. "Not exactly how I planned to spend this morning."

That drew a chuckle. "Agreed. _None_ of my plans included talking to Slattery or Miller or even getting out of bed." Danny pulled a chair around the table so that he was facing Kara, their knees inches apart. He leaned forward, but didn't touch her. "Mike said we can issue a general denial. Say that the article is full of shit. You know that the crew will back you."

Kara blinked. _Was it only last night that they were eating Indian food and talking about Bruce Willis movies?_ "Everything here is true, Danny. We broke the frat rules. I got pregnant. I had a miscarriage. We broke up. And then we got back together after Brazil. How do we pretend that none of it happened?"

"Wouldn't be the first time we rewrote history," Danny replied, and Kara flushed, remembering how she spun the story of his activities in Columbia only months ago.

"That was different. That was work. Besides, even if the crew backed us, they aren't the only people who know about our past. Maybe not everything, but enough. People from St. Louis who saw us together, Courtney, Debbie, hell, even Pablo knows that we were together then. How would Laura react to being hunted down for a comment?"

The question hung between them, before Danny admitted. "Probably not well."

"And we both have an official reprimand in our files," Kara continued. "If we deny this, and then people find out about the reprimand, what then? Do we backtrack? Will people think that we did something worse."

Danny sat back, pushing a hand through his hair. "I don't know, Kara. I didn't expect this to happen. But, more than that, I don't want this to fuck things up. Between us, I mean."

Kara reached out to take Danny's hand. "This isn't just about me. What do you want to do?"

Danny rolled her hand over, as though he were studying it. Finally he looked up. "I'm not ashamed of anything that happened, Kara. Besides, everyone who matters to me already knows. Wolf and Azima think it's funny that _Mr. Straight-Laced_ has a reprimand in his file and Sasha doesn't care. Hell, pretty sure she has her own reprimand from when she was shacking up with the Admiral at the Academy..."

"What?" Kara interrupted, momentarily distracted by the idea of _Tom Chandler_ flouting the rules. "Isn't he older than her?"

Danny flashed a grin. "Oh yeah. He was there as an instructor."

Kara just stared, her mind racing to take in this new information. "How did they keep that under wraps?"

"Cooper was a spook pre-virus," Danny reminded Kara. "Her past is buried deeper than the Kola Borehole. But, that's the thing, Kara. My job is murky. So long as the job gets done, nobody knows the details. Nobody _wants_ to know the details. So stuff like frat rules and reprimands aren't a big deal. But for you..." Danny paused. "You're on the fast-track, Kara, and this could hurt you."

He wasn't wrong, and Kara nibbled on her lip. This _would_ be a step backwards. But she wasn't wrong either. Now that this was out in the public, it wasn't going away. Lying just delayed the inevitable. Kara thought back to those days after Gitmo. After Danny broke things off, pushed her away, refusing to so much as speak to her. _Leaving her alone._ Maybe having this happen now was a good thing. A way for her to determine, right here and now, whether he meant all of those things that he said back in Rio de Janeiro. She swallowed. "I don't care who knows if you don't. So we brazen through it?"

Danny smiled tightly, as though he knew what she was thinking. "Together."

She nodded, echoing him. "Together."


	17. New Beginnings

Kara exited the back of the house, having learned her lesson about hidden cameras when the paper was delivered the day after the news broke. Once again she was on the front page, this time standing in the doorway of her house, hair in complete disarray and wearing only Danny's t-shirt, phone tucked between her shoulder and ear and newspaper in one hand. The photographer had managed to angle the shot to include Danny's pick-up, leaving little question of who Kara was entertaining on a Sunday morning. In the two weeks since, the press had been relentless and Kara was starting to regret her decision to brazen through this.

Not that it really mattered what either Kara or Danny wanted.

As Kara had predicted, a number of people had come out of the woodwork to confirm Danny and Kara's prior relationship including, unfortunately, her most recent ex-boyfriend. Kara wasn't really surprised that Stephan had taken advantage of the opportunity to promote his current campaign, but she could have done without the digs he made regarding her guarded nature and inability to commit, which Stephan claimed had doomed their relationship from the start. At least the latter backfired on him after a prominent talk show host held a segment in which several psychiatrists discussed the lingering impact of the Red Flu on survivor's psyche and noted that, especially in combination with her miscarriage, Kara was likely to be very cautious about a new relationship and would require an understanding and supportive partner. Kara had been tempted to record the segment and email it to Stephan, but decided it was too petty.

So Alisha and Val had done it instead, albeit from a - Kara hoped anyway - untraceable account.

At the corner, Kara paused for two minutes in an attempt to smoke out anyone who might be tailing her. When nobody appeared, she relaxed slightly, continuing along the palm lined streets. Rick had offered to stand guard and escort Kara around town but, although she appreciated the gesture, the last thing Kara needed right now was Rick following her around like a sad puppy. He had been practically apoplectic when the news first broke, his guilt over spilling the beans so extreme that Slattery finally sent Jeter over to calm him down. That resulted in long, rambling apologies to both Danny and Kara, followed by an invitation to get together for dinner to talk and smooth things over.

Cumulating in a photograph of Kara, Danny, Courtney, Rick, Andrea and Tex eating in the private dining room at La Top appearing in the Saturday edition of the newspaper. Kara didn't want to know what Bacon's reaction to seeing the photograph had been. While the man had a reputation as a fair and easy-going boss, Kara had seen Bacon's other side on the Nathan James and she would not want to be the employee who betrayed his confidence.

Kara turned down the street where Debbie and Peter lived in a small bungalow, pausing again to make sure that she was not being followed. Between ducking the press, dealing with Rick, coordinating with Val and Alisha on a public response to the unending request for comment, getting her actual work done, and attempting to eat and sleep, Kara hadn't gotten around to seeing Debbie. They had texted, of course, and even spoken on the phone once or twice, but each time Debbie offered to come see Kara, Kara declined. Something that apparently Debbie was taking as a personal snub, if Peter's request this morning that Kara _please_ stop by was any indication.

Knowing that she had put this off too long already, Kara gave a perfunctory knock on the door before letting herself in. The house was dark and quiet and, for a moment, Kara thought that Debbie might not be home.

"Mom?"

"Kara?" Debbie appeared around a corner looking, well, terrible. No makeup, her hair straggling around her shoulders, her eyes red and puffy. She looked ten years older than the last time Kara saw her.

Kara's eyes narrowed. "Have you been drinking?"

At first Kara thought that Debbie was going to break into tears. Then, she straightened, arms folded across her chest, gaze steady. "Not a drop."

Immediately feeling guilty for jumping to the wrong conclusion, Kara shifted uncomfortably, realizing that the only other explanation for Debbie's ghastly appearance was Kara herself. She forced herself to break the silence. "You have any coffee?"

"Sure."

As she followed Debbie down the hall, Kara decided that there was no point delaying the inevitable. "I suppose that the press has been hounding you."

Debbie shrugged as she filled the coffee maker. "They always do. Val put some kind of screen on my cell so it only rings for people that I know or Naval Command. Apparently the price I pay for having a hero for a daughter."

The small joke fell flat and Kara fiddled with the mail that was scattered across the kitchen table. Wishing that she knew how to talk to her mother without falling back into old habits. Without Debbie yelling or Kara storming off, both ignoring the entire incident the next time that they saw each other. But she didn't - she never had - so instead she fell back on another tried and true.

_An apology._

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about the miscarriage," Kara began. "I planned to, back in St. Louis. But there was so much going on and I..." Kara stopped abruptly, realizing that she couldn't say the next words out-loud.

_I was scared of what you would say if I told you._

Scared that Debbie would tell Kara that losing the baby was for the best. Remind Kara about the struggle of being a single mother. Quote some statistic about the cost of raising a child. Launch into her favorite tirade about shiftless men.

Debbie froze, hand halfway to the coffee mugs. Then she turned, eyes fierce. "No, Kara. You don't have any reason to be sorry. _You_ went through something horrible. You were hurting and you handled it the only way that you knew how - you took care of yourself. I'm the one who is sorry. Sorry that I wasn't there for you. Sorry that I was never the mother you needed me to be."

"That's not true, Mom," Kara protested. "You did your best. I know that."

"No, I didn't." Kara opened her mouth but Debbie held up a hand. "Yes, I got dealt a tough hand when your father died. But I wasn't the only one who lost someone when Dale died. You lost your father, Kara, and you needed a mother who was an actual parent, not a drunk who barely managed to keep a roof over our heads. Dad warned me, but I didn't listen."

"Papa Paul?" Kara asked, startled by the mention of her grandfather. Like Kara's dad, Debbie rarely mentioned her own father, and Kara learned long ago not to ask.

Debbie smiled sadly. "Dad loved you more than anything. He used to tell me that your children are the one thing in life that you will never regret."

Kara wondered if Niels Sorenson's parents would disagree, but decided that point wasn't relevant to the conversation. "I wish I could remember him better."

"Dad told me that I would regret the drinking the way he regretted working so much when I was a kid. Said that we never formed the same bond that I had with Mom. And if I missed my chance with you, I might never get another one. He was right, Kara. I let you down for years. What right do I have now to be part of your life?"

"Mom..." Kara stopped, having no idea what to say. "That was a long time ago. I don't think about those days very much anymore. And it has nothing to do with what happened five years ago."

A white lie, but Debbie didn't need to know how much her own childhood had been on Kara's mind recently. A picture of Stella as she skipped ahead of Kara popped into Kara's mind, and she tried to imagine leaving the child alone at home while heading out to a bar. Or letting a strange man spend the night at the house for Delilah to run into in the bathroom the next morning. Or dropping the girls off at Bacon's restaurant to beg for dinner when there was nothing to eat at the house.

Kara stopped herself, appalled by the direction of her thoughts. No matter what Kara's childhood had been like, she had _never_ doubted that she was loved.

_And wasn't that what was important?_

Debbie's situation was different. She had lacked the resources that Kara would have, even if Danny disappeared tomorrow. Resources that would make sure that neither Kara or her children would ever be in any of those situations. A stable job, money in the bank, people to step in during a jam. But...

_Hadn't Debbie had those things too?_

Why leave Kara home alone instead of taking her to Papa's house or Jennifer's house? Why let men spend the night knowing that Kara would be awake far earlier than Debbie? Why send Kara inside the diner to ask for food instead of going herself?

_How many of Debbie's decisions were driven by necessity and how many by choice?_

Debbie seemed to have read Kara's mind. "I'm your mother, Kara. Do you think that I don't see how guarded you are around me? How careful you are about what you say and do? I know that you don't trust me. After what I put you through, well, I haven't earned your trust. But that doesn't mean I don't see how much you've been hurting all of these years. And I regret, more than anything, that I couldn't be there to help you."

"I didn't tell anyone, Mom. I couldn't talk to anyone, even Danny. It hurt too much." Kara swallowed, tears building in her eyes. "Knowing that I killed my own baby."

"Oh honey!" Debbie wrapped her arms around Kara, rocking her back and forth as if she were a little girl. "Is that what you think? Because it's not true. You didn't kill your baby. The damn virus did that. Just like it killed millions of other babies. And I don't believe for an instant that Danny thinks any different."

"He doesn't," Kara admitted, leaning into Debbie, soaking up her mother's solid presence in a way that she hadn't since she was a small child. "But it _was_ my fault. I should have known that I was pregnant. I should have..."

"Twenty percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage, Kara," Debbie interrupted. " _Twenty percent_. There's no way to know if the Red Flu had anything to do with what happened. And nobody with even a shred of intelligence could think otherwise."

Despite the fact that she wasn't a big believer in coincidence, and a natural miscarriage while sick from the Red Flu pushed the idea of a _coincidence_ past the point of reason, Kara found herself smiling at Debbie's impassioned argument.

"Clearly you don't read the newspaper. I definitely recall a few people questioning my intelligence for volunteering for an experimental virus while pregnant," she replied, realizing only after she spoke that Debbie did, in fact, read the newspaper. Which is why they were having this discussion in the first place. Kara paused, taking a deep breath and stepping away from Debbie, deciding that she owed her mother the remainder of the story. "Rick was the leak. We were all out together a couple of weeks ago, drinking and reminiscing, and he said something to O'Connor. Nobody realized that there was a reporter there that night or we would have been more on guard. He feels terrible. That's why we all went out the other night. Smoothing things over with him and Courtney."

"Isn't Courtney's pregnant?" Debbie asked, waiting for Kara to nod in confirmation. Apparently satisfied, Debbie poured two cups of coffee and setting them on the table. "I can see how the topic would come up."

Kara picked up her coffee, relieved that Debbie didn't seem upset with Rick. After spending the last two weeks calming Rick down, the last thing she needed was Debbie getting him spun up again. She took a deep breath, looking at her mother. "You're right that there were some bad times when I was a kid. But there were some good times too. I'd like to have more of the good times."

Debbie's eyes grew teary and she reached out to touch Kara's hand. "I'd like that too."

xxxxx

"This is ridiculous," Kara snapped, peeking out the curtain at the man perched in a tree across the street, camera around his neck. "He's been here for _hours_. I'm starting to understand why Tex wanted to shoot them."

"It's not like you wanted to go wedding dress shopping today anyway," Alisha replied, handing Kara a bowl of fudge ripple ice cream before sitting down at the kitchen table. "As I recall, you only agreed after I threatened to replace you as my maid of honor."

Kara snorted. "Like that was actually going to happen. Who would you replace me with? Carlton? Good luck with that."

"So what does the newest article say?" Alisha asked, taking a spoonful of ice cream.

Opening her laptop, Kara spun it so that her friend could see. "Now they're speculating that we've really been seeing each other the entire five years. They've got a picture of Laura ducking behind a door and claim to have sources that confirm she's humiliated over Danny and my long-term affair."

"Did Lauran respond?" Alisha asked, sounding more curious than annoyed.

"Val helped her write a statement about how she was aware of Danny and my prior relationship," Kara explained. She sighed as she clicked on the next article, one entitled _Captain Kara Foster:_ _Heroine or Home-Wrecker?_ "Not that it seems to have helped."

Alisha leaned over to pat Kara's knee. "Trust Val. She knows what she is doing on this one. And it's working. You've moved from the Times to the Enquirer. Nobody takes the Enquirer seriously."

"Nobody except Debbie," Kara muttered through a mouthful of fudge ripple.

"Is she still on the warpath?" Alisha asked sympathetically.

"Yes. She doesn't seem to realize that talking to reporters only makes it worse." Kara sighed. Her conversation with her mother last weekend had been cathartic and, for the first time in years, Kara felt like there might be a chance for the two of them to move on from old patterns and truly connect. However, with Debbie no longer wallowing in depression, she had decided to take a different approach with the press. One that was driving Kara insane. "She thinks that she is correcting errors in the articles but really she's just giving them more information to work with."

Alisha gave her a sympathetic glance. "Oh! We found out who took the photos at the memorial."

Kara ate another spoonful of ice cream. "How did Val manage that?"

Slattery had been incensed by the photograph, which he deemed a flagrant breach of privacy and human decency. Kara suspected that at least some of his reaction was personal. A reaction to the realization that there might be pictures of him from one of the worst days of his life, as he mourned the death of his son and possibly his entire family, not yet knowing that his wife and daughters had survived.

"Actually it was Barnes," Alisha replied. "He remembered the names of a few people who were in St. Louis back then and called around. Apparently it was easy enough to get the guy talking about the biggest score of his career. Slattery confiscated the photographs yesterday."

"How bad were they?" Kara asked, making a mental note to send Barnes a thank you. Not that it would be enough. Barnes did nothing out of the goodness of his heart.

Alisha ate some ice cream. "They weren't. Honestly, there's a reason they were never released before. Mostly us standing around. A few people hugging. In one of them Slattery has his hand on the memorial wreath. The guy, his name was Sherman, only pulled them out after he saw the photos of you and Danny from Brazil. But even then he had no idea what he had. Apparently a guy hugging a girl at a funeral isn't typically newsworthy."

"Unless she's part of a Russian conspiracy to plant an agent on the Nathan James to steal the cure," Kara muttered, referencing one of the most recent "news" articles.

Alisha made a face. "That one hit a little too close to home for the Admiral. What with Doctor Tophet and all."

Kara actually hadn't thought about the parallels to Quincy, too irritated at being reduced to femme fatale placed on the Nathan James with the sole purpose of seducing the head of Doctor Scott's security team and stealing the primordial strain. "Nobody knows what happened. Well, nobody except the crew and Kelly. And there's no way she is going to say anything and tarnish Doctor Tophet's memory."

Officially, Quincy was a hero. Doctor Scott's right hand man and half of the duo who developed the cure for the Red Flu. A man who sacrificed himself in Baltimore to prevent the primordial strain from falling into the wrong hands. All true, of course. It just conveniently left out a few details - like Quincy trying to steal the primordial strain and give it to the Russians in exchange for his wife and daughter.

Kara ate some more ice cream, enjoying the way the fudge melted on her tongue. Funny how straight-forward the decisions had seemed back then.

_Escape the Russians. Test the vaccine. Find a cure. Save the world_.

But since then, the world had gotten messy again. So many of their choices scrutinized and questioned.

The back door swung open and Kara heard the sound of bags being dropped in the hallway, followed by Danny's voice. "I'm home."

Alisha raised an eyebrow. "Did you forget to tell me something?"

"He's been staying here since the news broke. Because of the reporters." Kara kept her gaze on her bowl to avoid seeing the grin that she knew Alisha was wearing.

"Oh, reporters. Yup. Got it."

Thankfully Alisha said nothing more as Danny appeared in the doorway, leaning down to give Kara a kiss and then nodding to Alisha. "Hey Granderson. The leak about Miller and Courtney having a girl was nicely done. It actually bumped us off the front page."

"It was Master Chief Jeter's idea, actually," Alisha replied. "He thought that providing some replacement news would help Rick feel better."

"Hopefully it won't cause trouble for Courtney," Kara said, frowning. The last thing she wanted was Courtney being stressed right now, well, more stressed than she already was.

"She went to her mom's place on the Outer Bank," Alisha explained, scraping the last of the ice cream out of her bowl. "Apparently you can only get in or out by private plane. That should keep the reporters at bay."

Danny opened the fridge to study the offerings. "Must be nice."

Despite knowing how Rick and Courtney originally met, at a fundraiser that Mrs. Abbot was throwing for her wealthy friends, Kara often forgot that Courtney came from a very different world. The kind with private islands and their own planes. Both women ignored Danny. "Is Rick joining her?"

"No," Alisha chuckled. "Pretty sure he didn't want to ask you for the time off."

Danny snorted. He closed the fridge, two bottles of ice tea in one hand. "Kid is terrified that you're going to transfer him off the James as punishment."

"And have to train a new Master Chief?" Kara laughed. "Not a chance."

Alisha stood, depositing her bowl in the sink. "I should get going. Give you lovebirds some alone time."

Kara ignored the comment, standing to walk Alisha to the door. "Next time I promise that we'll actually look at wedding dresses."

"Don't make promises that you can't keep," Alisha teased as she scooted out the door.

Turning, Kara re-joined Danny in the kitchen. She picked up one of the bottles of iced tea, rolling in between her hands. Trying to think of a way to raise the topic that she had been rolling around in her mind for weeks now. Danny stood quietly, sipping his drink, as she composed her thoughts.

"You know how I've been working on the fundraiser for the Florida Orphaned Children's Foundation?" She waited for Danny to nod. "It's taken me over to the Howards a couple of times. Do you remember them? They're the couple who took in Ray's group. Anyway, they have these two little girls living with them right now. Three and seven. I was thinking..."

She paused, uncertain. Not wanting to mislead Danny, to make him think that she had made a decision when she hadn't. Not really. But also not wanting to keep this a secret. Wanting him to know about her visits, about what she was doing. And, even more, wanting, _no needing_ , to be able to talk to him in real time. To find out how he felt about the possibility that had presented itself, one that Kara could not seem to stop thinking about. One that might be the answer to the question Danny posed that day on the Nathan James.

_Do you not want kids? Or do you not want to be pregnant?_

"Stella and Delilah, you mean?" Danny asked, and Kara's eyes shot up, studying his face. Her surprise must have shown because Danny continued. "I've gone over to the Howards with Tex a few times to help fix stuff around the house. Adorable little girls. Stella likes to come see what we're doing. Delilah always hides so we pretend that we can't see her."

Kara chuckled. "Last time I was there, Stella and Delilah were playing the floor is lava. It was so cute. I was thinking about asking Elena if I could take the girls out to lunch. Maybe do some shopping. I wasn't sure if you would want to join us."

She held her breath, not certain what she expected from him. But knowing that this moment could change everything. Setting down his drink, Danny reached out, clasping her hand in his. "If that is a request for a bodyguard and a bag carrier, I am happy to oblige."


	18. Indecision

Kara hummed as she rocked the porch swing back-and-forth. Delilah shifted, burrowing her head into Kara's lap, thumb in mouth. Kara smoothed the child's hair rhythmically, waiting as Delilah's breath began to slow, indicating that she was sinking into sleep. She hadn't expected the three-year-old to nap today. Not only were they at a strange place, but Danny wasn't exactly being quiet as he and Stella played Marco Polo in the small pond. But the combination of the swing, the sun, and the child's exhaustion appeared to have done the trick, as Delilah's thumb fell from her mouth, a trickle of drool sliding down her cheek.

In the distance, Kara could hear Danny deep laugh before he called something to Stella, who shrieked in response, her giggles carrying in the wind. Although Kara had planned to join them once Delilah was asleep, she didn't move. There was something so soothing about sitting here in the warm sun, Delilah's hair tickling Kara's hand. So peaceful.

_As if this is the way that life was meant to be._

Danny and Kara's prior excursions with the girls had all been structured. A park. An ice cream shop. A toy store where Stella was so excited by the choices that in addition to the dolls that Kara had brought them there to buy, the girls also ended up with a new dollhouse courtesy of Danny. Who justified the purchase on the grounds that the one at the Howards' house was falling apart. Which was true, but also clearly an excuse for a purchase that he would have made regardless. As he admitted to Kara later that night after first extracting a promise that she would not tell Tex.

Unfortunately, the toy store had also been the place where they were recognized. A photograph of the four of them appearing in the next day's newspaper with the headline of _Glimpse of the Future?_ stamped across the page. Fortunately, the girls had not been identified, and the assumption seemed to be that they were the children of friends. But it had been a harsh reminder of how public their life was. Another picture with the girls would almost certainly raise questions.

_Questions that Kara was simply not ready to answer._

Danny's suggestion of a day at the cabin, boating and swimming, offered the perfect solution. As well as having the advantage of being far from any cameras, the cabin provided an opportunity to interact in a more casual environment. Elena had agreed without hesitation, although Kara made a point of assuring her that both Danny and Kara were proficient in CPR and had extensive water training. As Kara talked, Elena merely smiled, before ushering them all out the door with the instruction to have fun.

Which is how Kara came to be rocking on the swing, Delilah asleep on her lap, and wondering what it would be like if this were all real. If tonight, after enjoying the water and sun, the four of them went home together. If tomorrow, she woke up with Danny by her side and two little girls asleep down the hall, rousing them all in a chaotic rush to get everyone to school and daycare and work on time. If today were merely another family outing rather than a carefully planned excursion.

The giggling alerted Kara to Danny and Stella's approach, and she watched as the two of them walked up the slight incline from the water. Stella grinning up at Danny, who reached over to tug at one of her braids. Abruptly, another image formed.

_One of a five-year-old boy with golden curls skipping next to his father._

She blinked and the image was gone. Replaced by Danny giving Stella a high-five. Kara looked away, breathing in and out as she counted to ten. Waiting for the lump in her throat to disappear. For her heart-rate to return to normal.

_Wondering what the hell just happened._

Months had passed since the last time Kara looked at Danny and pictured a five-year-old who should have been there, but wasn't. And it had certainly never happened during the time that they spent with the girls. Kara having kept them firmly separated in her mind, that separating reassuring her that she was not trying to replace the child that she - that they - lost. That she was drawn to the girls as individuals, as Stella and Delilah, with no other motive. Now, for the first time, Kara questioned that belief.

_Noticing that Stella had the same color hair as Danny._

_Realizing_ _that they shared a sense of humor._

_Seeing a reflection of herself in Delilah's petite frame._

But there was no time to figure out what it all meant, to decide whether the vision was an aberration or a message, as Danny and Stella arrived on the porch. Both tiptoeing, Stella's finger in front of her mouth. Danny flashing the boyish smile that never failed to make Kara's heart skip a beat.

He glanced down at Delilah, whispering. "Do you want me to move her?"

Kara forced herself to focus on the question, her mind still foggy. "She's pretty out. I think we can leave her here, just get a cushion to put on the porch in case she rolls off and lock the porch door so she can't wander down to the water."

She waited while Danny grabbed a cushion, setting it on the floor underneath the swing, before she eased to standing. Danny disappeared to collect the food from his truck and Kara turned to Stella, forcing her mind back to the present. To the child before her. Pushing away the image of the little boy.

_Delegating_ _the past to the past._

Kara ushered Stella inside. "Hungry? I'm sure that Danny got us something good to eat."

"Mr. Danny said he was going to feed me bug sandwiches," Stella replied, her nose wrinkling. "But I think he might be teasing me."

Kara leaned closer to the child. "I have an idea. When he gets back, I think that you should take a big bite of your sandwich and then tell him that you only found one bug, but that it was pretty tasty. See what he does."

Stella giggled, skipping towards the table in the kitchen of the small cabin. "He's going to completely freak out."

"How are things at school, Stella?" Kara asked, busying herself locating plates and silverware and napkins. Having been here only once before, she had to check several places to gather everything. She turned to find Stella looking down at the table, her smile gone. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"Tuesday is donuts with dad," Stella explained. "All the other kids have their dads coming. But I don't have a dad."

Kara hesitated, not certain what to say and definitely not wanting to say anything that might contradict the Howards. "Did you ask Mr. Bob to come?"

"Yes," Stella nodded. "He said he would be there. But it's not the same. It's not like the other kids."

Pulling out a chair, Kara sat down next to Stella. "You know, my father died before I was born."

"He did?" Stella's eyes were big as she looked up at Kara.

She nodded. "I don't remember him at all. Do you remember your father? I think that Miss Elena said you were about four when he died."

Stella scrunched up her face. "No. Mommy used to talk about him sometimes. She called him Prince Charming."

"You don't know his name?" Kara asked in surprise, forgetting for a moment the point of the conversation.

"No." Stella's eyes fell back to the table.

"Anyway," Kara said, aiming for a casual tone, "I never met my father. So instead my grandfather would come to my school. One time we went to a dance together."

Kara deliberately left out the fact that Papa Paul died when she wasn't much older than Stella now, leaving her with nobody to attend such events. Stella was looking at Kara again, her smile back. "You did?"

"Mmm-hmmm." Kara shifted the plates around the table. "I wore a dress with flowers all around, just like a princess. Maybe you could wear a special dress to school on the day when you have donuts with Mr. Bob."

"Maybe I can wear my special Easter dress," Stella replied, bouncing up and down again. "I'll have to ask Miss Elena."

Kara reached over to pat Stella's hand. "I bet she'll say yes if you agree to be really, really careful."

"I will," Stella said solemnly. She was still chatting about the dress when Danny walked through the door with their "picnic", which turned out to be a basket filled with gourmet sandwiches, macaroni and cheese, potato salad, and two flavors of lemonade.

Kara shook her head at him as she unpacked the basket, suspecting that the girls were unlikely to eat anything more complicated than a ham-and-cheese sandwich but feeling a glow as she realized how much effort he put into today's outing. Into making this excursion a success.

Ignoring the voice inside her head wondering whether Danny might have put _too_ much effort into today, Kara cleared her throat. "Let's eat."

xxxxx

Kara leaned down to brush a kiss against Stella's forehead. "I had fun today. Thank you for coming with us."

"We got Mr. Danny really good!" Stella exclaimed, laughing as she bounced up and down.

"Yes, we did," Kara replied, amused. Stella's claim to have found a bug in her sandwich was so believable that, if Kara wasn't in on the plan, she might have fallen for the act too. Danny had gotten them both back, however, showering them with water when they returned to the pond. Leaving all of them dripping. "It's time for me to go but I'll see you next Sunday."

"Can we go back to the pond?" Stella asked.

Kara smiled at the child's enthusiasm. "Maybe. We'll see. Now I see Miss Elena waving you inside."

Stella bounced off to give Danny a hug before disappearing into the house. Kara shifted Delilah on her hip, the preschooler having dozed off again during the car ride back to the Howards' house. Elena reached out to take the child, but Delilah shook her head, arms wrapping around Kara's neck. "No. Want mama."

Kara froze, her mouth opening, then closing before finally managing to ask. "Should I take her upstairs and lay her down?"

"How about we walk to the kitchen together," Elena suggested. As Kara followed her into the house, Delilah still clinging to her, Elena spoke again. "Did you have a fun day?"

"Very fun," Kara confirmed. "I spoke with Stella a little about donuts with dad."

"Stella has been concerned about it," Elena agreed. "Were you able to reassure her that she won't be the only child there without a father?"

"I'm not sure about that," Kara admitted. "But I told her that my grandfather would go places with me, since my father was dead, and I often dressed up. Stella seemed excited by the idea of wearing a special dress. She mentioned wanting to wear her Easter dress."

"I think that can be arranged." Elena glanced sideways, but Kara couldn't read her expression. "I wasn't aware that your father died when you were a child."

"Then you obviously don't read the paper," Kara muttered, then flushed. "My apologies. That was inappropriate."

But Elena merely laughed. "Don't apologize, Kara. I can't imagine what it is like to be hounded constantly the way that you are. And I do appreciate your willingness to expose yourself to more press for the sake of our foundation."

"That is my pleasure," Kara replied, truthfully. Actually, the exposure for the upcoming fundraiser for the Florida's Orphaned Children Fund was one of the few positives to come from the recent media storm. When they reached the kitchen, Delilah finally allowed Kara to set her down in exchange for a handful of saltine crackers. Kara ran a hand over the child's head, leaning down to give her a kiss. Finding herself lingering despite Delilah being settled.

"Kara, I don't want to speak out of turn but..." Elena paused. "If you were interested in a more permanent arrangement with the girls, I would be happy to recommend that to social services. I did want to mention, though, that there is a preference for married couples. For stability, you understand."

Kara had known that Elena must suspect the true purpose of the visits with the girls. But...

_She wasn't ready. Not yet. She needed more time._

And yet, even as she thought the words, Kara wondered what was going to change. What sign she was looking for. The one that would tell her that she was making the right choice, or not. And what that choice might mean for her future - either with or without Danny.

She managed to smile at Elena, hoping that her internal turmoil was not completely obvious. "I understand. And I appreciate you letting me know. We haven't made any ... decisions, you understand."

Elena reached out, touching Kara's arm. "You let me know when you are ready to talk."

xxxxx

The drive back to Kara's place was quiet, both Danny and Kara apparently caught up in their own thoughts. Her turmoil over the vision of the ghost child only increased by the memory of Delilah's voice when she said _mama_. Imagining what it might be like to hear that word every day.

_Scared of how good that the word sounded._

When Danny pulled into her driveway, she turned to him. "Are you staying tonight or heading home?"

Danny furrowed his brows, glancing over before he killed the ignition. "Is that a hint that you're sick of me?"

"What? No!" Kara looked over, only then noticing his smirk. "Asshole."

They were inside before Kara made the decision to tell him about her conversation with Elena. "Let me make some coffee and ..."

But her plans were interrupted when Danny's phone went off. The ring tone the distinctive one that he assigned to Naval Command. He looked at the screen, swearing. "Hold that thought. It's Cooper."

Kara was at the table drinking her coffee when Danny reappeared. She watched as he filled his own mug, knowing without having to ask why Sasha would be calling on a Sunday evening, rather than wait the twelve hours until Monday morning. "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow," Danny confirmed. "Mop-up work."

She fiddled with her mug. "So Columbia then."

Danny leaned against the counter, sighing. "Sasha has a bug up her ass about something. Unfortunately, she's stuck stateside while she and the Admiral..." Danny trailed off and Kara knew without having to ask that it must have something to do with Tom and Sasha's effort to have a child. A topic that she and Danny deliberately avoided. "Anyway, I shouldn't be gone for more than a week. Maybe two."

Kara set down her coffee, moving towards Danny, sliding her arm around his waist. Putting aside all thought of the past or the future. Stretching up on her toes to brush a kiss across his lips. Danny set down his own mug, turning, lifting Kara so that she was sitting on the counter, their heads even. She smiled against his lips.

"If you're leaving tomorrow, then I guess we should make the best of tonight."


	19. The Path of True Love

"I see that Commander Green was able to join us after all," Admiral Santiago said, glancing over Kara's shoulder.

Only years of training prevented Kara from turning her head to do the same. _Danny was here?_

Ten days ago when the Nathan James left Mayport for the rescheduled ceremony at the Faulkner Islands, Danny was in Columbia on a recon mission with Wolf, Tex, and Azima. The one week assignment had stretched to two, with no end in sight, doing what Danny elegantly called mop-up work. He had actually complained about how he was going to be tramping around a damn jungle while she was being wined and dined during the one telephone call that they managed while he was gone. Kara only managed to shut him up by pointing out that he wasn't the one who was going to have to lie through his teeth about what happened in Brazil over and over again. And now, out of the blue, he was here?

Kara smiled at the Admiral, hoping that her face didn't betray her. "The Commander must have been able to reschedule his prior commitment."

Not that there was actually another commitment. Well, not before the surprise trip to Columbia anyway. Kara had simply told her assistant to reply "no" after the news of her and Danny's relationship broke and the Argentinian government reached out to see if she would be bringing a guest to the transition ceremony after all. Nikki was probably having a heart attack at the moment, already speaking to her counterpart about shuffling table arrangements. Kara's irritation at Danny grew as she considered the work she was going to have to do to smooth things over, not just with the various VIPs, but with her own assistant.

_He better have a damn good explanation for just showing up._

Apparently Kara was not successful in her efforts to hide her shock, because the Argentinian chuckled. "Ah, he surprised you then. Young love." His eyes crossed the room to where his own wife stood speaking with the British Ambassador. "I myself have been married for almost forty years. But I still feel that same pain when we are parted."

Danny chose that moment to appear at her side, thankfully sparing Kara from having to reply. He greeted Santiago first. "Admiral Santiago, it's a pleasure to see you again."

"You as well, Commander Green. It has been some time. Since Venezuela, I believe." A look passed between the two men and Kara knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Venezuela had not been an official mission. Strange to think that, despite having a security clearance high enough to brief the President, there were still things that Kara didn't know about Danny's missions. The feeling was strangely unsettling.

Danny glanced sideways, his mouth quirking into a smile. "Commander Foster. I'm glad that the Nathan James arrived here safely."

She nodded back, fighting her own smile, her irritation at his sudden appearance momentary overridden by seeing him in person - and in one piece. "Commander Green. Always good to see you in one piece."

Admiral Santiago glanced back and forth between them. "Americans. You puzzle me."

After a few minutes of chit-chat, the Admiral politely excused himself, and Danny wasted no time asking for a _private word_ and then, without waiting for an answer, shepherding Kara to the small conference room assigned to the American delegation. As soon as the door closed behind them, Kara spun around, arms crossing over her chest as she glared at Danny. "What was that?"

Danny blinked, apparently caught by surprise. "What was what?"

"You!" Kara pushed a finger into his chest. "Showing up out of the blue at an official event. Tracking me down and dragging me in here. You know that they're all out there thinking that we're doing..." she waved her arms "...things in here right now."

"Things?" He raised an eyebrow at her, wiggling his eyebrows in obvious amusement. "What are we, twelve? Besides, nobody cares."

Kara saw red. "I care, Danny. I didn't spend the last fifteen years building a career to have you waltz in and turn me into a frog hog."

He stared at her, incredulously. "You think that _anyone_ out there would ever call you a frog hog? Just because we're at the same event. What the hell, Kara? If that's what you think, why the hell did you even agree to start seeing each other."

Taking a deep breath, Kara began to pace back and forth across the small room. "You don't just show up at a diplomatic event, Danny! These take months of careful planning to make sure that no one country is over-represented, to create a balance of military and civilian. Even the seating arrangements for dinner are strategic to allow for informal negotiations. You don't just walk in and yell _surprise_ and expect everyone - _expect me_ \- to accommodate you. I'm _working_."

"Kara..." Danny stopped, mouth pressed together in a thin line, jaw clenching. "Sasha is on bedrest and Tom didn't want to leave her. Slattery asked if I could take Tom's place so I routed here instead of back to Florida. I assumed, apparently incorrectly, that Mike would tell you about the change in plans."

Kara felt herself deflate. She knew that Tom was supposed to arrive today, of course, and it should have occurred to her that Danny was here in an official capacity. Slattery hated these events and would have jumped at the chance to send pretty much anyone else if he could avoid going. Danny would have been the perfect substitution given the circumstance. Despite her guilt, Kara lifted her chin. "Well, he didn't tell me. Is Sasha okay?"

"Yeah, it's apparently a normal part of the IVF process. Just shitty timing." His voice was flat and Kara knew that he was pissed. No, not pissed, she realized. _Hurt_. Danny didn't like these events any more than Slattery. He had agreed to fill in for Tom, rather than punt, because of her.

_And the first thing she did once he got here was yell at him_.

_Fuck_.

"I'm sorry," she blurted. Wishing more than anything that she could re-do the last ten minutes. To stop herself from immediately starting a fight rather than asking Danny why he was here.

"I should have called you myself." Danny shrugged, but he didn't meet her eyes. "I know you hate surprises. And Mike seemed pretty frazzled."

Kara could imagine. Although Tom was technically on retired status, his version of retired was exhausting. If he was _actually_ taking time off, Slattery would be buried.

"Hard to call from an Osprey," Kara said, attempting to lighten the mood. She reached out, touching Danny's arm. "I _am_ sorry. I didn't think things through and I ... overreacted."

Danny nodded, and they stood awkwardly for a few minutes, as though neither knew what to say. "I would never do anything to undermine your career, Kara. You should know that."

If it was possible, Kara felt even worse. Because she _did_ know that. It was one of the things that first drew her to him, the fact that unlike so many other guys who Kara knew, Danny never seemed threatened by her rank or ambitions. She moved forward, sliding her palm to his chest. "Any chance of a do-over?"

Danny smiled, although Kara could still see the shadow in his eyes. His arm wrapped around Kara's waist until they were flush. "I actually didn't bring you in here to fight, you know."

"Oh really?" Kara teased, before leaning up to kiss him. A gentle caress, an apology, not that it stayed that way long as Danny's hand moved to the back of her neck to draw her closer. "My hair..." Kara managed before he deepened the kiss. She found herself stretching up on her tiptoes. Wrapping her arms around his neck. Pressing as close as their uniforms allowed. The last three weeks having lasted an eternity.

_Damn she had missed him. Missed this._

The door to the conference room opened abruptly. "I spoke with the coordinator about Commander Green taking over for..."

Both Danny and Kara stepped back quickly, but there was little way to hide what they had been doing. Nikki's cheeks flared. "Um, would you like me to come back?"

"No," Danny answered, amusement back in his voice. He stepped forward to take the folder that she was holding, acting as though Nikki hadn't just walked in on them kissing in the conference room. "I assume that is my itinerary?"

"Yes, sir," Nikki replied, although her eyes were huge as they continued to move between Kara and Danny. Kara bit back a sigh. Nikki was a fantastic assistant, but she was also very young. "Admiral Chandler was scheduled for several private meetings with various parties. I have informed them of the change and provided our apologies. Several invited you or Commander Foster to attend in his place and there have been a few last minute requests, as well."

Danny began skimming over the page as Nikki talked. A moment later he looked up, gesturing towards the table. "Let's coordinate then."

Twenty minutes later, schedules coordinated, they all stood. Skirting around Danny, Nikki grabbed Kara's sleeve, delaying her as Danny moved to the door. He looked back, brow furrowing, eyes glancing between the two women. "I assume that you are aware that anything you see or hear in this room is not to be discussed outside of present company, Ensign Altro."

Nikki started, but didn't drop Kara's sleeve. "Yes, sir. Of course not, Commander."

"Then apparently I'm off to see," Danny checked the cheat sheet he had stuffed up his left sleeve, "two members of British Parliament. Sure you don't want to join me?"

Kara laughed at the face he was making. "Pretty sure that the Bolivian President would not appreciate being stood up."

Danny actually laughed. "I'll see you at sixteen hundred."

As he disappeared, Kara turned to Nikki with a raised eyebrow. "You needed something?"

The young woman flushed. "Um, you might want to fix your hair, ma'am."

Feeling the flush rise in her cheeks, Kara suppressed a groan. _She was going to kill Danny._

xxxxx

"Checking my room for bugs, Commander?" Kara asked as she walked into her assigned suite to find Danny sitting at the small desk, jacket slung casually over the couch.

"Among other things." Danny pushed the chair back on two legs, stretching. "I hate the Brits. I had to listen to a twenty minute diatribe about how each of them was related to the Queen followed by a retelling of the history of, and I quote, _the Colonial rebellion_."

Kara grinned as she kicked off her heels and began to unbutton her jacket. Today had been exhausting and they still had a formal dinner to attend. Yet just having Danny here made the whole thing feel so much less oppressive. Kara quickly banished the thought. "As I recall, you volunteered for that meeting. And I quote, _anything to avoid having to retell the Rio story_."

His arms slid around her waist, pulling her back against him, lips dropping to her shoulder. "I was wrong. The Brits were worse."

She jumped, forgetting how quietly Danny could move when he wanted. She bent her head to give him better access to her neck, only to remember that they _really_ didn't have time for this. "Pre-dinner drinks start in an hour and dress is formal."

"Plenty of time." His hand was now sliding under her jacket and Kara was again reminded of just how long the last three weeks had been. She had been surprised by how much she missed Danny, actually. How quickly she had adjusted to seeing him daily. Of being able to pick up the phone and call if she wanted to hear the sound of his voice. In just a few short months, Danny had invaded her life and, surprisingly, the thought didn't scare her as much as she thought it would.

"We're meeting Nikki first to get briefed," she retorted, voice breathless. She checked the clock. "In forty minutes."

"Nikki can wait." He found the zipper on her skirt, letting it drop on the floor.

Kara turned her head, scowling. "If you wrinkle my uniform, you're ironing it."

"Worth it," Danny teased, although he let her go, stepping back. Kara took advantage of the space to pick up her skirt, opening the small closet to hang it up, only to stop. Hanging there, next to her gown and spare jacket, were a tuxedo and dress uniform that definitely did not belong to her.

She glanced at Danny before hanging up her jacket, trying to decide how she felt about his unilateral decision to move into her room. Despite his almost constant presence at her house in Florida, Danny had kept his own apartment and there had been no discussion of making a permanent shift. So while she had assumed that he wouldn't be sleeping in his own bed tonight, there was still something very ... intimate about seeing their clothes hanging side by side. Kara wondered whether he bothered picking up the key to his own room. "My closet appears to have been invaded."

Danny leaned back against the headboard, arms folded behind his head. "If you're worried about appearances, I was assigned a room down the hall. I got the key to this one from Nikki. Gave her the usual spiel about checking for listening devices and possible incendiaries. It's much more plausible after Brazil."

Kara snorted, deciding that there was really no reason to hide the fact that they were sleeping together given that it had already been blasted across the front page of every newspaper on the planet. "You think she believed that? After what happened in the conference room?"

She hung up her skirt, then sat on the edge of the bed to roll down her pantyhose. She detested the things, especially in the heat, but it was part of the uniform. She wondered how hard it would be to convince Slattery to revise the dress code. She would have to give the task to Val, Kara decided. Val knew exactly how to get under Slattery's skin without actually pissing him off. Mike had once made an offhanded remark about how Val reminded him of his oldest daughter, likely explaining the major soft spot that he had for the woman.

"Altro can believe what she wants," Danny replied. She glanced up to see that his eyes were focused on her hands as they rolled the hose. It really _had_ been a long three weeks. But Kara was no longer twenty-nine and a fifteen minute quickie - half dressed, no foreplay, expecting to be interrupted at any time, followed by rushing to get redressed - was no longer as appealing as it had been those long-ago days on the Nathan James. "The point is that you have plausible deniability."

Kara heard the words that Danny didn't add.

_If you need it._

Setting the hose to the side, Kara shifted until she was sitting next to Danny on the bed, leaning her head against his shoulder. Listening to the solid sound of his heart. Forty minutes might not be enough time for what they both wanted to do, but that didn't mean she couldn't steal a few minutes of quiet. "I missed you."

His arm wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her closer. "I missed you too. How was your visit with the girls? I picked them up some of those dolls with the colorful shawls. Tex said Kat used to enjoy getting stuff like that when she was little."

Kara smiled. There was little doubt that the girls would be thrilled to see Danny - with or without gifts. Delilah, in particular, had taken to him, begging to be carried on his shoulders and _flying like a plane_ through the air. Seeing Danny with them, Kara had known that - no matter what Danny might say - he wanted to be a father.

_She just wasn't sure whether that made her decision easier or harder._

"Stella was disappointed that you missed the visit. She thinks you're a fairytale hero. You can do no wrong," Kara joked, before changing the subject. "How was Columbia?"

"Columbia was fine," Danny replied, running a hand up and down her arm. "Nothing unexpected. Cooper is just feeling antsy being out of the field and assigning us field trips."

Kara chuckled. "Pretty sure Sasha would not agree with your assessment."

"Nope," Danny replied, unrepentant. They sat in silence for a moment, Kara enjoying the feel of simply being here, together. Of having a moment alone. "Tex said that I was pinning."

Kara chuckled, before admitting. "Carlton said pretty much the same thing. Told me that he was going to ban your name from the ship again."

"Again?"

Suddenly the light mood was gone. Kara turned her head to look up at Danny. "When I took command, back after Rota, we had an unspoken agreement that we didn't talk about you."

"So I was person non grata," Danny replied, the apparent joke falling flat.

Kara shifted again, lying a hand on his chest. "For a long time now, the Navy was what got me through. The one thing in my life that wasn't a complete disaster." She paused, searching for the words. "That's why I ... freaked earlier. If something happens...if this doesn't work... I need to know that I'll still have my career. Especially if..." Again she stopped, before pressing forward. "Especially if I have other people depending on me."

"I'm not going anywhere, Kara."

Although the words were calm, Kara could sense his frustration. Not just about this conversation, but over Kara's hesitation about everything. Her reluctance to move forward with their relationship. Her indecision about the possible adoption of the girls. Her avoidance of any topic that even touched on the idea of pregnancy.

She searched for the words to explain that this wasn't about _him_. "Debbie has no education, no formal training in anything. After my dad died, the only job she could get was as a waitress. Even with dad's death benefits, there was never enough money. I swore that I would never depend on anyone else to take care of me. And I'm damned sure that I am not going to put any child in the position that I was in. Because you can't promise me to always be there, Danny. Nobody can. Especially not now."

Danny pulled her closer, encircling her in his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Silently acknowledging her words - her fears. The reality that either one of them could be killed tomorrow. That, in an instant, the entire future that they were considering could be gone in a puff of smoke.

Kara wasn't sure how long they sat there like that before her phone alarm began to buzz. Reaching over to silence it, Danny sighed. "I suppose you're going to tell me that it's time to get dressed up like a penguin and go make small talk with people that are going to bore me to death?"

Kara stared at him, before bursting out laughing. She moved towards the bathroom, estimating that she had just enough time for a quick shower if she didn't wash her hair. "Just remember that you were the one to volunteer."

Shaking his head, Danny began moving towards the closet. "Next time offer to shoot me. It would be less painful."


End file.
